You might think you’re emotionally intelligent, but your actions tell a different story.
Emotional intelligence isn’t just about being nice or having good intentions — it’s about the way you actually treat people and handle challenging situations. If you’re guilty of these 10 irresponsible behaviours, you’re showing a serious lack of emotional intelligence. It’s time to take a hard look in the mirror and start making some changes.
1. Invalidating other people’s feelings
When someone comes to you with a problem, do you brush it off or minimise their emotions? Saying things like “it’s not a big deal” or “you’re overreacting” shows a complete lack of empathy. Everyone’s feelings are valid, even if you don’t understand them. Take the time to listen and acknowledge their emotions instead of dismissing them. It’s not about agreeing with them, it’s about showing respect and compassion.
2. Refusing to apologise
If you can’t admit when you’re wrong or apologise for your mistakes, you’re showing a serious lack of emotional intelligence. Apologising isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of maturity and accountability. It shows that you value the other person’s feelings and are willing to take responsibility for your actions. Stubbornly refusing to apologise only makes you look immature and selfish. Learn to say “I’m sorry” when you screw up.
3. Holding grudges
Holding on to anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It’s a waste of your emotional energy and it doesn’t solve anything. Forgiveness isn’t about letting the other person off the hook, it’s about freeing yourself from the burden of bitterness. Learn to let go of grudges and move on. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary for your own emotional well-being.
4. Giving unsolicited advice
Just because someone is venting to you doesn’t mean they want your advice. Sometimes people just need to feel heard and validated. Jumping in with your opinions and suggestions can come across as condescending and dismissive. Instead of trying to fix their problems, focus on being a good listener. Ask questions, show empathy, and let them know you’re there for them. Only give advice if they specifically ask for it.
5. Interrupting people
Source: Unsplash Interrupting someone when they’re speaking is rude and disrespectful. It shows that you value your own thoughts and opinions more than theirs. It also makes the other person feel unheard and unimportant. Practice active listening instead. Give the other person your full attention, wait for them to finish speaking, and then respond thoughtfully. Show them that you respect their voice and their perspective.
6. Talking behind people’s backs
Source: Unsplash Gossiping and spreading rumours is a quick way to show your lack of emotional intelligence. It’s immature, hurtful, and unproductive. If you have a problem with someone, talk to them directly instead of bad-mouthing them to others. Gossiping only creates drama and erodes trust. Be someone who speaks with integrity and kindness, not someone who tears others down to feel better about themselves.
7. Blaming other people for your mistakes
Source: Unsplash Taking responsibility for your own actions is a key component of emotional intelligence. If you’re constantly pointing fingers and blaming others for your mistakes, you’re not owning your stuff. It’s easy to play the victim, but it’s not productive or healthy. Own up to your screw-ups, apologise when necessary, and focus on learning from your mistakes instead of deflecting blame.
8. Ignoring other people’s boundaries
Source: Unsplash Ignoring someone’s clearly stated boundaries is a huge red flag for low emotional intelligence. Whether it’s physical, emotional, or personal boundaries, it’s important to respect them. Pushing someone to do something they’re not comfortable with, invading their personal space, or disregarding their wishes shows a lack of respect and empathy. Learn to listen to and honour other people’s boundaries, even if you don’t agree with them.
9. Refusing to compromise
Source: Unsplash Relationships require give and take, but if you’re always insisting on getting your own way, you’re showing a lack of emotional intelligence. Compromise isn’t about losing or giving in, it’s about finding a solution that works for everyone. It requires empathy, flexibility, and a willingness to consider other perspectives. If you’re constantly digging in your heels and refusing to budge, you’re not being a good partner or team player.
10. Dismissing constructive criticism
Source: Unsplash If you react defensively or aggressively to feedback, you’re showing a lack of emotional intelligence. Constructive criticism isn’t a personal attack, it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. Instead of getting defensive or dismissive, try to listen with an open mind and consider the other person’s perspective. Thank them for their feedback, even if it’s hard to hear. Use it as a chance to reflect on your own behaviour and identify areas for improvement. Remember, growth requires humility and a willingness to learn.
