Maybe you have regrets about ending your last relationship, but does your ex feel the same?
That constant wondering about whether your previous partner misses you or might want to get back together is like having a song stuck on repeat in your head. It’s exhausting and stops you from focusing on literally anything else. Your brain becomes obsessed with analysing every little interaction or lack of interaction for hidden meanings that probably aren’t even there. However, you broke up for a reason, and you need to move on. Here’s how to do it.
1. Stop checking their social media completely.
Every time you look at their Instagram stories or scroll through their posts, you’re feeding the obsession and looking for clues that will just drive you mental. That photo of them looking sad might mean nothing, and that picture of them having fun doesn’t necessarily mean they’re over you.
Unfollow them, mute them, or even block them if you have to—whatever it takes to stop yourself from constantly checking up on their life. You can’t move on while you’re still monitoring everything they do online like some kind of detective.
2. Accept that you’ll probably never know for sure.
Most exes don’t directly tell you whether they want you back, and trying to decode their behaviour or read between the lines of their messages will just make you go crazy. You could spend forever analysing whether that “hey” text means they miss you, or if they’re just being polite.
The harsh truth is that you might never get a clear answer about their feelings, and that’s actually okay. You don’t need to know what they’re thinking to move on with your own life and make decisions about your future.
3. Remember that wanting someone back doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
Even if your ex does miss you or want to get back together, that doesn’t automatically mean you should do it. There were reasons you broke up in the first place, and those problems don’t disappear just because someone feels nostalgic or lonely. Missing someone is different from actually being compatible with them or having a healthy relationship. Don’t let the possibility that they want you back cloud your judgement about whether getting back together would actually work.
4. Focus on whether YOU actually want them back.
Instead of obsessing over their feelings, spend time thinking honestly about whether you genuinely want this person back in your life or if you just miss having someone. Sometimes we confuse missing the relationship with missing the specific person.
Ask yourself if you miss them specifically or if you just miss having a boyfriend/girlfriend, feeling loved, or having someone to text throughout the day. These are different things, and understanding the difference helps you figure out what you actually need.
5. Stop looking for hidden meanings in normal interactions.
If you have to see them at school, work, or through mutual friends, don’t read romantic intentions into basic politeness or normal human interaction. Them saying hello or asking how you are doesn’t mean they want to get back together. Really, it might just mean they’re being decent. Overanalysing every conversation or interaction will drive you absolutely mental and probably isn’t based in reality. Sometimes a casual chat is just a casual chat, not a secret message about their feelings.
6. Fill your time with stuff that actually matters to you.
When your brain has nothing else to focus on, it defaults to obsessing over your ex and wondering about their feelings. Give your mind something more interesting and productive to think about by getting properly involved in hobbies, goals, or activities you care about.
This isn’t just distraction; it’s rebuilding your identity as a complete person who exists independently of that relationship. The more engaged you are with your own life, the less mental space you’ll have for wondering about theirs.
7. Talk to friends who will give you honest reality checks.
Choose one or two trusted friends who will tell you the truth rather than just what you want to hear, and ask them to help you stay grounded when you start spiralling about your ex’s possible feelings. Sometimes you need outside perspective to snap you out of fantasy land. These friends should be the ones who will say “you’re reading too much into this” or “remember why you broke up” when you start convincing yourself that their random text means they want you back.
8. Set a deadline for getting over this obsession.
Give yourself a specific amount of time to feel confused and wonder about their feelings, but set a firm date after which you’ll stop entertaining these thoughts and fully commit to moving on. Having a deadline helps prevent indefinite wallowing.
After your deadline, make a conscious decision to redirect your thoughts whenever you catch yourself wondering about their feelings. You’ve given yourself time to process, and now it’s time to move forward, regardless of what they might be thinking.
9. Remember that mixed signals usually mean no.
If someone wants you back, they’ll typically make it pretty clear, rather than sending confusing messages that leave you guessing. People who are genuinely interested in reconciling don’t usually play games or leave you wondering about their intentions. Mixed signals often mean the person is confused, wants attention but not commitment, or is keeping you as a backup option while they figure out what they really want. None of these scenarios are worth your mental energy.
10. Think about how this obsession is affecting your life.
Consider how much time and energy you’re spending on wondering about your ex’s feelings and whether that’s preventing you from enjoying other relationships, opportunities, or experiences. This obsession might be costing you more than the relationship ever gave you.
When you realise how much headspace this is taking up, it becomes easier to make a conscious decision to redirect that energy toward things that actually benefit your life rather than keeping you stuck in the past.
11. Practise assuming they don’t want you back.
Instead of constantly hoping and looking for signs that they miss you, try operating under the assumption that they’ve moved on and don’t want to get back together. This isn’t about being negative, it’s about protecting your mental health. This assumption helps you make decisions based on your own life rather than waiting around for them to maybe decide they want you back. It’s much healthier to be pleasantly surprised than constantly disappointed.
12. Stop asking mutual friends for information about them.
Pumping mutual friends for details about your ex’s life, mood, or dating situation just feeds your obsession and puts your friends in an awkward position. They probably don’t want to be messengers or spies in your former relationship drama. If you want to know something about your ex, you should ask them directly rather than trying to gather intelligence through other people. This indirect approach just keeps you stuck in unhealthy patterns.
13. Work on building a life you’re excited about without them.
The best way to stop obsessing over whether your ex wants you back is to create a life that you’re genuinely happy with on your own. When you’re excited about your future, you’re less likely to get stuck wondering about the past. Focus on your goals, relationships with friends and family, personal growth, and new experiences that make you feel good about yourself. The more invested you are in your present and future, the less appealing the past becomes.
14. Realise that closure comes from you, not from them.
You don’t need your ex to tell you how they feel or explain their behaviour for you to move on and feel better about yourself. Closure is something you create internally by accepting the situation and choosing to focus on your own life.
Waiting for them to provide closure or clarity about their feelings gives them power over your emotional state that they probably don’t even realise they have. Take that power back by deciding that their feelings don’t determine your worth or your future happiness.
