Ever feel like you’re a magnet for people who drain on your energy and time?
Maybe they’re constantly taking but never giving, always in a crisis, or just plain boring. While it might feel like bad luck, there might be a pattern to your people-picking prowess. Here are some possible reasons why you might be attracting those “waste of space” types, and how you can break free from this less-than-ideal cycle.
1. You have a saviour complex.
Source: Unsplash Do you feel the need to rescue or fix everyone you meet? Maybe you believe that everyone deserves a chance, or you simply can’t resist the urge to help those in need. While these are admirable qualities, they can also attract people who take advantage of your kindness and generosity. Remember, you can’t save everyone, and it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.
2. You lack boundaries.
If you have trouble saying “no” or asserting your needs, you might find yourself attracting people who are more than happy to overstep your boundaries. They might take advantage of your time, energy, and resources without giving anything in return. Learn to set clear boundaries and communicate your needs effectively. It’s okay to say “no” when someone is being disrespectful or draining.
3. You’re afraid of being alone.
If you have a deep-seated fear of being alone, you might settle for less-than-ideal relationships just to avoid being by yourself. This can lead to attracting people who are emotionally unavailable, unreliable, or simply not good for you. Embrace your own company and learn to be comfortable in your own skin. You’ll be less likely to settle for toxic relationships when you know you can thrive on your own.
4. You have low self-esteem.
When you don’t value yourself, you might attract people who mirror that lack of self-worth. They might criticise you, belittle your accomplishments, or make you feel like you’re not good enough. Build your self-esteem by focusing on your strengths, celebrating your achievements, and surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
5. You’re attracted to drama.
Do you find yourself drawn to people who are constantly creating drama and chaos in their lives? Maybe you get a thrill from the excitement or feel like you’re playing a role in rescuing them from their problems. However, this pattern can be exhausting and emotionally draining. Learn to appreciate stability, peace, and healthy relationships. You’ll be happier and more fulfilled in the long run.
6. You’re too trusting.
While trust is an important component of any relationship, being too trusting can make you vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation. Some people will take advantage of your trusting nature, promising things they can’t deliver or using you for their own gain. Be cautious when getting to know new people, pay attention to their actions, and don’t be afraid to ask questions or set boundaries.
7. You’re a people-pleaser.
If you prioritise making everyone else happy over your own needs and desires, you might attract people who are more than happy to take advantage of your generosity. They might expect you to always be there for them, cater to their whims, and put their needs before your own. Learn to assert yourself, set boundaries, and take care of yourself. It’s okay to say “no” sometimes and put your own needs first.
8. You’re not clear about what you want.
If you’re not sure what you want in a relationship or friendship, you might send mixed signals or settle for less than you deserve. This can attract people who are also unclear about their intentions, or who are simply looking for someone to fill a void. Take some time to reflect on your values, needs, and desires. What kind of people do you want to surround yourself with? Once you have a clear vision, you’ll be more likely to attract people who align with your goals and values.
9. You give too many chances.
We all make mistakes, but some people consistently engage in hurtful or disrespectful behaviour. If you find yourself constantly forgiving and giving second (or third, or fourth) chances to people who don’t deserve them, it might be time to re-evaluate your approach. While forgiveness is important, it’s also important to protect yourself from repeated harm. Don’t be afraid to walk away from relationships that are consistently toxic or draining.
10. You have unresolved trauma or emotional baggage.
Unresolved trauma or emotional baggage can attract people who are also struggling with similar issues. This can lead to codependent relationships, where you become enmeshed in each other’s problems and struggles. While it’s important to support each other, it’s also crucial to address your own emotional wounds and try to heal. This will not only improve your own well-being, but it will also make you less likely to attract partners who are emotionally unavailable or unhealthy.
11. You’re not setting high enough standards.
If you settle for mediocrity in your relationships, you’re more likely to attract people who are also content with settling. This can lead to unsatisfying connections that lack depth, passion, or growth. Raise your standards and don’t be afraid to walk away from relationships that don’t meet your needs. You deserve to be with someone who challenges you, inspires you, and makes you a better person.
12. You’re attracting what you put out.
The energy you put out into the world often attracts similar energy back to you. If you’re constantly focusing on negativity, drama, or lack, you’re more likely to attract people who embody those qualities. Shift your focus to positivity, gratitude, and abundance. Surround yourself with positive influences, engage in activities that bring you joy, and cultivate a mindset of growth and possibility. You’ll be amazed at how your relationships transform when you raise your vibration.
13. You’re not listening to your intuition.
Your intuition is a powerful tool that can guide you towards healthy and fulfilling relationships. If you have a gut feeling that someone is bad news, don’t ignore it. Trust your instincts and be willing to walk away from situations or relationships that feel off or uncomfortable. Your intuition is often more accurate than you realise, and it can protect you from unnecessary heartache.
14. You’re overlooking red flags.
Everyone has flaws, but some red flags should never be ignored. If someone is consistently disrespectful, dishonest, or manipulative, those are clear signs that they’re not a good match for you. Don’t make excuses for bad behaviour or try to rationalise it away. Pay attention to the red flags early on, and don’t be afraid to walk away before you get too invested.
15. You’re not taking care of yourself.
When you neglect your own needs, you become more vulnerable to attracting people who will also neglect them. Make self-care a priority, nurture your physical and emotional well-being, and prioritise activities that bring you joy and fulfilment. When you’re happy and healthy, you’ll radiate positive energy, which will naturally attract people who are also positive and supportive.
