Men, listen up—some of your behaviours are driving women insane.
These aren’t just minor annoyances; they’re deeply problematic traits that women find repulsive. If you want to improve your relationships with women, whether romantic or platonic, it’s time to take a hard look at yourself. These are just some of the toxic male traits that make women roll their eyes and walk away. (And yes, for the record, women are well aware that you have your gripes with us, as well. That’s a discussion for another day.)
1. Mansplaining
You’re not as smart as you think you are. When you explain basic concepts to women as if they’re children, you’re not being helpful; you’re being condescending. Women are just as capable as men of understanding complex topics. Your unsolicited explanations aren’t impressive; they’re irritating. Trust that women know things and can ask for clarification if they need it.
2. Emotional unavailability
Your stoicism isn’t attractive; it’s frustrating. When you refuse to open up emotionally, you’re being immature rather than “strong.” Women want partners who can express their feelings and engage in meaningful conversations. Your emotional constipation creates a barrier in relationships. Learn to identify and communicate your emotions effectively.
3. Toxic competitiveness
Not everything is a contest. Your need to one-up everyone, especially other men, is exhausting. Women aren’t impressed by your constant comparisons and boasting. True confidence doesn’t require putting people down or always coming out on top. Focus on personal growth rather than outdoing everyone around you.
4. Refusing to ask for help
Your stubborn insistence on doing everything yourself isn’t admirable; it’s foolish. Whether it’s asking for directions or seeking professional help, your refusal to admit you need assistance is frustrating. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. In reality, it’s a sign of maturity and self-awareness. Learn to recognise when you’re out of your depth.
5. Casual sexism
Your “jokes” about women belonging in the kitchen or being bad drivers aren’t funny, they’re offensive. Casual sexism, even when you think it’s harmless, reveals your underlying attitudes towards women. These comments create a hostile environment and show a lack of respect. Educate yourself on gender equality and think before you speak.
6. Performative feminism
Claiming to be a feminist while still exhibiting sexist behaviours is hypocritical. Women can see through your superficial support. True allyship requires consistent actions, not just words. If you’re going to call yourself a feminist, make sure your behaviour aligns with those values in all aspects of your life.
7. Ignoring boundaries
When a woman says no, she means no. Whether it’s in a romantic context or a platonic one, respecting boundaries is non-negotiable. Pushing limits or trying to change her mind is not persistence. It’s called harassment. Learn to accept rejection gracefully and respect people’s personal space and decisions.
8. Weaponised incompetence
Pretending to be bad at household chores to avoid doing them is manipulative and childish. Women aren’t your mothers or maids. Claiming you “don’t know how” to do laundry or cook a simple meal is transparent and lazy. Take responsibility for your share of domestic duties and learn basic life skills.
9. Interrupting and talking over women
Your opinion isn’t more important just because you’re louder. Constantly interrupting women in conversations shows a lack of respect and consideration. It’s not a debate you need to win, but a conversation. Practise active listening and wait for your turn to speak. You might actually learn something if you let people finish their thoughts.
10. Avoiding responsibility
Blaming people for your mistakes or shortcomings is immature. Women want partners who can admit when they’re wrong and take responsibility for their actions. Your excuses and finger-pointing are transparent attempts to avoid accountability. Own up to your mistakes, learn from them, and do better next time.
11. Dismissing women’s concerns
When women express concerns about safety or inequality, listening is crucial. Dismissing their experiences or responding with “not all men” misses the point entirely. Women’s fears and frustrations are based on real experiences. Instead of getting defensive, try to understand their perspective and be part of the solution. Your support and allyship are more valuable than your rebuttals.
12. Gatekeeping interests
Questioning women’s knowledge or interest in traditionally male-dominated fields is insulting. Whether it’s sports, video games, or any other hobby, women don’t need to prove their credentials to you. Your attempts to test their knowledge or exclude them from conversations are transparent and childish. Welcome diverse perspectives instead of guarding your territory.
13. Prioritising ‘bros’ over relationships
While friendships are important, consistently putting your mates before your partner is disrespectful. Women want to feel valued in relationships, not like they’re competing with your friends for attention. Balance is key. Maintain your friendships, but don’t use “bro code” as an excuse to neglect your partner or behave inappropriately.
14. Refusing to acknowledge privilege
Denying the existence of male privilege doesn’t make it disappear. Your insistence that sexism isn’t real because you don’t see it is wilful ignorance. Women experience discrimination and challenges that you might not face or notice. Listen to women’s experiences without becoming defensive. Acknowledging privilege is the first step to creating positive change.
15. Using ‘alpha male’ rhetoric
Your obsession with being an “alpha male” is laughable. This pseudo-scientific concept is harmful and outdated. True strength isn’t about dominating people or adhering to rigid stereotypes of masculinity. It’s about being secure in yourself, showing empathy, and treating people with respect. Drop the alpha act and focus on being a decent human being.
16. Expecting emotional labour
Relying on women to manage your emotions and relationships is unfair. Women aren’t your therapists or social secretaries. Expecting them to comfort you, remember important dates, or maintain your friendships is a form of unpaid labour. Take responsibility for your emotional well-being and social life. Develop your own support systems and organisational skills.
