If the man in your life is suddenly acting like a walking, talking midlife crisis cliché, you’re not alone. From ill-advised fashion choices to cringeworthy attempts at recapturing their youth, there are certain behaviours that are tell-tale signs that a guy is deep in the throes of a midlife meltdown.
1. They suddenly start dressing like a 20-year-old hipster.
Skinny jeans, ironic t-shirts, and a beanie hat? Check, check, and check. Never mind that they look ridiculous and are trying way too hard. They’re convinced this new “edgy” style makes them look young and cool, not like a dad desperately clinging to his lost youth.
2. They quit their stable job to “find themselves.”
Source: Unsplash They decide they hate the career they’ve built for decades. They want to pursue their “passion,” which changes every week. They leave their job with no plan, jeopardising their family’s financial security. Chasing dreams is great, but not at the cost of being a responsible adult.
3. They become obsessed with extreme fitness challenges.
Source: Unsplash Suddenly, a regular workout isn’t enough. They need to prove their manliness through punishing physical feats. They sign up for ultra-marathons, buy a Peloton bike, and bore everyone to death with constant chatter about their resting heart rate. Pushing physical limits is admirable, but not when it consumes your entire identity.
4. They have an affair with someone wildly inappropriate.
Usually, it’s a much younger woman who makes them feel “alive again.” They throw away a decades-long marriage for a fling with the barista or their kid’s friend. It’s a selfish, short-sighted pursuit of novelty and ego boost, not real love.
5. They buy a flashy, impractical sports car.
Apparently, the cure to a midlife crisis is an overpriced red convertible. Never mind that it guzzles gas, has no room for their kids, and is a nightmare to parallel park. They’re certain this manhood extension on wheels will bring them eternal youth and happiness.
6. They become weirdly vain.
Source: Unsplash These men who never cared about grooming suddenly spend an hour in the bathroom getting ready. They slather on anti-ageing creams, get Botox injections, and shell out a small fortune for “youthful” hair plugs that fool no one. Caring about your appearance is fine, but not this overnight obsession with the fountain of youth.
7. They mansplain to everyone, even experts in the field.
They unleash pedantic lectures on anyone within earshot, even on topics they know zilch about. Nobody can get a word in edgewise. This condescending behaviour is a desperate attempt to mask insecurity by pretending to be the ultimate authority. Real confidence doesn’t require constant reminders of one’s brilliance.
8. They take up a “cool” new hobby, like DJing or surfing.
Apparently, the key to recapturing their youth is all in the right hobby. Suddenly, their weekends revolve around their new “passion.” They spend a fortune on high-end equipment and bore everyone with their endless chatter about their new “lifestyle.” Hobbies are great, but not as a temporary Plaster for existential dread.
9. They start hanging out with much younger friends.
They ditch their same-age pals for 20-somethings who don’t remember a world before smartphones. They use trendy slang and make endless pop culture references from the last decade. It’s sad to watch them try so hard to fit in and cling to fading relevance.
10. They constantly complain that their spouse is holding them back.
They paint their partner as a buzzkill who doesn’t “get” their newfound zest for life. In reality, their spouse is just a convenient scapegoat for their own internal discontentment. A supportive partner doesn’t deserve to be cast as the villain in their delusional midlife crisis narrative.
11. They become adrenaline junkies.
Skydiving? Check. Bungee jumping? Check. Running with the bulls? Check. Apparently, the only way to feel alive is to nearly die every weekend. This reckless thrill-seeking is a sad attempt to outrun their own mortality.
12. They blow a bunch of money on “toys.”
Suddenly, they need a motorcycle, a boat, and a holiday house. They’re haemorrhaging cash on big-ticket items in a desperate attempt to buy fulfilment. The shine wears off quickly, leaving them with buyer’s remorse and a mountain of debt.
13. They get a tattoo of some hackneyed “inspirational” phrase.
No midlife crisis is complete without a clichéd tattoo, apparently. “Live Laugh Love,” “No Regrets,” “YOLO” – pick your platitude. As if a trite phrase etched on their skin will fill the void and impart meaning. Spoiler alert: it won’t.
14. They flirt with every woman in sight.
They turn on the “charm” full blast, acting like God’s gift to women. They openly hit on waitresses, cashiers, even their friends’ spouses. This skeevy behaviour is a desperate attempt to validate their waning masculinity. Confident men don’t need to chase every skirt to feel desired.
15. They talk endlessly about their “legacy.”
They become obsessed with how they’ll be remembered. They ponder penning their memoir or building some “lasting” monument to their greatness. This existential hand wringing reeks of narcissism and unmet ego needs. Truly great legacies come from living with integrity and touching lives, not fixating on what strangers will think after you’re gone.
