Even after you escape an emotionally abusive relationship, it doesn’t leave you.
Sure, the abuse may not be happening in real time anymore, but the damage it did to you while it was will take time (and potentially a lot of therapy) to work through. Here are some of the worst side effects of having been through such terrible treatment.
1. It’s hard to trust people.
Emotional abuse often involves manipulation, gaslighting, and betrayal, leaving the victim feeling deeply betrayed and unsure who to trust. This lack of trust can extend beyond the abuser, making it nearly impossible to form healthy relationships. It can lead to suspicion, insecurity, and a fear of getting hurt again. Rebuilding trust takes time, patience, and a lot of healing.
2. You question your own self-worth.
Emotional abuse is often characterised by constant criticism, belittling, and demeaning remarks. Over time, these hurtful words can chip away at your self-esteem and make you doubt your worth. You might start to believe the negative things said about you, questioning your abilities, your appearance, and your value as a person. Rebuilding self-worth requires recognising your own strengths, challenging negative self-talk, and getting support from people who truly value you.
3. You feel anxious and insecure in relationships.
The trauma of emotional abuse can leave you feeling anxious and insecure in future relationships. You might constantly worry about being hurt or abandoned again. You might be hyper-vigilant, looking for signs of danger or red flags. These anxieties can make it difficult to relax and enjoy healthy relationships. Healing from these insecurities involves understanding the root of your fears, learning to trust your instincts, and developing healthy coping mechanisms.
4. You struggle with self-doubt and guilt.
Emotional abuse often involves blaming the victim for the abuser’s behaviour. This can lead to feelings of self-doubt and guilt. You might question your own actions, your choices, and your worthiness of love and respect. It’s important to remember that you are not to blame for the abuse. Healing from self-doubt and guilt involves challenging these negative thoughts, practising self-compassion, and leaning on your support network.
5. You have difficulty setting boundaries.
Emotional abuse can do a number on your sense of self and make it difficult to set healthy boundaries. You might feel obligated to please other people, even at the expense of your own well-being. You might struggle to say no or assert your needs. Learning to set boundaries is an essential part of healing from emotional abuse. It involves recognising your own needs, communicating them assertively, and respecting your own limits.
6. You experience flashbacks and nightmares.
Emotional abuse can be traumatic, and the memories of it can linger long after the relationship is over. You might experience flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts about the abuse. These can be triggered by certain sights, sounds, or smells that remind you of the trauma. Healing from these flashbacks involves processing the trauma, developing coping mechanisms, and talking to a professional if needed.
7. You isolate yourself.
The pain of emotional abuse can make you withdraw from social interactions and isolate yourself. You might feel ashamed, embarrassed, or unworthy of love and support. But isolation only worsens the pain and makes it harder to heal. Connecting with supportive people is essential for recovery. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist who can offer a listening ear, validation, and encouragement.
8. You have difficulty regulating your emotions.
Emotional abuse can dysregulate your emotions, making it difficult to manage your feelings. You might experience mood swings, irritability, anger, or sadness. You might also struggle with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues. Healing from emotional dysregulation involves developing healthy coping mechanisms and practising mindfulness.
9. You struggle with low self-esteem and negative self-talk.
The constant barrage of criticism and put-downs from an emotional abuser can leave you feeling worthless and inadequate. You might internalise their negative messages and start to believe that you’re not good enough. This negative self-talk can become a vicious cycle, reinforcing feelings of low self-esteem and making it difficult to see yourself in a positive light. Challenging these negative thoughts, practising self-compassion, and asking for the support you need can help you rebuild your self-esteem and develop a more positive self-image.
10. You have difficulty making decisions and trusting your own judgement.
Emotional abuse can destroy your confidence and make you doubt your own abilities. The abuser may have constantly questioned your decisions, criticised your choices, or gaslighted you into believing that you can’t think for yourself. This can make it difficult to trust your own judgement and make decisions independently. Rebuilding your confidence and trusting your instincts is an important part of healing from emotional abuse. It involves recognising your own strengths, celebrating your successes, and validating yourself.
11. You experience physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and stomachaches.
The stress and trauma of emotional abuse can take a toll on your physical health. You might experience fatigue, headaches, stomachaches, or other physical symptoms. These can be a manifestation of the emotional pain you’re carrying. Taking care of your physical health is an important part of healing from emotional abuse. This includes getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and managing stress through relaxation techniques.
12. You have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.
The scars of emotional abuse can make it challenging to form and maintain healthy relationships. You might struggle to trust people, set boundaries, or communicate your needs effectively. You might also attract partners who exhibit similar patterns of behaviour to your abuser. Healing from emotional abuse and learning to build healthy relationships takes time and effort. It often involves therapy, support groups, and developing healthy coping mechanisms.
13. You feel a sense of loss and grief.
Even though the abusive relationship is over, you might still experience a sense of loss and grief. You might grieve the loss of the person you thought the abuser was, the loss of the relationship you hoped for, or the loss of your own innocence and trust. Grieving is a natural part of the healing process. It’s important to allow yourself to feel the pain and sadness, but also to get support from people and find healthy ways to cope with your emotions.
14. You feel a lingering sense of shame and embarrassment.
Emotional abuse can leave you feeling ashamed and embarrassed about what you’ve been through. You might blame yourself for the abuse or feel like you should have known better. It’s important to remember that you are not to blame for the abuse. Shame and embarrassment are common reactions to trauma, but they can hinder your healing process. Talking about your experiences with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can help you overcome these feelings and move forward.
15. You experience triggers that bring back painful memories.
Certain sights, sounds, smells, or situations can trigger memories of the abuse, even years later. These triggers can be unexpected and overwhelming, causing you to relive the pain and trauma. Identifying your triggers and developing coping mechanisms to manage them is an important part of healing. This might involve therapy, mindfulness techniques, or asking for help.
