Everyone wants to be liked, but going out of your way to make everyone else happy all the time isn’t the way to do it.
You might just consider yourself to be friendly and easy-going, but if you relate to any of these things, you may be veering into people-pleasing territory without even realising it. If you are, it’s time to pull back and start prioritising yourself a bit more, I’d say!
1. You struggle to say no, even when you’re knackered.
It’s Friday night, you’re exhausted after a long week, and all you want is to crash on the sofa. But when your mate calls asking for help moving house tomorrow, you find yourself saying yes before you even think about it. You end up sacrificing your much-needed rest because you can’t bear the thought of letting someone down.
2. You apologise for things that aren’t your fault.
Someone bumps into you on the tube? “Sorry!” Your friend’s late to meet you? “Sorry for picking such a busy time!” It’s like you’re on autopilot, apologising for existing. You might not even notice you’re doing it, but this habit can chip away at your self-esteem over time.
3. You’ve got a knack for reading the room.
Source: Unsplash You’re hyper-aware of the mood in any social situation. You can sense when someone’s upset or uncomfortable, and you immediately feel responsible for fixing it. This skill might seem useful, but it can be exhausting when you’re constantly trying to manage everyone else’s emotions.
4. You avoid conflict like the plague.
When your flatmate’s left dirty dishes in the sink for the third time this week, you clean them yourself rather than having an awkward conversation. You’d rather swallow your frustration than risk causing tension or upsetting someone. But this avoidance can lead to resentment building up over time.
5. You feel guilty for taking time for yourself.
When you do manage to carve out some me-time, you can’t fully enjoy it. You’re plagued by thoughts of what you ‘should’ be doing instead. Having a bath? You feel like you should be helping your partner with the housework. Reading a book? You worry you’re being selfish when you could be calling your mum.
6. You’re always the one organising group events.
From booking restaurant tables to planning holidays, you’re the go-to person for making things happen. You spend hours trying to find options that will please everyone, often at the expense of your own preferences. It’s exhausting, but you worry things won’t get done if you don’t do them.
7. You downplay your achievements to avoid making people feel bad.
Got a promotion at work? You brush it off as ‘no big deal’ when your friends ask. Finished a marathon? You focus on how slow your time was. You’re so worried about coming across as boastful that you can’t let yourself fully celebrate your successes.
8. You’re a chameleon in social situations.
Your personality seems to shift depending on who you’re with. With your rowdy uni mates, you’re the life of the party. With your more reserved work colleagues, you’re quiet and professional. You adapt so well that you sometimes lose sight of who you really are.
9. You often feel responsible for other people’s emotions.
When your partner’s had a bad day at work, you feel like it’s your job to cheer them up. If you can’t turn their mood around, you feel like you’ve failed. You take on the emotional labour in most of your relationships, often at the expense of your own well-being.
10. You struggle to make decisions, even small ones.
Choosing a film to watch or picking a restaurant for dinner becomes a major ordeal. You’re so worried about making the ‘wrong’ choice and disappointing people that you’d rather someone else decide. When forced to choose, you often second-guess yourself.
11. You overcommit yourself regularly.
Source: Unsplash Your calendar is packed with social engagements, favours for friends, and volunteer work. You say yes to everything because you don’t want to let anyone down. But as a result, you’re stretched thin and constantly stressed about meeting all your commitments.
12. You have a hard time accepting compliments.
When someone praises your work or your outfit, you immediately deflect or downplay it. “Oh, this old thing?” or “It was nothing, really.” You might think you’re being modest, but this habit can prevent you from fully acknowledging your own worth.
13. You often feel resentful, but can’t pinpoint why.
Despite all your efforts to keep everyone happy, you find yourself feeling bitter and unappreciated. You might snap at loved ones over small things, then feel guilty for being ‘unreasonable’. This cycle of resentment and guilt is a classic sign of burnout from people-pleasing.
14. You struggle to identify your own needs and wants.
When asked what you want to do or what you think about something, you often draw a blank. You’re so used to considering everyone else’s preferences that you’ve lost touch with your own. This disconnection from your own desires can leave you feeling lost and unfulfilled.
