Communication is key in any relationship, but sometimes words can have unintended consequences.
While it won’t be done intentionally, there are certain things we say to our friends and partners that trigger some not so nice feelings. This is true in every relationship, of course, but women in particular have ways of saying things that often cut the men in their lives to the core.
1. “My ex used to do that all the time.”
Source: Unsplash Bringing up your ex, especially in a positive light, can create a sense of competition. It might make him feel like he’s being compared and not measuring up. Instead, focus on appreciating his unique qualities and celebrating what you have together, without bringing the past into the present.
2. “Are you sure you can handle that?”
Doubting his abilities or expressing concern about his competence can be a blow to his confidence. Trust in his capabilities and offer support instead of undermining his efforts. If you have genuine concerns, express them constructively and collaboratively, rather than casting doubt on his abilities.
3. “You never listen to me.”
This sweeping generalization can make him feel defensive and misunderstood. Instead of accusing him of never listening, focus on specific instances where you felt unheard. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs, such as “I feel hurt when I don’t feel heard during our conversations.” This approach encourages open communication and avoids blame.
4. “Do I look fat in this?”
While seeking reassurance about your appearance is natural, constantly asking him for validation can create insecurity. It might make him feel like his opinion is the only one that matters, or worse, that he’s not allowed to have an honest opinion for fear of upsetting you. Instead, focus on how you feel in your clothes and express your own confidence.
5. “You’re just like your father/brother.”
Comparing him to other men, especially family members, can be a sensitive topic. It might make him feel trapped in a certain role or stereotype. Instead, focus on his individual qualities and avoid generalizations that could trigger negative associations.
6. “Why can’t you be more like [insert name]?”
Comparing him to other men, whether it’s friends, colleagues, or even celebrities, is a surefire way to make him feel inadequate. It sends the message that he’s not good enough as he is. Instead, appreciate his unique strengths and celebrate his individuality.
7. “You need to man up.”
This phrase can be incredibly emasculating and damaging to his self-esteem. It implies that he’s not being masculine enough and can trigger deep-seated insecurities. Instead of using this outdated phrase, encourage him to express his emotions openly and honestly.
8. “You’re so sensitive!”
Dismissing his feelings or telling him he’s being too sensitive can make him feel invalidated and misunderstood. Everyone experiences emotions differently, and it’s important to respect his sensitivity. Listen to his concerns with empathy and try to understand his perspective, even if you don’t fully agree with it.
9. “I wish you were more ambitious/successful/driven.”
Expressing disappointment in his career or ambitions can be disheartening. Instead of focusing on what he lacks, acknowledge his efforts and support his goals. Encourage him to pursue his passions and celebrate his achievements, no matter how small they may seem.
10. “You’re not romantic enough.”
Everyone expresses love differently. Criticizing him for not being romantic enough can make him feel inadequate and misunderstood. Instead of focusing on what he’s not doing, appreciate the ways he does show love and affection. Communicate your desires openly and suggest activities you both enjoy.
11. “You’re always hanging out with your friends.”
It’s important for both partners to maintain their own friendships and interests. Accusing him of spending too much time with his friends can make him feel suffocated and controlled. Instead, encourage healthy social connections and find a balance that works for both of you.
12. “Why do you always have to be right?”
No one likes to be told they’re always wrong. This statement can make him feel defensive and unwilling to compromise. Instead of focusing on who’s right or wrong, try to find common ground and work towards a solution that satisfies both of you.
13. “You’re spending too much money.”
Money can be a sensitive topic in relationships. Criticizing his spending habits can make him feel judged and controlled. Instead, have open and honest conversations about finances, set budgets together, and work as a team to achieve your financial goals.
14. “You’re not handy/good with fixing things.”
Not everyone is a DIY expert, and that’s okay. Belittling his skills or comparing him to other people who are more handy can be hurtful. Instead, appreciate his efforts and offer help if needed. If certain tasks are important to you, consider hiring a professional or learning to do them together.
15. “You’re not as attractive as you used to be.”
As we age, our bodies change, and that’s natural. However, commenting on his physical appearance in a negative way can be incredibly hurtful. Focus on appreciating his inner qualities and expressing your love and attraction for him, regardless of any physical changes.
