Have you ever noticed that some people just naturally attract relationships? They’re not necessarily smarter or more attractive, but they have this talent of understanding emotions and dealing with the highs and lows of connection. That’s what emotional intelligence is all about. It’s a superpower that pretty much anyone can learn. While it’s helpful to know what emotionally intelligent people do in relationships, it’s even more interesting to know what they don’t do.
1. They don’t shut down during disagreements.
Source: Unsplash Disagreements happen even in the happiest relationships, but emotionally intelligent people don’t clam up or give the silent treatment. They know that communication is key, even when it’s tough. They might take a break to cool down, but they always come back to the table ready to talk it out.
2. They don’t hold on to resentment.
Source: Unsplash Holding on to anger and resentment hurts you way more than the person you’re so worked up about. Emotionally intelligent people understand this. They deal with problems as they arise, express their feelings, and then let it go. They don’t let the past get a hold on them and build up because they know it’s toxic for both themselves and the relationship.
3. They don’t play the blame game.
Source: Unsplash Instead of pointing fingers and assigning blame, they focus on understanding the issue and working through things together. They recognize that relationships are a two-way street, and they’re willing to take responsibility for their own part in any conflict. They understand that blaming only leads to defensiveness and resentment, while working together leads to resolution and growth.
4. They don’t use passive-aggressive tactics.
Source: Unsplash Sarcasm, backhanded compliments, and subtle digs – emotionally intelligent people avoid these passive-aggressive behaviours. They know that these tactics only create confusion and hurt feelings. Instead, they communicate their needs and concerns directly and honestly, even if it’s uncomfortable. They believe in open and transparent communication because it builds trust and strengthens the relationship.
5. They don’t try to change their partner.
Source: Unsplash Emotionally intelligent people understand that everyone is different, and they accept their partner for who they are, flaws and all. They don’t try to mould their partner into someone they’re not, or nag them about their “shortcomings.” Instead, they celebrate their partner’s strengths, offer support for their weaknesses, and encourage them to be their best selves.
6. They don’t make assumptions.
Source: Unsplash Jumping to conclusions and making assumptions is a recipe for misunderstandings and conflict. Emotionally intelligent people ask questions, seek clarification, and endeavour to understand their partner’s perspective before reacting. They give their partner the benefit of the doubt and avoid jumping to negative conclusions. They believe in open communication and honest dialogue, even when it’s difficult.
7. They don’t take things personally.
Source: Unsplash Everyone has bad days, and sometimes those bad moods spill over into our relationships. Emotionally intelligent people recognize that their partner’s behaviour is not always a personal attack. They don’t take every grumpy comment or snappy remark to heart. Instead, they try to understand what’s really going on and offer support rather than reacting defensively.
8. They don’t stonewall.
Source: Unsplash Stonewalling is a communication killer. It’s when someone shuts down, withdraws, and refuses to engage in conversation. Emotionally intelligent people understand that this is counterproductive. They stay present, even when things get tough. They listen to their partner’s concerns, express their own feelings, and work together to find a resolution.
9. They don’t bring up past mistakes to hurt their partner.
Source: Unsplash Everyone makes mistakes, and emotionally intelligent people understand that dwelling on the past is unproductive and hurtful. They don’t bring up old arguments or past transgressions just to score points or inflict pain. Instead, they focus on the present and work towards building a stronger future together. They believe in forgiveness, understanding, and moving forward, rather than dredging up old wounds.
10. They don’t compare their relationship to anyone else’s.
Every relationship is unique, and emotionally intelligent people recognize that comparing their own relationship to anyone else’s is pointless and unfair. They don’t scroll through social media feeling jealous of other couples’ seemingly perfect lives, and they don’t try to measure their own relationship against some unrealistic standard. They appreciate the unique qualities of their own relationship and focus on nurturing and strengthening their own bond.
11. They don’t threaten to break up.
Source: Unsplash Using the threat of a breakup as a weapon is a form of emotional manipulation, and emotionally intelligent people avoid it at all costs. They understand that threatening to end the relationship only creates insecurity and anxiety, and it damages the trust and intimacy that are essential for a healthy partnership. Instead, they address issues directly and honestly, seeking solutions and strengthening the bond between them.
12. They don’t neglect their partner’s needs.
Emotionally intelligent people are attuned to their partner’s needs and feelings. They make an effort to understand what their partner wants and needs from the relationship, and they strive to meet those needs in a loving and supportive way. They don’t take their partner for granted or assume that their needs are being met. They prioritize open communication and make sure their partner feels heard and understood.
13. They don’t put themselves first all the time.
While it’s important to prioritize self-care and have your own individual needs met, emotionally intelligent people understand that healthy relationships require a balance of give and take. They’re willing to compromise, make sacrifices, and put their partner’s needs before their own at times. They understand that true love is not about selfishness, but about selflessness and a genuine desire to see their partner happy and fulfilled.
14. They don’t expect their partner to read their mind.
Source: Unsplash Mind reading isn’t a requirement for a healthy relationship. In fact, it’s an impossibility. Emotionally intelligent people understand that their partner is not a mind reader and that it’s important to communicate their needs and expectations clearly. They don’t get upset or resentful when their partner doesn’t anticipate their every need or desire. Instead, they express themselves openly and honestly.
15. They don’t take their partner for granted.
Source: Unsplash Emotionally intelligent people appreciate their partner’s presence in their life. They express their gratitude, acknowledge their partner’s contributions, and make an effort to show their love and appreciation on a regular basis. They don’t assume that their partner will always be there or that their love is unconditional. They cherish their relationship and work hard to nurture and strengthen it every day.
16. They don’t try to “fix” their partner’s problems.
Source: Unsplash While it’s natural to want to help your partner when they’re struggling, emotionally intelligent people understand that they can’t solve all their partner’s problems. They offer support, listen empathetically, and encourage their partner to find their own solutions. They don’t try to take control or impose their own ideas of what’s best. Instead, they trust their partner’s ability to navigate their own challenges and grow from them.
