New relationships should be filled with excitement and butterflies, but don’t let that blind you to any potential red flags.
While it’s easy to get swept away by the initial infatuation, paying attention to your partner’s behaviour and how it makes you feel can help you identify any warning signs. If you notice any of these things happening, your new partner might be dangerous, and it might be a good idea to get out while you can.
1. They want to be in charge of your life.
Source: Unsplash Controlling behaviour can manifest in various ways, from dictating who you can see and what you can wear to monitoring your phone and social media activity. While a little possessiveness might seem flattering at first, it can quickly escalate into a suffocating and controlling environment. A healthy relationship is built on trust and mutual respect, not control and manipulation.
2. They have a history of violence.
If your partner has a history of violence, whether it’s towards previous partners, family members, or even strangers, it’s a major red flag. Violent tendencies rarely disappear on their own, and past behaviour is often a predictor of future actions. Don’t ignore this warning sign, as it could put your safety at risk.
3. They exhibit extreme jealousy.
A little jealousy can be normal in a relationship, but excessive jealousy can be a sign of insecurity and possessiveness. If your partner constantly accuses you of flirting or cheating, isolates you from your friends and family, or becomes enraged at the slightest perceived threat, it’s a serious cause for concern. Jealousy can quickly escalate into controlling and abusive behaviour.
4. They have a short temper and explosive anger.
If your partner has a tendency to lose their temper easily, yell, or become physically aggressive when angry, it’s a major red flag. Explosive anger can be unpredictable and dangerous, and it can escalate into physical violence or emotional abuse. A healthy relationship involves respectful communication and conflict resolution, not explosive outbursts and aggression.
5. They isolate you from your support system.
A controlling partner might try to isolate you from your friends and family, making you dependent on them for emotional support and social interaction. They might criticise your loved ones, discourage you from seeing them, or even try to sabotage your relationships. This isolation can make it difficult for you to get help or leave the relationship if it becomes abusive.
6. They make you feel guilty or ashamed.
A manipulative partner might use guilt or shame to control your behaviour and make you feel bad about yourself. They might blame you for their problems, nitpick your appearance or choices, or make you feel like you’re never good enough. This emotional manipulation can erode your self-esteem and make it harder to leave the relationship.
7. They pressure you for sex or intimacy.
Source: Unsplash A healthy relationship involves mutual consent and respect for boundaries. If your partner pressures you for sex or intimacy before you’re ready or comfortable, it’s a major red flag. Coercion, guilt-tripping, or threats are never acceptable in a relationship. You should always feel empowered to say no without fear of repercussions.
8. They make you feel afraid or unsafe.
Perhaps the most important red flag is a gut feeling that something isn’t right. If your partner’s behaviour makes you feel afraid, unsafe, or constantly on edge, trust your instincts. This could be a sign of emotional or physical abuse, and it’s again, it’s really important to get help and support. You deserve to feel safe and respected in your relationship.
9. They lie or withhold information.
Honesty and transparency are crucial for a healthy relationship. If your partner frequently lies, omits important details, or is evasive about their past, it’s a major red flag. Dishonesty can erode trust and create a sense of unease in the relationship. It’s important to feel like you can rely on your partner’s words and actions.
10. They blame other people for their problems.
People who consistently blame people for their bad luck or shortcomings might lack accountability and the ability to take responsibility for their actions. This can lead to conflict and resentment in a relationship, as they might constantly deflect blame onto you or other people instead of addressing their own issues.
11. They have a substance abuse problem.
Substance abuse can significantly impact a person’s behaviour and judgment, leading to instability, unpredictability, and even violence. If your partner struggles with alcohol or drug addiction, it’s important to address the issue openly and get professional help. However, if they refuse to acknowledge the problem or find treatment, it’s a major red flag that could put your safety and well-being at risk.
12. They disrespect your boundaries.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect for boundaries. If your partner consistently pushes your limits, ignores your requests, or dismisses your concerns, it’s a sign of disrespect and a lack of consideration for your feelings. Boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy sense of self and ensuring that your needs are met in the relationship.
13. They try to control your finances.
Financial control is a common tactic used by abusive partners to exert power and maintain control over their victims. This can involve limiting your access to money, dictating how you spend it, or even forcing you to hand over your pay cheque. Financial independence is crucial for your autonomy and safety, and you should never feel pressured to give up control over your finances.
14. They have a pattern of unstable relationships.
If your partner has a history of short-lived, tumultuous relationships, it could be a sign of deeper emotional issues or an inability to maintain healthy connections. While everyone has a past, a pattern of unstable relationships might indicate a lack of commitment or difficulty with intimacy, which could pose challenges in your own relationship.
15. They make derogatory comments about your gender or sexual orientation.
Disrespectful or derogatory comments about your gender, sexual orientation, or any other aspect of your identity are never acceptable. This type of behaviour reveals a lack of respect and understanding, and it can create a hostile and unsafe environment in the relationship. You deserve to be with someone who values and respects you for who you are.
16. They belittle your achievements or dreams.
A supportive partner should celebrate your successes and encourage your aspirations. If your partner constantly belittles your achievements, dismisses your dreams, or makes you feel like you’re not good enough, it’s a sign of a toxic and unsupportive relationship. You deserve to be with someone who uplifts and empowers you, not tears you down.
17. They are overly critical of your appearance or choices.
Constructive criticism can be helpful in a relationship, but constant criticism of your appearance, clothing choices, or lifestyle can be damaging to your self-esteem. A loving partner should make you feel good about yourself, not insecure or ashamed. If your partner’s criticisms feel more like personal attacks than helpful suggestions, it’s a red flag.
18. They have a history of stalking or harassment.
Source: Unsplash Stalking and harassment are serious offences that can escalate into dangerous situations. If your partner has a history of stalking or harassing previous partners or acquaintances, it’s a major red flag that should not be ignored. These behaviours are rooted in a desire for control and power, and they can pose a significant threat to your safety.
19. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
Everyone makes mistakes, but a healthy relationship involves taking responsibility for those mistakes and making amends. If your partner consistently refuses to apologise, blames other people for their actions, or justifies their behaviour, it’s a sign of immaturity and a lack of accountability. A responsible partner should be willing to acknowledge their mistakes and work towards resolving any issues.
20. They threaten self-harm or suicide if you try to leave.
This is a dangerous form of manipulation and emotional blackmail. If your partner threatens to harm themselves or commit suicide if you try to end the relationship, it’s crucial to get help immediately. Contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 0808 2000 247, or get support from a trusted friend or family member. Remember, you’re not responsible for their actions, and your safety is paramount.
