1. You understand that it’s not actually about you.
Toxic behaviour stems from the person’s own issues and insecurities, not from anything you’ve done. It’s their baggage, not yours. Recognising this can help you detach and avoid taking their words or actions personally. Remember, you’re not responsible for their negativity. It’s their problem, not yours.
2. You establish and maintain clear boundaries.
Healthy boundaries are essential when dealing with toxic people. Decide what you’re willing to tolerate and communicate your limits clearly. This might mean saying no to certain requests, limiting contact, or ending conversations when they become toxic. By setting boundaries, you protect your own well-being and send a message that you won’t tolerate mistreatment.
3. You avoid getting sucked into their drama.
Toxic people thrive on drama and conflict. Don’t get dragged into their whirlpool of negativity. Refuse to engage in gossip, arguments, or any other behaviour that fuels their toxic fire. Instead, focus on staying calm and centred. By refusing to participate in their drama, you take away their power and maintain your own peace of mind.
4. You practise active listening (without taking on their emotions).
Sometimes, toxic people just need to vent. Practising active listening means genuinely paying attention to what they’re saying without interrupting or judging. However, be mindful of your own emotional state. Don’t allow their negativity to seep into your own thoughts and feelings. Listen with empathy, but don’t internalise their toxic energy.
5. You focus on solutions, not problems.
When interacting with a toxic person, try to steer the conversation towards solutions rather than dwelling on problems. If they’re constantly complaining or criticising, gently redirect them towards positive action steps or potential solutions. This helps to shift the focus away from negativity and towards constructive problem-solving. It also demonstrates your willingness to help, while avoiding getting sucked into their negativity.
6. You surround yourself with positive people and influences.
Spending time with positive, supportive people can act as a buffer against the negativity of toxic individuals. Cultivate relationships with friends, family members, or colleagues who uplift you and make you feel good about yourself. Their positive energy can help counteract the drain caused by toxic interactions. Remember, you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with, so choose your circle wisely.
7. You prioritise self-care and well-being.
Dealing with a toxic person can be emotionally exhausting. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself by prioritising activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. This might include exercise, meditation, spending time in nature, or indulging in hobbies you enjoy. Taking care of your own well-being ensures you have the resilience to deal with toxic interactions and protects you from burnout.
8. You ask for support when needed.
If dealing with a toxic person is taking a toll on your mental health, don’t hesitate to ask for some external support. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or counsellor who can offer guidance and support. They can provide a listening ear, offer helpful coping strategies, and help you process any negative emotions you may be experiencing. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone.
9. You choose your battles wisely.
Not every disagreement or negative comment warrants a response. Sometimes, it’s better to simply let things go. Pick your battles wisely and only engage when it truly matters or when you can make a positive difference. By choosing your battles wisely, you conserve your energy for things that truly matter and avoid unnecessary conflict with the toxic person.
10. You maintain your sense of humour.
A little laughter can go a long way in defusing tension and maintaining perspective. Finding humour in the absurdity of toxic situations can help you detach emotionally and avoid taking things too seriously. Share a light-hearted comment or joke to lighten the mood and remind yourself that you don’t have to let their negativity bring you down. Remember, laughter is often the best medicine, even when dealing with difficult people.
11. You remember your own worth and value.
Toxic people often try to undermine your confidence and make you doubt yourself. Don’t let their negativity define you. Remind yourself of your own worth, strengths, and accomplishments. Surround yourself with people who appreciate and value you. By staying true to yourself and remembering your own value, you can rise above their attempts to bring you down.
12. You forgive (but don’t forget).
Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning their behaviour; it means releasing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment. Holding on to negativity only hurts you. Forgive them for their own sake and for yours, but don’t forget the lessons you’ve learned. Forgiveness allows you to move on and create space for positive energy in your life.
13. You set healthy expectations.
Don’t expect toxic people to change overnight or become the person you want them to be. Accept them for who they are and set realistic expectations for your interactions. This means not taking their behaviour personally, not expecting them to apologise or take responsibility, and not hoping for a dramatic transformation. By setting healthy expectations, you avoid disappointment and frustration.
14. You maintain your own sense of identity and independence.
Don’t let toxic people define who you are or what you’re capable of. Stay true to your own values, goals, and dreams. Pursue your own interests and passions, regardless of their opinions or criticisms. Maintain your own social circle and activities that bring you joy. By staying true to yourself and maintaining your independence, you protect yourself from their influence and maintain a strong sense of self.
15. You know when to walk away.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the toxicity becomes too much to bear. If the relationship is causing you significant distress or harming your well-being, it might be time to walk away. This doesn’t mean you’re giving up or admitting defeat; it means prioritising your own mental and emotional health. Walking away can be a difficult decision, but it’s sometimes the healthiest and most empowering choice you can make for yourself.
