Let’s get one thing straight: being a wife doesn’t mean being your husband’s maid, mother, or emotional punching bag.
Too many women feel pressured to take on roles that aren’t theirs to fill. Here are 16 things you absolutely shouldn’t have to do for your husband. It’s time to set some boundaries and expectations. Your marriage should be a partnership, not a one-woman show.
You shouldn’t have to manage his emotions for him.
It’s not your job to be your husband’s emotional regulator. If he can’t handle his feelings without dumping them on you or expecting you to fix them, that’s his problem to solve. Encourage him to find healthy ways to cope with stress, anger, or sadness on his own. You can be supportive, but you’re not responsible for his emotional state. He’s a grown man, not a toddler having a tantrum.
You don’t need to be his personal alarm clock.
If your husband can’t wake up on time for work or appointments, that’s on him. You’re his wife, not his mother. Don’t fall into the trap of repeatedly nudging him awake or making sure he’s out of bed. Let him face the consequences of his own actions. He’ll learn to set an alarm and get up on his own soon enough when he realises you won’t do it for him.
You shouldn’t have to clean up after him like he’s a child.
Your husband should know how to pick up after himself. You’re not the maid, and you certainly didn’t sign up to clean up his dirty dishes, laundry, or clutter. If he makes a mess, he should clean it up. Don’t enable laziness by always tidying up after him. If he doesn’t do his share, leave his mess where it is. He’ll get the message eventually.
You don’t have to be his social secretary.
Planning all the social events, remembering birthdays, and maintaining relationships with his family and friends isn’t your responsibility. Your husband is capable of managing his own social calendar and keeping in touch with people. Don’t take on the mental load of organising his entire social life. Let him do the work of maintaining his own relationships.
You shouldn’t have to constantly praise him for doing basic tasks.
Doing the dishes or changing a nappy isn’t going above and beyond — it’s just being an adult. You don’t need to shower your husband with praise every time he does a basic household chore or parenting task. It’s what he should be doing anyway. Save your appreciation for when he genuinely goes out of his way to do something special.
You don’t have to be his only source of entertainment.
Your husband should be able to entertain himself without relying on you all the time. You’re not responsible for curing his boredom or filling every moment of his free time. Encourage him to develop his own hobbies and interests. It’s healthy for both of you to have some separate activities and not depend on each other for constant entertainment.
You shouldn’t have to manage his health for him.
Booking doctor’s appointments, reminding him to take medication, or nagging him to exercise isn’t your job. Your husband is an adult who should be capable of managing his own health. While it’s fine to be supportive, don’t take on the responsibility of monitoring and managing his wellbeing. He needs to take charge of his own health.
You don’t need to be his career coach.
It’s not your responsibility to push your husband’s career forward or motivate him to go for promotions. You can be supportive of his professional goals, but you shouldn’t have to be the one always encouraging him to update his CV or apply for new positions. His career ambitions and progress are his own responsibility.
You shouldn’t have to be his financial manager.
While it’s important to discuss finances together, you shouldn’t have to take sole responsibility for budgeting, paying bills, or managing savings if that’s not what you’ve agreed to. Your husband should be equally involved in financial decisions and responsibilities. Don’t let him off the hook just because he claims he’s “not good with money”.
You don’t have to be his personal shopper.
Buying your husband’s clothes, toiletries, or other personal items shouldn’t fall solely on your shoulders. He’s perfectly capable of shopping for himself. If he can’t be bothered to pick out his own socks or deodorant, that’s his problem. Let him face the consequences of running out of clean shirts or aftershave.
You shouldn’t have to be his memory bank.
Remembering important dates, appointments, or tasks for your husband isn’t your job. He’s an adult who should be capable of managing his own schedule and remembering important information. Don’t let yourself become his personal reminder service. If he forgets something important, let him deal with the fallout.
You don’t need to be his cooking service.
Unless you’ve explicitly agreed to handle all the cooking, your husband should be able to prepare meals for himself. You’re not a restaurant, and he’s not helpless. Even if you enjoy cooking, he should be willing and able to take on his fair share of meal preparation. Don’t let him use incompetence as an excuse — everyone can learn basic cooking skills.
You shouldn’t have to be his tech support.
If your husband can’t figure out how to use his phone, computer, or other devices, that’s his problem to solve. You’re not his personal IT department. Encourage him to learn basic tech skills or find resources to help him. Don’t waste your time constantly fixing his tech issues if he’s not willing to learn.
You don’t have to be his therapist.
While it’s important to support each other emotionally, you shouldn’t be your husband’s sole source of emotional support or his unpaid therapist. If he’s struggling with serious issues, encourage him to get professional help. It’s not fair to put the weight of his mental health entirely on your shoulders.
You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your own needs constantly.
Your needs, goals, and desires are just as important as your husband’s. Don’t fall into the trap of always putting his needs first at the expense of your own. A healthy marriage involves give and take, not one person constantly sacrificing for the other. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself and pursuing your own interests and ambitions.
You don’t have to tolerate disrespect or abuse.
This should go without saying, but you should never have to put up with disrespect, emotional manipulation, or any form of abuse from your husband. A healthy marriage is built on mutual respect and kindness. If your husband isn’t treating you with the respect you deserve, it’s time to set firm boundaries or reconsider the relationship altogether. Your wellbeing and safety come first.
