If you’ve been with someone for a long time, it’s natural to assume that they understand you inside and out.
However, that’s not necessarily the case. You could be married to someone for 20 years, and they might still be perplexed about certain elements of your personality or why you think the way you do. If you notice any of these things happening, it seems like your partner doesn’t truly “get” you, and you probably need to do something about it sooner rather than later.
1. Your jokes often fall flat.
Sharing a sense of humour is a great way to connect, but if your partner consistently doesn’t get your jokes, it might signal a disconnect in how you perceive the world. It’s not about them not finding you funny, but rather a mismatch in what you find amusing or how you joke around.
2. They consistently misinterpret your tone.
Whether it’s sarcasm, playful teasing, or genuine concern, if your partner frequently misreads your tone, it can lead to frustrating misunderstandings and hurt feelings. This could indicate a lack of attunement to your communication style and emotional cues.
3. They offer solutions when you just want to vent.
Sometimes, we just need to vent and have our feelings validated. If your partner jumps into problem-solving mode every time you express frustration or sadness, it can feel like they’re dismissing your emotions. A simple listening ear and empathetic response can go a long way.
4. They forget important details about your life.
Forgetting an occasional birthday or anniversary is understandable, but consistently forgetting important details about your life, like your job struggles or your favourite hobbies, can make you feel unimportant and unseen. It suggests they’re not truly paying attention to the things that matter to you.
5. They surprise you with gifts or gestures that miss the mark.
Source: Unsplash Thoughtful gestures are wonderful, but if your partner consistently gives you gifts or plans experiences that don’t resonate with your interests or preferences, it might mean they haven’t taken the time to truly understand what makes you tick.
6. They make decisions without consulting you.
Whether it’s booking a holiday, making a major purchase, or rearranging the living room furniture, making significant decisions without consulting you can make you feel disregarded and undervalued in the relationship. Open communication and mutual decision-making are key.
7. They don’t seem to notice when you’re upset or stressed.
A truly attentive partner will pick up on subtle cues that indicate you’re not feeling your best. If your partner consistently fails to notice when you’re upset or stressed, it might mean they’re not attuned to your emotional state or that they’re putting their own needs before yours.
8. They dismiss your concerns or opinions.
If your partner consistently brushes off your concerns or opinions, it can create a sense of powerlessness and resentment. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect and a willingness to consider each other’s perspectives, even if you don’t always agree.
9. They offer unsolicited solutions to your emotional struggles
When you’re feeling down or vulnerable, sometimes you just need a listening ear. If your partner constantly jumps into “fix-it” mode, offering solutions or advice instead of simply acknowledging your feelings, it can feel like they’re dismissing your emotions and not truly understanding what you need in that moment.
10. Your inside jokes aren’t really inside jokes anymore.
Shared humour is a sign of intimacy and connection, but if your partner consistently doesn’t get your references or laughs at the wrong times, it could indicate a growing disconnect in how you perceive the world and each other. It might be worth checking in and rediscovering what makes you both tick.
11. They struggle to remember details about your day-to-day life.
We all have busy lives, but a partner who genuinely cares will make an effort to remember the little things. If they consistently forget about your work presentations, upcoming events, or even your favourite coffee order, it can feel like they’re not fully present in your life.
12. They make you feel like you’re overreacting or being “too sensitive.”
Invalidating your emotions by suggesting you’re overreacting or being too sensitive is a major red flag. It diminishes your feelings and makes it difficult to express yourself openly. A supportive partner will validate your emotions and create a safe space for you to be vulnerable.
13. They compare you to other people, even in a “positive” way.
While compliments are always appreciated, being constantly compared to other people, even in a nice way, can be undermining. It suggests that you’re not enough on your own and that your partner is always looking for something “better.” A truly supportive partner will celebrate your unique qualities and appreciate you for who you are.
14. They don’t make an effort to understand your passions or interests.
A healthy relationship involves a willingness to learn about and support each other’s passions, even if they don’t perfectly align with your own. If your partner shows little interest in your hobbies, dreams, or creative pursuits, it can feel like they’re not truly invested in getting to know the real you.
15. They struggle to apologise or admit when they’re wrong.
Everyone makes mistakes, but a partner who refuses to acknowledge their wrongdoing or offer a genuine apology is likely lacking in empathy and accountability. This can erode trust and create a sense of resentment, making it difficult to move forward and resolve conflicts constructively.
16. You find yourself constantly explaining or justifying your actions.
Feeling the need to constantly explain or justify your choices to your partner can be exhausting and demoralising. It suggests that they don’t trust your judgement or respect your autonomy. In a healthy relationship, you should feel comfortable making decisions without fear of criticism or scrutiny.
