We all need alone time, but there’s a difference between enjoying some solitude and completely isolating yourself from the world.
If you or someone you know is spending way too much time alone, it can start to take a toll on their mental and emotional well-being. Here are 15 behaviours that often mean someone is spending too much time in their own company.
1. They’ve forgotten how to make small talk.
When you spend most of your time alone, you lose practice in the art of casual conversation. People who isolate themselves often find that their social skills have got rusty, and they struggle to make small talk or chat about everyday topics. They might feel awkward or tongue-tied in social situations, or resort to oversharing or monologuing because they’re not used to the give-and-take of dialogue. This can make it even harder for them to connect with other people and break out of their isolation.
2. They’re always cancelling plans.
People who spend too much time alone often fall into a pattern of cancelling plans and flaking out on social commitments. They might make tentative arrangements to meet up with friends or attend events, but when the time comes, they find themselves making excuses or backing out at the last minute. This isn’t necessarily because they don’t want to see people, but because the idea of socialising has become overwhelming or anxiety-provoking after so much time alone.
3. They’re hypersensitive to social cues.
When you’re not regularly interacting with your fellow human beings, you can start to lose your social calibration. People who spend too much time alone often become hypersensitive to social cues and feedback, overanalyzing every gesture, tone, or facial expression for signs of rejection or disapproval. They might assume that a friend’s silence means they’re angry, or that a co-worker’s joke was a personal attack. This hypersensitivity can make social interactions feel like a minefield, further discouraging them from reaching out.
4. They’re always in their own head.
People who spend a lot of time alone often get lost in their own thoughts and imaginings. They might have rich inner lives and creative ideas, but struggle to translate those into the real world. They’re always daydreaming, fantasizing, or ruminating on past experiences, to the point where they lose touch with the present moment. This constant mental chatter can make it hard for them to focus on conversations or engage with the world around them.
5. They’ve lost interest in their appearance.
When you’re not regularly interacting with people, it’s easy to let your self-care and grooming habits slide. People who spend too much time alone often stop putting effort into their appearance, because there’s no one around to impress or judge. They might wear the same clothes for days, neglect basic hygiene, or let their living space fall into disarray. This lack of self-care can be a sign that they’ve lost motivation and purpose, and are disconnecting from the world.
6. They’re always online.
For many people who spend too much time alone, the internet becomes their primary source of social interaction. They might spend hours scrolling through social media, commenting on forums, or playing online games, as a way of feeling connected to people without the risk of face-to-face rejection. But this kind of digital socialising can be a double-edged sword — it provides a sense of community, but can also reinforce isolation and make it harder to build real-life relationships.
7. They’re hyperfocused on their own interests.
When you spend a lot of time alone, it’s easy to get lost in your own niche interests and hobbies. People who isolate themselves often become hyperfocused on a particular topic or activity, to the exclusion of everything else. They might spend hours researching obscure subjects, collecting items, or honing a specific skill. While having passionate interests can be a source of joy and meaning, when taken to an extreme, it can also be a way of avoiding human connection and the wider world.
8. They’re always making excuses.
People who spend too much time alone often have a long list of excuses for why they can’t or won’t socialise. They might claim to be too busy with work, too tired from their responsibilities, or too broke to go out. But these excuses are often a cover for deeper fears and insecurities — a way of avoiding the vulnerability and effort required to build and maintain relationships. If someone is always making excuses not to spend time with other people, it’s a red flag that they’re isolating themselves.
9. They’re highly sensitive to sensory input.
When you’re used to the quiet and solitude of your own company, the noise and stimulation of social settings can be overwhelming. People who spend too much time alone often develop a heightened sensitivity to sensory input, finding loud noises, bright lights, or crowded spaces intolerable. They might feel physically uncomfortable or overstimulated in social situations, leading them to avoid group activities or public places. This sensitivity can reinforce their isolation and make it harder to reintegrate into the world.
10. They’re always in survival mode.
When you’re isolated and disconnected from everyone around you, it’s easy to slip into a scarcity mindset, where you’re always focused on meeting your own basic needs. People who spend too much time alone often operate in a kind of survival mode, hoarding resources, guarding their personal space, and viewing other people as potential threats. They might have a hard time sharing, collaborating, or trusting people because they’ve become so used to relying on themselves. This survival mentality can make it hard to build healthy, reciprocal relationships.
11. They have a skewed sense of time.
When you’re not regularly interacting with people or following a set schedule, your sense of time can start to warp. People who spend too much time alone often have a distorted perception of how much time has passed, or how long tasks should take. They might lose track of days or weeks, or find themselves staying up all night and sleeping through the day. This lack of structure and routine can exacerbate feelings of disconnection and aimlessness.
12. They’re highly self-critical.
Without the balancing influence of outside perspectives, people who spend too much time alone often become their own worst critics. They might hold themselves to impossibly high standards, berate themselves for every mistake or flaw, or engage in negative self-talk. This constant self-criticism can erode their self-esteem and make them feel even more unworthy of human connection. It’s a vicious cycle, where isolation feeds self-doubt, which in turn reinforces isolation.
13. They’ve lost touch with current events.
When you’re not regularly engaging with the world around you, it’s easy to lose touch with what’s happening in your community, your country, and the world at large. People who spend too much time alone often have a limited awareness of current events, pop culture, or social trends. They might feel out of the loop or disconnected from the zeitgeist, which can make it harder for them to relate to people or find common ground in conversations.
14. They have a hard time asking for help.
People who spend too much time alone often develop a fierce sense of independence and self-reliance. While these can be admirable qualities, taken to an extreme, they can also make it hard to reach out for help or support when needed. People who isolate themselves might feel like they have to handle everything on their own, even when they’re struggling or overwhelmed. They might be ashamed to admit vulnerability or need, or worry that asking for help will burden the person.
15. They’ve lost sight of their purpose.
Finally, people who spend too much time alone often lose touch with their sense of purpose and meaning in life. Without the feedback and validation from the people around them, they might start to question their own value and contribution to the world. They might feel like they’re just going through the motions, without any clear direction or goal. This lack of purpose can lead to feelings of apathy, despair, or existential angst, further reinforcing their isolation and disconnection from the world around them.
