Narcissists rarely go for the obvious moves when it comes to destroying someone.
If they want to damage your image or turn people against you, they won’t usually do it with loud, direct attacks. Instead, they use subtle manipulation, half-truths, and strategic gossip to make you look unstable, selfish, or unreliable—often without you even knowing it’s happening. Their tactics are built to protect their own image while slowly corroding yours. If something in your social circle has started to feel off, and you can’t quite figure out why, here are some of the underhanded ways a narcissist might be sabotaging you behind the scenes.
1. They plant “concerns” disguised as care.
They won’t outright insult you. Instead, they’ll express fake worry to other people—“I’m just a bit worried about them lately. They haven’t seemed like themselves.” It sounds thoughtful, but it’s actually laying the groundwork for doubt. By presenting their gossip as concern, they avoid looking cruel while still getting people to question your stability, reliability, or state of mind. It’s reputation sabotage wrapped in sympathy.
2. They bring up your flaws in strategic moments.
If someone compliments you or defends you, a narcissist might quietly drop a “Yeah, but remember when they…” story that undermines you. They wait for the right moment to chip away at your credibility. It doesn’t even need to be a big story—just something that makes people pause before trusting you as much as they did before. Their timing is rarely accidental.
3. They twist your words to sound worse than they were.
You may have said something in frustration or joked about something lightly, and they’ll quote it to other people completely out of context. Suddenly, your words sound cruel, selfish, or offensive. They know how to retell things in a way that leaves out your tone, your intent, and the actual conversation. What’s left is a distorted version of you that paints them as the reasonable one.
4. They claim they’re “just passing along” what other people said.
To cause drama without being blamed, they’ll say something like, “I don’t think this, but someone else said…” and insert a negative comment about you. This way, they get to spread the smear without taking ownership. It seems innocent on the surface, but it’s designed to make people second-guess you and to stir tension—while keeping their hands clean.
5. They portray you as emotionally unstable.
They’ll subtly suggest you’re overreactive or unpredictable. Maybe they’ll say you “always get worked up” or that they have to “walk on eggshells” around you. This framing is especially dangerous because it can cause people to question your feelings before you’ve even expressed them. It discredits you before you get a chance to defend yourself.
6. They mimic your mannerisms, then mock them.
They’ll copy something about the way you speak, dress, or behave, and then joke about it to other people. It’s framed as harmless teasing, but the point is to make you look silly or cringeworthy. By getting other people to laugh along, they create a version of you that’s easy to dismiss. It’s subtle character assassination, passed off as humour.
7. They exaggerate private things you shared in confidence.
If you opened up about something vulnerable, they might repeat it to other people, but they’ll stretch the truth just enough to make it sound worse or more dramatic. They frame it as gossip-worthy or use it to make you seem fragile, irrational, or attention-seeking. It’s a betrayal of trust designed to weaponise your own honesty against you.
8. They align themselves with your friends, while isolating you.
They go out of their way to bond with your social circle, slowly becoming a go-to confidant for other people, while subtly turning them against you. “I just want to help them, but it’s hard when they keep doing X.” By the time you notice the change, you’re already on the outside, and they’ve positioned themselves as the reasonable one in the group. It’s a slow social takeover that leaves you confused and isolated.
9. They fake kindness to cover up their manipulation.
Publicly, they may praise you or compliment you. They’ll support you just enough to look loyal. Of course, behind the scenes, they’re actively tearing you down in ways no one else sees. This duplicity protects their image. If you ever confront them, other people may defend them: “But they’ve always spoken so highly of you!” That’s exactly the point—they sabotage while looking like the good guy.
10. They pretend to be the “peacekeeper” in drama they started.
If tensions rise in your friend group or workplace, they’ll suddenly position themselves as the neutral party—offering advice, helping smooth things over, or comforting people who are upset (usually because of them). They’re the ones who caused the conflict in the first place, but their goal is to be seen as the glue holding everyone together, while your image continues to be tarnished in the background.
11. They accuse you of things they’re doing themselves.
They’ll say you’re the one gossiping. Or you’re the one manipulating. It’s a classic projection tactic. By accusing you first, they get ahead of the narrative and make you look defensive when you try to explain. This tactic works especially well if people already trust them. The more calm and logical they act, the more unhinged you appear for reacting to what’s actually happening.
12. They imply you’re difficult to be around.
Without saying anything obviously mean, they’ll hint that you’re hard work. “They’re great, but intense.” Or “I love them, but you know how they get sometimes.” It frames you as exhausting or unpredictable, which makes people slowly pull away—even if they don’t really know why. As time goes on, it makes you easier to exclude.
13. They create fake concern around your mental health.
Source: Unsplash This is one of the most insidious tactics. They’ll go to people and say, “I’m genuinely worried about them,” while suggesting behaviours that make you seem unstable, even if they’re exaggerated or made up. Suddenly, people are treating you differently. They’re walking on eggshells or questioning your judgement, and it all stems from a narrative the narcissist created in your absence.
14. They use private jokes to make you the butt of the group.
Source: Unsplash Inside jokes are fine—until they become a way to mock you in a way you can’t call out. Narcissists often create these “playful” digs that everyone laughs at, even when they make you uncomfortable. If you speak up, you’re told you’re too sensitive. If you stay quiet, the pattern continues. Either way, it eats away at how you’re perceived and how safe you feel in your own circle.
15. They act shocked when you finally set boundaries.
Source: Unsplash Once you start pulling away or calling out their behaviour, they act confused or hurt. “I have no idea what I did. I’ve always supported them.” It makes you look irrational or dramatic. They’ll present themselves as the victim of your sudden change in behaviour, turning people against you even more, while completely ignoring the role they played in pushing you away in the first place.
16. They rewrite shared history to paint themselves as the hero.
They’ll tell other people stories where they were the one helping you through something hard—even if they barely showed up. They might frame you as chaotic or unstable while casting themselves as your long-suffering saviour. Eventually, they build a version of the relationship that makes them look noble and you look messy. It’s not just reputation damage—it’s narrative control, and they’re skilled at it.
