Some people really cannot take a compliment to save their lives. It’s like they’re allergic to praise!
If you find yourself squirming, deflecting, or downplaying the nice things people say to or about you, you might be one of those people. It’s okay; it happens to the best of us. But learning to accept compliments gracefully is not only a sign of politeness, but also a way to acknowledge your own worth. If you do these things, you’ve got some work to do in this department!
1. You immediately deflect or downplay the compliment.
Source: Unsplash Someone says, “You look amazing!” and your immediate response is, “Oh, this old thing? I’ve had it for ages.” While modesty can be charming, constantly deflecting or downplaying compliments can be a sign of low self-esteem or a fear of appearing arrogant. Instead, try to simply say “thank you” and acknowledge the positive feedback. Remember, accepting a compliment doesn’t mean you’re bragging; it means you’re recognising your own value.
2. You feel uncomfortable and awkward.
Receiving a compliment can sometimes trigger feelings of discomfort or awkwardness, especially if you’re not used to being praised. You might blush, stammer, or even change the subject to avoid the spotlight. While it’s normal to feel a bit flustered, try to take a deep breath and acknowledge the compliment with a smile. Remember, the person giving you the compliment is trying to express their appreciation, so don’t make them feel awkward by dismissing their kind words.
3. You feel the need to reciprocate immediately.
Source: Unsplash When someone compliments you, you feel obligated to return the favour immediately. While it’s nice to acknowledge the person’s positive qualities, try to resist the urge to immediately reciprocate with a compliment of your own. It can make the exchange feel forced or insincere. Instead, simply say “thank you” and let the moment be about them. You can always express your appreciation for them at another time.
4. You question the sincerity of the compliment.
When someone praises you, you might immediately start questioning their motives or doubting their sincerity. You might think they’re just being polite, trying to manipulate you, or have ulterior motives. While it’s important to be discerning, constantly questioning the sincerity of compliments can be a sign of deep-seated insecurity or mistrust. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt and accept their kind words at face value. If they’re genuinely trying to make you feel good, let them.
5. You feel like you don’t deserve the compliment.
Imposter syndrome can make you feel like you’re not good enough, even when people are singing your praises. You might downplay your achievements, attribute your success to luck, or feel like you’re fooling everyone. If you find yourself struggling with imposter syndrome, try to challenge those negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your accomplishments, strengths, and the value you bring to the table. Remember, you deserve to be recognised and appreciated for your contributions.
6. You get defensive or argumentative.
When someone compliments you, your initial reaction is to argue or defend yourself. You might point out your flaws, downplay your achievements, or even turn the compliment into a self-deprecating joke. This defensive behaviour might stem from a fear of being judged, a lack of self-confidence, or a belief that you’re not worthy of praise. Instead of arguing, try to accept the compliment graciously and let it sink in. It’s okay to feel proud of yourself and acknowledge your strengths.
7. You change the subject or redirect the attention.
When someone compliments you, you quickly change the subject or redirect the attention to someone else. You might feel uncomfortable with the spotlight on you or worry about appearing boastful. While it’s considerate to acknowledge other people’s contributions, don’t shy away from receiving praise for your own accomplishments. Take a moment to bask in the positive feedback and allow yourself to feel appreciated.
8. You feel like you need to do more to earn the compliment.
When someone praises you, you might feel like you haven’t done enough to deserve it. You might think you need to work harder, achieve more, or be even better to truly earn their admiration. This perfectionist mindset can be exhausting and prevent you from fully enjoying your accomplishments. Remember, you don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of praise. Celebrate your achievements, big or small, and allow yourself to feel proud of your hard work and dedication.
9. You compare yourself to other people and feel inadequate.
When someone compliments you, your mind immediately jumps to comparing yourself to anyone and everyone else. You might think, “But so-and-so is way better at this than me.” This comparison game can quickly diminish the positive feelings associated with the compliment and leave you feeling insecure and inadequate. Remember, everyone has their own unique strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your own accomplishments and don’t let comparison steal your joy.
10. You feel like you owe the person something in return.
Source: Unsplash When someone compliments you, you might feel like you’re indebted to them or that you need to repay the favour in some way. This sense of obligation can stem from a belief that compliments are transactional rather than genuine expressions of appreciation. Remember, compliments are meant to be given freely, without any expectation of reciprocity. Simply say “thank you” and let the gesture be a gift, not a debt.
11. You internalise the compliment as a personal flaw.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, compliments can inadvertently trigger feelings of insecurity or self-doubt. For example, if someone compliments you on your weight loss, you might interpret it as a subtle criticism of your previous appearance. This tendency to internalise compliments as flaws can be a sign of low self-esteem or body image issues. Try to challenge these negative thoughts and remind yourself that compliments are meant to be positive affirmations, not veiled insults.
12. You assume the compliment is insincere or manipulative.
If you have a history of being manipulated or receiving backhanded compliments, you might be more likely to assume that all compliments are insincere or have ulterior motives. While it’s important to be cautious and discerning, don’t let cynicism rob you of the joy of receiving genuine compliments. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that they’re genuinely trying to make you feel good. If their words feel genuine, accept them with grace and gratitude.
13. You feel embarrassed or ashamed.
Source: Unsplash For some people, receiving compliments can trigger feelings of embarrassment or shame. You might feel like you’re not worthy of praise or that you’re being put on a pedestal. This reaction might stem from a deep-seated belief that you’re not good enough or that you don’t deserve good things. If you find yourself feeling embarrassed or ashamed when receiving compliments, try to challenge those negative thoughts and remind yourself of your worth. You are deserving of love, recognition, and appreciation.
14. You overanalyse the compliment and its implications.
Source: Unsplash Instead of simply accepting a compliment, you start overanalysing it, looking for hidden meanings or underlying motives. You might dissect the words, tone, and context of the compliment, searching for any hint of insincerity or hidden agendas. This overthinking can quickly turn a positive experience into a stressful one. Try to take compliments at face value and avoid overanalysing them. Remember, most people simply want to express their appreciation, not play mind games.
15. You feel the need to prove yourself.
Source: Unsplash When someone compliments you, you might feel the need to immediately prove that you’re worthy of their praise. You might start listing your accomplishments, highlighting your strengths, or showcasing your talents. While it’s natural to want to impress people, try to resist the urge to constantly prove yourself. Accepting a compliment doesn’t mean you need to validate yourself or your achievements. Simply say “thank you” and let the compliment stand on its own merit.
