A lot of people are walking around miserable, but putting on a brave face.
They’re not fooling anyone, though, especially those who know them well. If you’re wondering whether someone in your life is secretly unhappy, there are telltale habits and behaviours that give it away. Pay attention, and you might be able to help them face the truth and make some changes.
1. They’re always busy but never productive.
Unhappy people often try to distract themselves with a flurry of activity, but it’s usually just busywork. They’ll have a packed schedule, but at the end of the day, they won’t have accomplished anything meaningful. It’s like they’re on a treadmill of futile tasks, going nowhere fast. If someone is constantly “too busy” but can never point to concrete achievements, they’re probably trying to outrun their discontent.
2. They’re glued to social media.
People who are dissatisfied with their real lives often seek validation in their digital ones. They’re the ones constantly posting curated images and hunting for likes, trying to prop up a false narrative of happiness. In reality, excessive social media use has been linked to increased rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. If someone is always nose-deep in their feed, they’re likely feeding their own unhappiness.
3. They never have anything positive to say.
Misery loves company, and secretly unhappy people often try to bring everyone else down to their level. They’ll find the negative in every situation, criticise and complain incessantly, and generally radiate pessimism. It’s hard to have an uplifting conversation with someone who’s determined to be dour. If your mate never has a good word to say about anything, it’s a sure sign they’re struggling with their own issues.
4. They’re always chasing the next big thing.
Source: Unsplash Unhappy people are often convinced that the key to contentment lies just around the corner — in a new job, a new relationship, a new purchase. They’re forever seeking that one magic bullet that will solve all their problems, but it never materialises. The truth is, happiness is an inside job. No external achievement or acquisition can fill the void of an unfulfilled life. If someone is always grasping for the next brass ring, they’re probably trying to compensate for a deep-seated lack of satisfaction.
5. They’re stuck in the past.
Source: Unsplash People who are secretly unhappy often dwell on past hurts, failures, and regrets. They’ll rehash old grievances, beat themselves up over mistakes, and generally wallow in the muck of yesterday. This backward-looking orientation keeps them stuck and prevents them from moving forward. If someone is constantly harping on about how much better things used to be, they’re probably struggling to find joy in the present.
6. They’re overly critical of pretty much everyone.
Source: Unsplash Unhappy people often project their own insecurities and shortcomings onto other people. They’ll nitpick, find fault, and generally tear people down in an attempt to feel better about themselves. This behaviour is a defence mechanism, a way to avoid confronting their own inadequacies. If someone is always pointing out the flaws in everyone else, chances are they’re deeply dissatisfied with themselves.
7. They’re chronically indecisive.
Source: Unsplash People who are secretly unhappy often struggle with decision paralysis. They’ll agonise over even the most trivial choices, terrified of making the wrong move. This indecisiveness stems from a deep-seated fear of failure and a lack of confidence in their own judgement. If someone is constantly second-guessing themselves and seeking validation from other people, they’re probably grappling with a lot of self-doubt.
8. They’re always exhausted.
Source: Unsplash Unhappiness is exhausting. It saps energy, drains motivation, and leaves people feeling perpetually knackered. If someone is always complaining of fatigue despite getting plenty of rest, it’s a sign that they’re carrying a heavy emotional burden. Chronic exhaustion is often a symptom of unaddressed mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
9. They’re self-medicating a lot.
People who are secretly unhappy often turn to alcohol, drugs, or other substances to numb their pain. They’ll use these crutches to escape reality, even if only temporarily. While a pint or two with mates is no cause for concern, regularly drinking to excess or relying on substances to cope is a red flag. If someone’s substance use seems more compulsive than recreational, they’re likely struggling with deeper issues.
10. They’re neglecting their health.
Unhappy people often let their physical health fall by the wayside. They’ll skip workouts, eat poorly, and generally treat their bodies like rubbish bins. This self-neglect is a reflection of their low self-worth and lack of motivation. If someone has let themselves go and doesn’t seem to care about their wellbeing, it’s a sign that they’re not in a good headspace.
11. They’re always bored.
Source: Unsplash People who are secretly unhappy often complain of boredom, even when surrounded by potential sources of stimulation and fulfilment. They’ll lament that there’s nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to see. This chronic ennui is a symptom of a deeper dissatisfaction with life. If someone is perpetually bored despite having ample opportunities for engagement, they’re probably grappling with a sense of purposelessness.
12. They’re flaky and unreliable.
Unhappy people often struggle to follow through on commitments. They’ll make plans and break them, promise to help and then disappear, and generally prove themselves unreliable. This flakiness is a manifestation of their inner turmoil and lack of motivation. If someone is consistently letting you down and failing to show up, it’s a sign that they’re not in a stable or contented place.
13. They’re always looking for external validation and reassurance.
People who are secretly unhappy often look to other people to prop up their fragile self-esteem. They’ll fish for compliments, seek constant reassurance, and generally rely on external validation to feel good about themselves. This need for outside approval is a sign of deep-seated insecurity and a lack of self-love. If someone is always seeking validation and can’t seem to generate their own sense of self-worth, they’re likely struggling with a lot of internal unhappiness.
