Emotional intelligence doesn’t guarantee that you’ll always say the perfect thing or read every room flawlessly—that’s not how it works.
It’s about being self-aware, responsive, and able to make space for someone else’s feelings without getting defensive or dismissive. However, when EQ is low, certain phrases have a way of slipping out—ones that might seem pretty innocuous in the moment, but often do more harm than you realise. They shut people down, cast blame, or miss the point entirely. If you hear these a lot (or catch yourself saying them), it might be time for a reset. After all, only people who struggle in the emotional intelligence department would use these phrases.
1. “Why are you so sensitive?”
This one’s a classic. It turns someone’s emotional response into the problem, instead of looking at what triggered it in the first place. Rather than engaging with what the other person is feeling, it shuts them down with blame. Emotionally intelligent people don’t shame someone for having feelings—they ask questions, aim for clarity, and try to understand where the emotion is coming from. Dismissing it outright only makes things worse.
2. “Oh come on, I’m just being honest.”
Honesty is important, but this one is often used to excuse bluntness or insensitivity. It usually follows a comment that wasn’t asked for and wasn’t delivered with care. It was just criticism dressed up as truth. The emotionally intelligent version of honesty includes tact and timing. It knows when to pause, when to soften, and when someone actually wants feedback, not just your opinion.
3. “Well, If it was me, I wouldn’t have reacted like that.”
This one centres the speaker’s emotional default instead of making space for someone else’s. It’s a way of saying, “Your feelings are invalid because they’re not how I would feel.” Emotional intelligence means understanding that people respond differently based on their experiences, triggers, and context. The point isn’t to compare reactions; it’s to connect through empathy.
4. “That’s not what I meant, so you’re overreacting.”
This might be true in intent, but it misses the impact. Just because you didn’t mean to hurt someone doesn’t mean you didn’t. Leading with denial instead of curiosity tends to escalate tension instead of resolving it. Emotionally intelligent people can hold both truths: “I didn’t mean that” and “I can see how it landed that way.” That’s where understanding begins.
5. “Just get over it already.”
This one almost always comes from discomfort. When someone can’t handle sitting with another person’s pain or frustration, they rush the process by invalidating it completely. Of course, healing doesn’t follow a schedule. Emotionally intelligent people don’t push other people to “move on” just because it’s inconvenient—they create space for things to unfold at a human pace.
6. “You’re always so dramatic.”
This one might be tossed out as a joke, but it often lands as a judgement. It’s a subtle way of telling someone that their emotional responses are too much, and that they should tone it down to be acceptable. Emotionally aware people know that labelling someone as dramatic says more about their own discomfort with emotion than it does about the person expressing it.
7. “I don’t have time for this right now.”
Sometimes, that’s fair, but when it’s used as a way to avoid every uncomfortable conversation, it becomes a pattern of emotional avoidance. It sends the message that someone else’s pain is a nuisance. Emotionally intelligent people know how to set boundaries without dismissing someone’s experience. “I care, and I want to give this the time it deserves—can we talk about it later?” goes much further than a cold brush-off.
8. “Why are you making this such a big deal?”
This one is another classic emotional minimiser. It frames someone’s reaction as exaggerated, rather than trying to understand why it feels like a big deal to them. Even if it seems small to you, emotionally intelligent people know that perception is reality. If it matters to the other person, that’s a good enough reason to slow down and listen.
9. “That’s just how I am.”
This sounds like self-awareness, but it’s usually just a refusal to grow. It’s often used to justify behaviour that hurts other people without taking any real responsibility for it. True emotional intelligence means being open to feedback, not hiding behind personality traits as if they’re set in stone. Who you are is valid, but how you behave is always a choice.
10. “You’re making me feel guilty.”
This flips the focus away from what actually happened and makes the other person responsible for your emotional response. It turns someone’s hurt into an attack, even when they’re just expressing how they feel. Emotionally mature people can tolerate discomfort without needing to make someone else the villain. Guilt isn’t always an attack; it’s often a sign that something needs reflection.
11. “It’s not that deep.”
This is the emotional version of a shrug. It tells someone that they’re investing too much meaning into something that, in your view, doesn’t deserve it. The thing is, meaning is subjective. What feels small to you might be tied to something big for someone else. Emotionally intelligent people ask questions before they downplay something that clearly matters to someone.
12. “You always turn everything into a problem.”
This one can make someone feel like a burden just for expressing concern or pointing out an issue. It suggests that keeping the peace matters more than being honest about what’s not working. Emotionally intelligent people don’t see conflict as a threat—they see it as a chance to clarify, realign, or grow. Dismissing everything as drama only delays what probably needs to be addressed.
13. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Source: Unsplash This is the non-apology of all non-apologies. It puts all the responsibility on the other person’s perception and none on your actions. It might sound polite, but it’s usually cold and disconnected. Real apologies don’t just acknowledge feelings—they acknowledge impact. Emotional intelligence means being able to say, “I’m sorry I hurt you,” not just, “Sorry you’re upset.”
14. “That’s just facts.”
Source: Pexels This usually comes after a harsh or unfiltered opinion, as a way to dodge accountability. It positions the speaker as objective and rational while suggesting the other person is too emotional or irrational to handle “truth.” However, emotional intelligence means knowing that how you deliver something matters as much as what you’re saying. Facts don’t excuse cruelty.
15. “Well, I’ve been through worse.”
Trying to one-up someone’s pain isn’t empathy—it’s comparison. It shuts people down by suggesting their struggle doesn’t count unless it meets some invisible threshold of “real” suffering. Emotionally aware people don’t play hardship Olympics. They know that pain is relative, and the best thing to do is hold space, not hand out scorecards.
