If you’re constantly bending over backwards for your partner while getting nothing but crumbs in return, I hate to break it to you, but you’re in a one-sided relationship.
You deserve so much better than pouring your heart into someone who couldn’t care less about your wants and needs. If you’re nodding along to these 19 signs, it’s time to face the music and love yourself enough to demand more. Here’s how you know your partner doesn’t give a damn, and it’s time to shut things down for good.
1. You’re always the one reaching out.
Source: Unsplash If your partner had a “Do Not Disturb” sign, it would never come down for you. You’re always the one reaching out, trying to connect, making an effort. If you stopped initiating, the relationship would shrivel up faster than an unwatered houseplant. It’s like playing emotional tennis against a brick wall — exhausting and futile. A healthy relationship requires mutual pursuit. If they’re not chasing you, they’re not that into you. Period.
2. They take ages to respond.
Source: Unsplash You: “Hey, how’s your day going?” Them: “…” <48 hours later> “fine.” Sound familiar? If you’re constantly checking your phone, wondering if your messages are being delivered by carrier pigeon, your partner clearly has you on the bottom of their priority list. We’re all busy, but it takes 30 seconds to dash off a quick reply. If they can’t be bothered to keep you in the loop, they’re not invested. Find someone who makes you feel like you matter.
3. They cancel plans last minute.
There you are, primped and polished, ready for your big date night. Then the text rolls in: “Something came up, can’t make it tonight.” If this flaky behaviour is a regular occurrence, your partner is basically saying, “I’ll pencil you in, but no promises!” They expect you to be available at the drop of a hat, but can’t extend the same courtesy. That’s not love, that’s lip service. You deserve reliability.
4. They’re glued to their phone when you’re together.
Nothing says, “I’m just not that into you” like your partner’s glazed-over eyes permanently fixed on their phone screen when you’re trying to connect. If you feel like you’re constantly competing with their social media feeds and text alerts for a scrap of attention, your relationship is on life support. You shouldn’t have to perform a song and dance just to get some eye contact. Demand presence.
5. They never ask about your life.
If you know your partner’s entire life story, career aspirations, and childhood pet’s name, but they still introduce you as “my friend” because they can’t remember what you do for a living, the interest scales are severely imbalanced. A caring partner will be curious about your world. They’ll ask questions, remember details, and genuinely engage with your experience. If their eyes sorta go blank over every time you start sharing, they’re checked out.
6. They’re allergic to compromise.
In a healthy relationship, both people’s needs matter. But if you’re with someone who treats compromise like a four-letter word, you’ll always be the one bending until you break. They ignore your opinions, disregard your preferences, and act like their way is the only way. That’s not love, that’s dictatorship. Don’t settle for scraps of consideration. You have a right to take up equal space.
7. They never prioritise you.
Have a special occasion coming up? Don’t hold your breath expecting them to clear their schedule. If your partner perpetually puts their own needs, wants, and whims above yours, you’ll always come in second place. They expect you to drop everything for them, but suddenly have a million excuses when you need support. That’s not a partnership, it’s a power imbalance. You’re a priority, not an option. Act accordingly.
8. They’re happy to take, but never give.
A relationship should be a two-way flow of give and take. If you’re chronically in the role of giver while they lazily lounge in taker mode, something is seriously out of whack. Maybe you’re always the one cooking, cleaning, planning dates, and buying thoughtful gifts while they… well, they show up. Sometimes. If you feel used, it’s because you are. Demand reciprocity or reconsider.
9. They ignore your attempts to connect emotionally.
You: “I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately and could use some support.” Them: “That sucks. So anyway, what do you want to watch on telly tonight?” If your partner treats your attempts at emotional intimacy like a pesky fly to be swatted away, they’re allergic to depth. A loving relationship requires being able to lean on each other for non-tangible needs too. If they can’t hold space for your feelings, they’re not in it for real.
10. They’re a master of mixed signals.
One day, they’re all over you, spouting sweet nothings and planning your future together. The next, they’re distant, moody, and about as cuddly as a cactus. If you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, never knowing which version of your partner will show up, you’re on an emotional rollercoaster no one would queue up for. Hot and cold is for taps, not people. You deserve consistency.
11. They belittle your goals and dreams.
Want to go back to uni? Start a business? Finally get your novel published? If your partner greets your aspirations with a yawn or an eye roll, they don’t want to see you shine. A loving partner will be your head cheerleader, pom-poms and all. They’ll encourage your growth, celebrate your wins, and pick you back up after setbacks. If they’re more interested in keeping you in their shadow, their support is purely conditional. Dream bigger.
12. They’re a conversational narcissist.
Do you know your partner’s life story in excruciating detail, but they often forget major facts about you? Do they constantly steer the conversation back to their own anecdotes and accomplishments? Is talking to them like verbal dodgeball, where you’re doing all the heavy lifting while they lob self-involved word bombs? If you feel like an unpaid therapist, your partner is using you for ego fuel. Find someone who cares about your inner world too.
13. They lock you out of their inner world.
Flip side of the above: if your partner guards their internal landscape like a state secret, rarely revealing their deeper thoughts and feelings, you’re on the outside looking in. Connection is a two-way street — if there’s an air of “access denied” to their heart and mind, your bond will remain superficial at best. A healthy partner will welcome you into their world, not treat you like a nosey neighbour.
14. They never admit fault or apologise.
Everyone messes up sometimes. A sincere “I’m sorry” and effort to do better is Relationships 101. But if your partner would rather gouge their eyes out than admit they’re ever wrong, they’re allergic to accountability. They’ll twist themselves into knots deflecting, denying, and blaming you for their mistakes. That’s not maturity, that’s manipulation. A real partner will own their rubbish and work to clean it up.
15. They’re never there when you need them.
Have a tough day at work? Going through a family crisis? Stuck with a flat in the middle of nowhere? If your partner’s first response is “that’s rough, good luck with that!” you don’t have a teammate. Being there for each other through life’s storms, physically and emotionally, is the whole point of a relationship. Fair weather only need apply.
16. They invalidate your feelings.
If your partner responds to your emotions with some variation of “it’s not that bad, stop being dramatic, you’re overreacting”, your feelings aren’t safe with them. You deserve to have your inner experience acknowledged and accepted, even if they don’t agree or fully understand it. Dismissal and gaslighting are tools of control, not love.
17. They can’t handle being called out.
Say it with me: criticism is not a capital offence! But if your partner treats every piece of negative feedback like a personal attack, flies off the handle at the mildest callouts, or shuts down and stonewalls you to avoid accountability, you’re dealing with someone who’s unwilling to change. A real partner will be open to tough conversations if it means growing together. Defensiveness is a dead-end.
18. Your gut is sounding the alarm.
At the end of the day, you don’t need an itemised list to know something’s off. Your gut has its own brilliant, ancient wisdom — and it’s screaming at you to pay attention. If you feel perpetually anxious, drained, resentful, or just plain unhappy in your relationship — if you’re constantly questioning your worth, twisting into a pretzel to please them, numbing out just to cope — your body is sending up flares for a reason. Trust that wise inner voice. It knows what’s up.
