Kindness is often seen as a soft skill, something that’s nice to have but not really essential (though it really should be).
After all, it’s the glue that holds our relationships together and the cornerstone of a healthy society. It’s about empathy, understanding, and a genuine desire to make the world a better place. So, how can you tell if kindness is a foreign concept to you? Here are some telling signs that might suggest you need to re-evaluate the way you treat people.
1. You refuse to acknowledge anyone else’s feelings.
When someone shares their emotions with you, whether it’s excitement, sadness, or frustration, you brush it off with a dismissive comment or a change of subject. You might say things like, “Don’t be so sensitive,” or “You’re overreacting.” This invalidates their feelings and makes them feel unheard and unimportant.
2. You always have to be right.
Every conversation feels like a battle you need to win. You refuse to consider other perspectives or acknowledge that you might be wrong. When other people are talking, you interrupt, talk over them, or resort to personal attacks to prove your point. This creates a hostile environment where people feel they can’t express their opinions freely.
3. You enjoy putting people down.
You make sarcastic remarks, belittle people’s achievements, or spread gossip to make yourself feel superior. You might disguise your insults as jokes, but the underlying intention is to hurt and humiliate. This behaviour is not only unkind, but it also creates a toxic atmosphere where people feel unsafe and unvalued.
4. You never offer to help anyone.
You see someone struggling with a heavy load, but you look the other way. You hear a colleague complaining about their workload, but you offer no assistance. You might think that it’s not your problem, or that you’re too busy to help. However, a truly kind person would offer a helping hand without expecting anything in return.
5. You don’t consider the consequences of your actions on other people.
You make decisions without thinking about how they might affect those around you. You might cancel plans at the last minute, gossip about a friend behind their back, or make promises you don’t intend to keep. This disregard for other people’s feelings is a clear indication that kindness is not a priority for you.
6. You make everything about you.
Even when someone else is sharing a story or an experience, you manage to turn the conversation back to yourself. You might interrupt with your own anecdotes, offer unsolicited advice, or try to one-up their story with something more impressive. This behaviour shows a lack of interest in other people’s lives and a focus on self-centredness.
7. You never apologise — ever.
You make mistakes, hurt people’s feelings, and cause inconvenience, but you refuse to say “I’m sorry.” You make excuses, blame other people, or just straight-up pretend that nothing happened. This unwillingness to take responsibility for your actions and make amends shows a lack of remorse and empathy, which are key components of kindness.
8. You’re always complaining.
No matter what’s happening in your life, you always find something to complain about. You might complain about the weather, your job, your friends, or even strangers you encounter on the street. This constant negativity not only drains your own energy, but it also creates a toxic environment for those around you. It’s hard to be kind when you’re constantly focused on the negative aspects of life.
9. You take kindness for granted.
When someone goes out of their way to help you or do something nice for you, you don’t express gratitude or even acknowledge their effort. You might expect everyone to be nice to you, but you don’t reciprocate. This sense of entitlement can be hurtful to those who genuinely care about you and want to make you happy.
10. You’re not happy when other people win.
When someone you know achieves something great, you feel envious or resentful instead of happy for them. You might downplay their accomplishments, criticise their methods, or even try to sabotage their success. This behaviour not only reveals a lack of kindness, but also a deep-seated insecurity and a fear of being outshone.
11. You spread negativity.
Whether it’s through gossip, social media posts, or casual conversations, you tend to focus on the negative aspects of situations and people. You might share rumours, complain about people behind their backs, or spread fear and anxiety with your words. This negativity can be contagious and harmful, creating a toxic environment where kindness struggles to thrive.
12. You refuse to forgive.
When someone hurts you or makes a mistake, you hold on to the grudge for dear life. You might refuse to speak to them, plot revenge, or constantly bring up the past. This unwillingness to forgive not only hurts the other person, but it also keeps you trapped in a cycle of anger and resentment, preventing you from moving on and experiencing the joy of forgiveness.
13. You take advantage of people’s kindness.
You might ask for favours, borrow money, or expect everyone to cater to your needs without offering anything in return. You might take advantage of people’s generosity, knowing that they won’t say no or confront you about your behaviour. This exploitation of kindness is not only selfish, but it also makes it hard to trust you and damages relationships.
14. You don’t respect boundaries.
You might push people to do things they’re not comfortable with, ignore their requests for space or privacy, or overstep their personal boundaries in other ways. You might not even realise that you’re doing it because you lack empathy and don’t consider the impact of your actions on the people around you. This disregard for boundaries can be hurtful and disrespectful, making people feel violated and unsafe.
15. You don’t practice self-kindness.
You’re harsh on yourself, constantly criticising your flaws and mistakes. You might engage in negative self-talk, compare yourself to other people, or punish yourself for not being perfect. This lack of self-compassion not only damages your own well-being, but it also makes it difficult for you to extend kindness to others. It’s hard to give what you don’t have.
16. You refuse to compromise.
Every disagreement feels like a battle you must win. You cling to your own perspective and refuse to consider any middle ground. This stubbornness can strain relationships and create unnecessary conflict. Kindness involves being flexible and willing to find solutions that benefit everyone involved.
17. You judge people quickly and harshly.
You’re quick to criticise people based on their appearance, beliefs, or lifestyle choices. You might make assumptions about their character without getting to know them. This judgmental attitude creates a barrier to connection and understanding. Kindness involves accepting people for who they are, flaws and all.
