Making friends isn’t always a walk in the park for everyone. If you find it a bit of a struggle, you’re definitely not alone. It can be a whole mix of things, from personality to past experiences. Here are some common reasons making friends might not come easy — and trust me, there’s nothing wrong with you if you relate to a few of these.
1. You have social anxiety.
Social anxiety can make even the simplest interactions feel like a major challenge. The thought of meeting new people, starting conversations, or attending social events can trigger intense fear and anxiety. This can make it difficult to put yourself out there and make friends, even if you really want to. If you think social anxiety might be holding you back, talking to a therapist or counsellor could be a great first step.
2. You’re an introvert who needs more alone time.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert! It means you recharge by spending time alone, rather than in social situations. This can make it harder to connect with others, as you might need more time to yourself than extroverts do. However, introverts can still have fulfilling friendships, they just need to find people who understand and respect their need for alone time.
3. You have high standards for friendships.
You might be the type of person who values deep, meaningful connections over a wide circle of acquaintances. You’re not interested in superficial friendships or small talk. You’re looking for people who truly understand you, share your interests, and support you through thick and thin. While having high standards is a good thing, it can also make it harder to find people who meet them.
4. You struggle with trust issues.
Past hurts or betrayals can make it difficult to trust new people and open up to them. You might be guarded, hesitant to share your feelings, or constantly on the lookout for red flags. This can create a barrier to intimacy and make it hard to form close bonds with people. If you’re struggling with trust issues, therapy can help you work through those past hurts and learn to trust again.
5. You don’t put yourself in situations where you can meet new people.
Making friends often requires putting yourself out there and stepping outside of your comfort zone. If you’re always staying home, working, or sticking to your routine, you’re not creating opportunities to meet new people. Try joining clubs or groups that align with your interests, volunteering for a cause you care about, or taking a class. By putting yourself in social situations, you’re increasing your chances of meeting people who share your passions and values.
6. You struggle with self-doubt and insecurity.
Self-doubt can make it difficult to put yourself out there and make friends. You might worry that you’re not interesting or likeable enough, that you don’t have anything to offer people, or that you’ll be rejected if you try to make a connection. These negative thoughts can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, as they prevent you from taking the necessary steps to build friendships. Remember, everyone has something special to offer, and you deserve to have meaningful relationships in your life.
7. You have difficulty maintaining friendships.
Maybe you’re good at meeting new people, but you struggle to maintain friendships over time. You might have a hard time staying in touch, making plans, or simply keeping the spark alive. This can be due to various factors, such as busy schedules, differing interests, or simply not knowing how to nurture and sustain relationships. It’s important to put in effort to maintain friendships, even when life gets busy. Reach out to your friends regularly, make plans to get together, and be there for them when they need you.
8. You’re too independent or self-sufficient.
Independence is a great quality, but sometimes it can be a barrier to forming close friendships. If you’re used to doing everything on your own, you might not feel like you need or want friends. You might also be hesitant to ask for help or rely on anyone for support. But remember, everyone needs connection and support sometimes. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open up to people can be the key to building deep and meaningful friendships.
9. You struggle to make the first move.
Initiating conversations, making plans, or even just saying “hello” can be a real struggle if you’re shy or introverted. You might overthink every interaction, worry about rejection, or simply not know how to break the ice. This hesitation can make it difficult to meet new people and build relationships, even if you’re surrounded by potential friends. Remember, most people appreciate someone who takes the initiative, and even a simple “hello” can go a long way in starting a conversation.
10. You have a fear of vulnerability.
Opening up to people and sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can be scary, but it’s also essential for building deeper connections. If you’re afraid to be vulnerable, you might hold back in conversations, avoid sharing personal details, or keep people at arm’s length. This can make it difficult for people to get to know the real you and form a genuine bond with you. It’s important to remember that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness, and it’s the key to building trust and intimacy in relationships.
11. You’re not interested in the same things as other people.
Maybe you’re passionate about obscure hobbies, intellectual pursuits, or niche interests that don’t always resonate with the people around you. While it’s important to be true to yourself and your passions, it can also make it harder to find common ground with people. If you feel like you don’t share any interests with your peers, try exploring new activities or joining groups where you’re more likely to meet like-minded people. Don’t be afraid to branch out and expand your horizons.
12. You have a negative mindset or pessimistic outlook.
Negativity can be a real downer, and it can make it hard to attract and maintain friendships. People are naturally drawn to positive and optimistic individuals, while negativity tends to repel. If you’re constantly complaining, focusing on the negative aspects of life, or expressing pessimistic views, you might be unintentionally pushing people away. Try to cultivate a more positive outlook, focus on the good things in your life, and surround yourself with positive and supportive people.
13. You have unrealistic expectations of friendship.
We all have our own ideas of what friendship should look like, but sometimes those expectations can be unrealistic or idealised. You might expect your friends to be available 24/7, to agree with everything you say, or to never let you down. But real friendships involve compromise, understanding, and forgiveness. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. If your expectations are too high, you might find yourself constantly disappointed and disillusioned with your friendships. Try to be more flexible and accepting of your friends’ flaws and imperfections.
14. You’re too critical of yourself and other people.
Self-criticism and harsh judgment can create a negative energy that pushes people away. If you’re constantly beating yourself up or criticising people, it can create a toxic environment that makes it difficult to build trust and connection. Try to be more compassionate and understanding towards yourself and other people. Focus on strengths and positive qualities, rather than dwelling on flaws and shortcomings. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, and everyone is worthy of love and acceptance.
15. You lack social skills or confidence.
Social skills, like any other skill, require practice and effort. If you haven’t had a lot of opportunities to develop your social skills or if you lack confidence in your ability to interact with people, it can make forming friendships more challenging. Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and try new things. Attend social events, strike up conversations with strangers, and practice your communication skills. The more you practice, the more confident and comfortable you’ll become in social situations.
16. You’ve experienced past trauma or hurt.
Source: Unsplash Past experiences of trauma or hurt can make it difficult to trust new people and open up to them. You might have built walls around yourself to protect yourself from further pain, but those walls can also prevent you from forming close connections. It’s important to acknowledge and process past trauma in a healthy way, whether it’s through therapy, journaling, or talking to a trusted friend. With time and support, you can heal from past wounds and learn to trust and connect with people again.
