Messing up is part of being human, and there will come times when you end up hurting someone you care about, however unintentionally.
In those situations, it’s so important to apologise sincerely and make amends for what you’ve done. Here’s how to do exactly that (because there’s nothing worse than fake remorse).
1. Say the words “I’m sorry” or “I apologise” directly and without hesitation.
Don’t beat around the bush. A genuine apology starts with those two little words. They may seem simple, but they hold immense power. Avoiding them or trying to sugar coat the situation sends the message that you’re not fully owning up to your mistake.
2. Be specific about what you’re apologising for.
Don’t just offer a generic “I’m sorry.” Instead, pinpoint exactly what you did wrong. This shows the other person that you’ve taken the time to reflect on your actions and understand the impact they had. It also demonstrates your willingness to take responsibility for your specific mistakes.
3. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings and validate their experience.
Source: Unsplash An apology isn’t just about admitting your own wrongdoing; it’s also about recognising the pain or hurt you’ve caused the other person. Let them know that you understand how your actions affected them and that you’re truly sorry for their experience. This shows empathy and compassion, which are essential for building trust and repairing the relationship.
4. Avoid excuses or justifications for your behaviour.
One of the quickest ways to ruin a sincere apology is to start making excuses or trying to justify your actions. This shifts the focus away from your responsibility and makes it seem like you’re not truly remorseful. If there were mitigating circumstances, you can briefly explain them, but focus on taking ownership of your mistakes.
5. Offer a solution or a plan to make amends.
Words are a good start, but actions speak louder. If possible, offer a solution or a plan to make amends for the harm you’ve caused. This could involve rectifying a mistake, offering compensation, or simply making a commitment to change your behaviour in the future. This demonstrates that you’re not only sorry for what happened, but also willing to take steps to prevent it from happening again.
6. Ask for forgiveness, but don’t demand it.
While it’s natural to want forgiveness after apologising, it’s important to remember that it’s the other person’s choice to give it. Don’t pressure them or make them feel obligated to forgive you. Instead, humbly ask for their forgiveness and express your hope that they can find it in their heart to move forward.
7. Be patient and understanding if it takes time for the other person to forgive you.
Healing takes time, and forgiveness doesn’t always happen overnight. Be patient and understanding if the other person needs space or time to process their emotions. Respect their boundaries and don’t try to force reconciliation. Show them through your actions that you’re genuinely remorseful and committed to making things right.
8. Deliver your apology in person, if possible.
While a written or phone apology can be appropriate in some situations, a face-to-face apology is usually the most sincere and effective way to communicate your remorse. It allows you to express your emotions more authentically and demonstrate your willingness to take responsibility for your actions.
9. Choose the right time and place for your apology.
Don’t ambush the person with your apology when they’re busy, stressed, or distracted. Find a quiet, private place where you can talk without interruptions. Also, be mindful of the other person’s emotional state. If they’re still feeling very hurt or angry, it might be better to wait until they’ve had some time to cool down before attempting an apology.
10. Don’t get defensive if the other person expresses their hurt or anger.
During an apology, it’s important to listen to the other person’s feelings and validate their experience. Even if their reaction seems exaggerated or unreasonable to you, resist the urge to get defensive or argue. Remember, your goal is to repair the relationship, not to win a debate. Focus on listening with empathy and understanding.
11. Be prepared to make a sincere apology more than once.
Sometimes, one apology isn’t enough to fully heal the hurt you’ve caused. Be prepared to apologise multiple times if necessary, but make sure each apology is heartfelt and genuine. Don’t just repeat the same words over and over; show through your actions that you’re committed to making amends and changing your behaviour.
12. Avoid making promises you can’t keep.
When offering a solution or a plan to make amends, be realistic and avoid making promises you can’t keep. It’s better to under-promise and over-deliver than to set unrealistic expectations that you can’t fulfil. This will only lead to further disappointment and destroy the trust in the relationship.
13. Learn from your mistakes and strive to be a better person.
Apologising is just the first step. The real test of your sincerity is whether you learn from your mistakes and strive to be a better person. Take the time to reflect on your actions, understand the impact they had, and make a conscious effort to change your behaviour. This benefits the person you’ve hurt and helps you grow as an individual.
