Narcissists, with their charm and charisma, can often leave you questioning your sanity.
They’re masters of manipulation, twisting situations to suit their narrative and leaving you doubting your own experiences. This isn’t about a simple disagreement or misunderstanding—we’re talking about a pattern of behaviours designed to undermine your confidence and maintain their control.
1. They deny your reality and gaslight you.
Source: Unsplash One minute you’re certain of what you saw or heard, the next, you’re doubting yourself. Narcissists are experts at gaslighting, a manipulation tactic where they deny your reality, making you question your memory and perception. They might say things like, “You’re overreacting,” “That never happened,” or “You’re imagining things.” This constant invalidation can leave you feeling disoriented and unsure of yourself.
2. They deflect blame and never take responsibility.
Nothing is ever their fault. Did something go wrong? It’s because of you, someone else, or circumstances beyond their control. Narcissists are skilled at deflecting blame, twisting narratives to avoid accountability. This leaves you feeling responsible for their mistakes, constantly apologising even when you’ve done nothing wrong. They might say things like, “You made me do it,” or “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted this way.”
3. They project their own flaws onto you.
Suddenly, you’re the selfish one, the liar, the one who’s always causing problems. Narcissists often project their negative traits and behaviours onto you. It’s a defence mechanism that allows them to avoid facing their own shortcomings. If they accuse you of being manipulative, for example, it might be because they’re the ones engaging in manipulation. This can lead to confusion and self-doubt, as you start questioning your own character and motives.
4. They twist your words and actions.
Source: Pexels No matter how carefully you choose your words or actions, a narcissist will find a way to misinterpret them to their advantage. They might accuse you of being overly sensitive, dramatic, or unreasonable. A simple comment can be twisted into an attack, a harmless action into a betrayal. This constant misrepresentation of your intentions can leave you feeling frustrated and misunderstood.
5. They isolate you from friends and family.
Source: Unsplash Slowly but surely, your support system dwindles. Narcissists often try to isolate you from loved ones who might offer a different perspective or challenge their narrative. They might plant seeds of doubt about your friends and family, making you question their loyalty. This isolation makes you more dependent on the narcissist, increasing their control over you and making it harder to break free.
6. They love bomb and devalue you.
Source: Unsplash One moment they shower you with affection, the next they’re cold and distant. This cycle of love bombing and devaluation is a hallmark of narcissistic relationships. The initial love bombing phase is intense, overwhelming you with compliments and attention. But it’s just a tactic to lure you in. Once they feel they have you hooked, the devaluation begins. This emotional rollercoaster can leave you feeling insecure and craving their approval.
7. They create chaos and drama.
Source: Unsplash Ever feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, unsure of what might trigger their anger or disapproval? Narcissists thrive on drama and chaos. They might pick fights, create problems out of thin air, or intentionally provoke you. This keeps you on edge and focused on them, distracting you from their manipulative behaviours.
8. They use silent treatment as a weapon.
Suddenly, they disappear, leaving you to wonder what you did wrong. Narcissists often use the silent treatment as a form of punishment and control. This withholding of communication can be incredibly painful, causing you to overanalyse your actions and desperately seek their approval. It’s a way for them to maintain power, leaving you feeling anxious and insecure.
9. They triangulate with other people to create insecurity.
Ever felt like you’re constantly competing for their attention? Narcissists often use triangulation to create insecurity and jealousy. They might flirt with other people in front of you, mention their exes, or compare you to other people. This keeps you on edge, constantly vying for their approval and validation. They might say things like, “My ex always did it this way,” or “Everyone else thinks you’re being unreasonable.”
10. They undermine your achievements and dismiss your feelings.
That promotion at work? The narcissist will find a way to downplay it. Your emotions? They’ll dismiss them as overly sensitive or irrational. Narcissists often try to undermine your self-esteem by belittling your accomplishments and invalidating your feelings. This can leave you feeling insecure and questioning your worth. They might say things like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “You’re overreacting again.”
11. They give backhanded compliments and negging.
A compliment that stings more than it soothes? That’s a narcissist’s speciality. They might say things like, “You look great for your age,” or “That dress would be perfect if you lost a few pounds.” These backhanded compliments, also known as negging, are designed to chip away at your confidence and make you crave their approval. They create a sense of insecurity that makes you more susceptible to their manipulation.
12. They play the victim to gain sympathy and control.
Suddenly, they’re the ones who are always being wronged. Narcissists are experts at playing the victim, even when they’re the ones causing problems. They might exaggerate their struggles, blame you for their misfortunes, or paint themselves as martyrs. This manipulative tactic is designed to elicit your sympathy and guilt, making you more likely to give in to their demands. They might say things like, “I’m the one who’s always suffering,” or “You never consider my feelings.”
13. They set impossible standards and move the goalposts.
No matter how hard you try, you can never seem to meet their expectations. Narcissists often set impossibly high standards, then change them whenever you come close to meeting them. This is a deliberate tactic to keep you feeling inadequate and constantly striving for their approval. They might say things like, “You could have done better,” or “That’s not good enough for me.”
14. They use emotional blackmail and guilt trips.
Feel like you’re constantly being manipulated into doing what they want? Narcissists are masters of emotional blackmail and guilt trips. They might threaten to leave, withdraw their affection, or remind you of past favours. This manipulative tactic is designed to make you feel responsible for their happiness and well-being, giving them the power to control your actions. They might say things like, “If you really loved me, you would do this,” or “I’ve done so much for you, and this is how you repay me?”
15. They create a false sense of intimacy to gain your trust.
Sharing secrets, revealing vulnerabilities, making you feel like you’re the only one who truly understands them. These are all tactics narcissists use to create a false sense of intimacy. But it’s just a facade, a way to gain your trust and loyalty. Once they have you hooked, they’ll use that intimacy against you, manipulating your emotions and exploiting your vulnerabilities.
16. They are inconsistent and unpredictable.
One moment they’re loving and attentive, the next they’re cold and distant. This inconsistency is a deliberate tactic to keep you off balance and constantly guessing. It makes it difficult to establish a sense of security and stability in the relationship, leading to anxiety and self-doubt. You might find yourself constantly trying to decipher their moods and actions, which can be mentally exhausting.
17. They hoover you back in when you try to leave.
Just when you think you’re finally free, they come back with promises of change and declarations of love. This is called hoovering, a manipulation tactic used by narcissists to suck you back into the relationship. They might apologise, blame their behaviour on external factors, or try to reignite the passion you once felt. It’s important to remember that this is just another tactic to regain control, not a genuine desire for change.
18. They smear your reputation.
Suddenly, your friends and family are hearing a different story about you. Narcissists often engage in smear campaigns to discredit you and protect their own image. They might twist the truth, spread rumours, or paint you as the unstable one. This can be incredibly damaging, isolating you from your support system and making it harder to break free from the narcissist’s grasp.
