Dealing with flaky people can be frustrating, to so the least.
However, instead of just dealing with their unreliability, you need to confront them head-on. If you find you just can’t rely on them anymore and you’re finding it hard to even want them in your life anymore, here are some things you can say to bring their flakiness to their attention.
1. “I’m starting to feel like I can’t count on you.”
Opening with this statement sets the stage for an honest discussion about reliability. By framing it as your perception, you’re inviting them to explain or correct the situation. It’s a gentle way to kick off a potentially difficult conversation, giving them room to reflect on their behaviour without feeling attacked.
2. “What’s going on? This isn’t like you.”
When their flakiness is a new behaviour, this question gives them a chance to explain if something’s changed in their life. Showing you’ve noticed a shift and are concerned, rather than just angry, can uncover underlying issues you might not be aware of, such as personal problems or work stress.
3. “I need to know if you’re in or out.”
Putting the ball in their court with this direct question forces them to make a decision and stick to it. It’s a clear request for commitment that can help eliminate wishy-washy behaviour often accompanying flakiness. You’ll get a clear idea of where you stand, allowing you to plan accordingly.
4. “I’m not sure if I can keep making plans with you.”
By expressing hesitation about future plans, you’re highlighting the consequences of their actions without being overly dramatic. It lets them know their behaviour is affecting your willingness to include them in future activities. Often, this serves as a wake-up call, making them realise their actions have real impact.
5. “Do you realise how your actions affect other people?”
People sometimes need a reality check about the impact of their behaviour. Asking this question encourages them to think beyond themselves and consider the ripple effect of their unreliability. It’s especially effective for those who might not have considered how their flakiness inconveniences or disappoints people.
6. “I feel like I’m always chasing you down.”
Expressing your frustration about constantly having to follow up or remind them highlights the extra effort you’re putting into maintaining plans or the relationship. Using “I feel” language communicates your personal experience without directly accusing them, potentially making them more receptive to your concern.
7. “Can we talk about why you keep cancelling?”
Opening the door for an honest conversation about the root of the problem shows you’re interested in understanding their perspective and finding a solution. Your approach can lead to a more productive discussion about what’s really going on and how you can work together to improve the situation.
8. “I’m starting to take this personally.”
Letting them know their actions are affecting your relationship communicates that their behaviour is having an emotional impact on you. They might not have realised how their actions are being interpreted and potentially damaging your connection. This statement can increase their awareness and prompt change.
9. “Is there something I should know?”
Giving them an opportunity to share any underlying issues causing their behaviour shows you’re open to hearing about problems or concerns they might have been hesitant to bring up. Your question can uncover misunderstandings or unspoken issues contributing to their flakiness.
10. “I need you to be straight with me.”
A direct request for honesty cuts through any potential excuses or half-truths and asks for genuine communication. It’s particularly effective if you feel they’ve been avoiding difficult conversations or not being fully transparent about their reasons for being unreliable.
11. “Can you give me a heads-up next time?”
Acknowledging that things happen while asking for better communication shows you’re willing to be flexible but need more consideration. Focusing on improving future interactions rather than dwelling on past mistakes gives them a clear, actionable way to be more considerate going forward.
12. “I’m not sure I can trust your word anymore.”
Emphasising the long-term impact of their behaviour on your relationship can be a powerful wake-up call. It makes them realise that their actions are eroding the foundation of your friendship or professional relationship, potentially spurring them to make changes.
13. “Do you actually want to do this?”
Getting to the heart of whether their unreliability stems from a lack of genuine interest can be revealing. Your question gives them permission to be honest about their desires and can lead to more authentic interactions in the future, potentially reducing instances of flakiness.
14. “I feel like I’m the only one making an effort here.”
Highlighting the imbalance in your interactions without directly accusing them of not caring can make them more aware of the effort you’re putting in. Your statement might motivate them to reciprocate more in the future and take a more active role in the relationship.
15. “Can we find a better way to make plans?”
Suggesting a collaborative approach to finding a solution shows you’re willing to be flexible. Your question can lead to a productive discussion about scheduling, communication preferences, or other factors that might be contributing to their flakiness.
16. “I’m starting to feel like a backup plan.”
Expressing how undervalued you feel without being overly confrontational can be eye-opening for them. It’s hard to argue with your emotional response, and hearing this might make them more aware of how their actions are being perceived, potentially motivating them to prioritise your plans more.
17. “Is there a better time that works for you?”
Offering flexibility and a chance to suggest a more suitable time shows you’re willing to work around their schedule. Your approach can be particularly effective if their flakiness is due to genuine time constraints or conflicting commitments.
18. “I need to know I can depend on you.”
Clearly stating your needs in the relationship sets a clear expectation for the future. Your statement gives them an opportunity to step up and be more dependable, emphasising the importance of reliability in your interactions.
19. “Let’s be real — is this going to happen or not?”
Source: Unsplash Cutting through any excuses and asking for a straight answer shows you’re tired of ambiguity. Your direct approach can be effective when you’ve reached your limit with their flaky behaviour and need a definitive response to move forward.
20. “I’m not sure how to plan around you anymore.”
Source: Unsplash Pointing out how their unreliability affects your ability to make plans highlights the practical consequences of their behaviour. Your statement can make them more aware of how their actions impact you, beyond just the immediate disappointment of a cancelled plan.
21. “I value our relationship, but this needs to change.”
Source: Unsplash Balancing your care for them with the need for improved behaviour shows you’re not giving up on the relationship, but that something needs to shift. Your approach can effectively motivate change while preserving the positive aspects of your connection.
