We all want to be engaging and interesting, but not all of us are.
In fact, we might be putting people to sleep without even realising it. Here are 18 ways you might be unintentionally boring the socks off people.
1. You talk about yourself… a lot.
Sure, your life is fascinating to you, but a one-sided conversation is a fast track to Snooze City. If you find yourself going on and on about your day, your job, or your latest achievement without asking questions or showing interest in the other person, you might be losing their attention. Try to balance sharing about yourself with genuine curiosity about the other person’s experiences.
2. You never change the subject.
Stuck on one topic? Even if it’s your absolute favourite thing in the world, talking about it non-stop can wear thin. Pay attention to signs that the other person might want to switch gears. If their eyes are glazing over, or they’re giving one-word responses, it’s probably time to change the subject. Variety is the spice of life, after all!
3. You don’t read the room.
Being oblivious to social cues is a guaranteed way to bore people. If you’re telling a long story at a party where everyone else is having quick, lively exchanges, you might be missing the vibe. Try to match the energy and pace of the social situation you’re in. It’s like dancing — you’ve got to feel the rhythm of the room.
4. You lack enthusiasm.
Speaking in a monotone or seeming disinterested in what you’re saying can make even the most exciting topic feel dull. If you’re not excited about what you’re saying, why should anyone else be? Try to inject some energy and passion into your conversations. Your enthusiasm can be contagious!
5. You don’t ask questions.
Conversations are a two-way street. If you’re not showing interest in the other person by asking questions, you’re essentially having a monologue. And let’s face it, unless you’re a stand-up comedian, monologues aren’t usually that entertaining. Ask thoughtful questions and really listen to the answers. You might learn something interesting!
6. You give too many details.
While details can make a story rich, too many can bog it down. If you’re explaining every single step of how you made dinner, including which aisle you found the paprika in at the grocery store, you might be losing your audience. Try to focus on the most interesting or relevant parts of your story. Think highlights, not play-by-play.
7. You complain constantly.
Everyone needs to vent sometimes, but if your conversations are a non-stop gripe fest, people might start avoiding you. Constant negativity is exhausting for listeners. Try to balance out complaints with positive observations or solutions. If you must vent, do it briefly and then move on to more uplifting topics.
8. You don’t have any outside interests.
If your life revolves solely around work or a single hobby, you might struggle to engage in diverse conversations. Having a range of interests gives you more to talk about and makes you more relatable to different people. Try picking up a new hobby, reading about various topics, or exploring new experiences. It’ll give you fresh material for conversations!
9. You repeat the same stories.
We all have our greatest hits — those stories that always get a laugh. But if you’re telling the same tales over and over to the same people, you’re not giving them anything new to engage with. Keep track of who’s heard what, and try to come up with fresh anecdotes. Your friends will appreciate the new material!
10. You don’t listen actively.
If you’re just waiting for your turn to speak instead of really listening, you’re missing out on opportunities to have a genuinely engaging conversation. Active listening involves paying attention, asking follow-up questions, and showing that you’re truly interested in what the other person is saying. It’s not just polite — it makes for much more interesting exchanges.
11. You use too much jargon or technical language.
Sure, you’re an expert in your field, but if you’re using terms and concepts that go over everyone’s heads, you’re not going to keep their interest. Try to explain things in plain language that anyone can understand. If you can make complex ideas accessible, people will find you much more engaging.
12. You don’t have opinions.
Playing it safe by never expressing an opinion can make you seem bland. While you don’t want to be confrontational, having well-thought-out views on things can lead to stimulating discussions. Don’t be afraid to respectfully disagree or offer a different perspective. Just remember to be open to other people’s viewpoints too.
13. You don’t keep up with current events.
If you’re out of touch with what’s happening in the world, you might struggle to participate in many conversations. You don’t need to be a news junkie, but having a basic awareness of major events gives you common ground with people. Plus, it provides plenty of interesting topics to discuss!
14. You take forever to get to the point.
If your stories or explanations meander all over the place before getting to the main idea, you might lose people along the way. Try to organise your thoughts before speaking. Start with the most interesting or important part, then fill in details as needed. It’s like giving a good headline before diving into the full story.
15. You don’t show any vulnerability.
Always presenting a perfect facade can actually make you less relatable and interesting. Sharing some of your challenges or mistakes (within reason) can make you seem more human and approachable. It invites people to connect with you on a deeper level.
16. You avoid any form of conflict.
While you don’t want to be argumentative, totally avoiding any disagreement can make conversations feel flat. Respectful debates or discussions where people have different views can be very engaging. Don’t be afraid to politely challenge ideas or offer a different perspective. Just remember to keep it friendly!
17. You don’t have much of a sense of humour.
A little bit of humour can go a long way in making conversations more enjoyable. You don’t need to be a comedian, but the occasional joke or light-hearted comment can keep things fun and engaging. Just be mindful of your audience and the situation — what’s funny in one context might not be in another.
18. You’re always on your phone.
Constantly checking your phone or scrolling through social media while talking to someone is not only rude, it’s boring. It signals that you’re not fully present or interested in the conversation. Try to give people your full attention. If you need to check your phone, excuse yourself briefly. Being present makes you much more engaging to be around.
