Everyone messes up and says hurtful things sometimes, but that should be the exception, not the rule.
Most of the time, you should set out to be respectful and kind to everyone you meet, which means removing these sentences from your vocabulary and never saying them to anyone (unless, of course, you want to be seen as rude and disrespectful).
1. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to work.”
This completely diminishes the efforts of stay-at-home parents or those with disabilities who may not be able to work in traditional settings. It implies that their lives are easy and carefree, completely disregarding the challenges and sacrifices they face daily. It’s a hurtful and dismissive comment that undermines their contributions and devalues their worth.
2. “You’re just looking for attention.”
When someone expresses their feelings or shares a personal experience, saying this shows a complete disregard for their emotions. It suggests that their feelings are invalid and that they’re seeking validation or sympathy. Instead of brushing them off, try to understand their perspective and offer support. Everyone deserves to be heard and validated, regardless of their motivations.
3. “I make more money than you, so my opinion matters more.”
This arrogant statement equates financial success with superiority and undermines the value of other people’s opinions based on their income. It creates a toxic environment where people feel inferior or dismissed based on their financial status. Remember, everyone’s opinion is valuable, regardless of their income or social status. True respect comes from valuing diverse perspectives and engaging in meaningful dialogue, not from flaunting financial achievements.
4. “You’re too old/young to understand.”
This ageist remark dismisses someone’s experiences and insights based on their age. It implies that their age makes them incapable of understanding certain concepts or issues. This is not only disrespectful but also inaccurate. Age is just a number, and wisdom and understanding can come from people of all ages. Instead of judging someone based on their age, try to learn from their unique perspective and life experiences.
5. “It’s your fault for not speaking up sooner.”
When someone finally gathers the courage to speak up about a problem or injustice, this blames them for not doing so earlier. It’s a way of shifting responsibility onto the victim and dismissing their valid concerns. It can be incredibly difficult to speak up, especially in situations where power dynamics are at play. Instead of blaming the victim, offer support and listen to their experiences without judgement.
6. “You’re so [insert negative stereotype based on gender, race, or sexual orientation].”
Using stereotypes to define someone is not only disrespectful, but also harmful. It perpetuates harmful biases and reduces individuals to a single characteristic based on their gender, race, or sexual orientation. It’s crucial to see people as complex individuals with diverse experiences and identities. Avoid making assumptions or generalisations based on stereotypes, and treat everyone with respect and dignity.
7. “You should be grateful for what you have.”
While gratitude is a positive emotion, this can be used to silence complaints or concerns. It implies that someone should be content with their current situation, regardless of any hardships or challenges they may be facing. Everyone has the right to express their dissatisfaction or advocate for change. Instead of telling someone to be grateful, try to understand their perspective and offer support.
8. “Why can’t you be more like [insert someone else’s name]?”
Comparing someone to another person is a guaranteed way to make them feel inadequate and undervalued. Everyone has their own unique strengths and weaknesses, and comparing them to other people is both unfair and unproductive. Instead of focusing on how they compare to anyone else, encourage them to embrace their individuality and celebrate their own achievements.
9. “I was only trying to help.”
This is often used to justify unsolicited advice or unwanted interference. It’s a way of disguising criticism or judgement as helpfulness. While your intentions may be good, it’s important to respect people’s autonomy and only offer help when it’s asked for. Unsolicited advice can be seen as condescending and intrusive, even if it’s well-meaning. Always ask before offering help, and be prepared to accept a “no” graciously.
10. “You’re just jealous.”
Accusing someone of jealousy is a dismissive tactic that undermines their feelings and concerns. It suggests that their negative emotions are rooted in envy rather than valid reasons. If someone expresses discontent or frustration, try to understand the underlying issues instead of attributing their feelings to jealousy. This can help address the root of the problem and lead to a more productive conversation.
11. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining.”
Source: Unsplash This often forms a feeble attempt to mask aggressive or condescending behaviour during a disagreement. It’s a way of denying responsibility for escalating the conflict and placing the blame on the other person for being “argumentative.” If you find yourself using this, it’s important to take a step back and reflect on your communication style. Are you truly explaining your perspective, or are you trying to assert dominance and control the conversation?
12. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This is another way of minimising someone’s concerns and invalidating their feelings. It suggests that their issue is trivial and not worth your attention. This can be incredibly hurtful and frustrating for the person on the receiving end. Even if you don’t understand why something is a big deal to someone else, it’s important to respect their feelings and try to offer support.
13. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Shaming someone for their actions or choices is a form of emotional manipulation that can be incredibly damaging. It’s a way of trying to control their behaviour through guilt and fear. Instead of shaming someone, try to understand their motivations and offer constructive feedback. If their behaviour is harmful, address it directly, but avoid using language that is judgmental or condemnatory.
14. “You’ll never amount to anything.”
Source: Unsplash This is incredibly destructive and can have a lasting negative impact on someone’s self-esteem and confidence. It’s a way of belittling their potential and discouraging them from pursuing their dreams. If you care about someone, offer them encouragement and support, even if you disagree with their choices. Believe in their potential and help them see the possibilities that lie ahead.
15. “I’m better than you.”
Source: Unsplash This arrogant statement is the epitome of disrespect. It’s a way of asserting dominance and superiority over someone else, based on a perceived advantage or accomplishment. True respect comes from recognising the value in people, regardless of their differences or shortcomings. Instead of trying to elevate yourself by putting people down, focus on building genuine connections based on mutual respect and understanding.
16. “No one asked for your opinion.”
Source: Unsplash This shuts down communication and discourages people from sharing their thoughts and ideas. It creates a hostile environment where people feel silenced and unvalued. Everyone has the right to express their opinions, even if you disagree with them. Instead of shutting them down, try to engage in a respectful dialogue where both sides can be heard and understood.
17. “You’re so annoying.”
Source: Unsplash This is a personal attack that can make someone feel unwanted and unvalued. It’s a way of expressing your frustration or annoyance with someone, but it does so in a way that is hurtful and disrespectful. If someone’s behaviour is bothering you, address it directly, but avoid using language that is insulting or demeaning. Remember, everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, even when they’re being difficult.
