There’s a big difference between enjoying solitude and feeling isolated.
If you’ve been telling yourself you’re a loner, but something feels off, you might want to keep an eye out for these warning signs. And by the way, in case you forgot, it’s okay to need connection — we’re social creatures, after all.
1. You scroll social media excessively.
If you’re constantly checking Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok, you might be craving connection more than you realise. Loners tend to be content without constant updates on people’s lives. If you’re using social media as a substitute for real interaction, it could be a sign you’re feeling lonely.
2. You feel jealous of people’s social posts.
Source: Unsplash Genuine loners typically don’t care much about what everyone else is doing. If you find yourself feeling jealous or left out when you see posts of people hanging out, it could mean that you’re longing for more social connection in your life.
3. You dread weekends and holidays.
Source: Unsplash Loners often relish unstructured time alone. If you find yourself anxious about how to fill your weekends or dreading holidays because you don’t have plans, it could be a sign that you’re actually craving more social interaction.
4. You overshare with strangers or acquaintances.
If you find yourself spilling your life story to the cashier or your Uber driver, you might be trying to fulfil an unmet need for connection. Loners typically value their privacy and don’t feel the need to connect deeply with everyone they meet.
5. You keep in touch with people you don’t even like.
Maintaining relationships with people you don’t enjoy just to have someone to talk to is a sign of loneliness, not being a loner. True loners are selective about their social interactions and prefer quality over quantity.
6. You feel relieved when plans are made for you.
If you feel a weight lift off your shoulders when someone else initiates plans, it might mean you’re craving social interaction but struggle to seek it out yourself. Loners generally prefer to control their own social calendar — if they have one at all.
7. You binge-watch TV shows to feel less alone.
Using TV characters as a substitute for real relationships can be a sign of loneliness. While loners might enjoy a good show, they don’t typically rely on fictional characters for a sense of connection.
8. You have a hard time being alone with your thoughts.
Loners are generally comfortable with silence and their own company. If you constantly need background noise or distractions to avoid being alone with your thoughts, it might mean that you’re trying to avoid feelings of loneliness.
9. You romanticise past relationships.
If you find yourself frequently reminiscing about old friendships or relationships, even ones that weren’t great, it could be a sign you’re missing connection in your current life. Loners tend to be more focused on the present than idealising past social connections.
10. You feel anxious in social situations.
Source: Unsplash While loners might not go out looking for social interaction, they’re usually comfortable when they do engage. If you feel extremely anxious in social situations, it might be because you’re out of practice, not because you’re naturally solitary.
11. You overcommit to work or hobbies.
Throwing yourself into work or hobbies can be a way to avoid confronting feelings of loneliness. If you find yourself unable to say no to extra projects or commitments, ask yourself if you’re using busyness as a distraction.
12. You have a lot of online friends but few in-person connections.
While online friendships can be meaningful, if all your social interaction is virtual, it might be a sign you’re craving more real-world connection. Loners typically don’t feel the need to cultivate a large online social circle.
13. You feel uncomfortable eating alone in public.
Source: Unsplash Loners generally don’t mind solo activities like dining out alone. If the thought of eating by yourself in a restaurant makes you anxious, it may mean that you’re more concerned with how people perceive your social status.
14. You stay in unfulfilling relationships.
Staying in romantic relationships or friendships that don’t make you happy just to avoid being alone is a clear sign of loneliness, not being a loner. True loners prefer being alone to being in unsatisfying company.
15. You feel a constant need to text or call someone.
Source: Unsplash If you find yourself always reaching for your phone to contact someone — anyone — it’s likely you’re looking for connection. Loners are generally comfortable with periods of no communication.
16. You feel incomplete when you’re not in a relationship.
While many people enjoy romantic relationships, feeling like you’re not whole without a partner is a sign of loneliness, not independence. Loners are typically content with themselves, partnered or not.
17. You hate doing stuff alone.
Source: Unsplash Loners usually have no problem finding ways to entertain themselves alone. If you struggle to enjoy solitary activities or always feel the need to invite someone along, it might be a sign you’re actually craving more social connection.
