No one likes being criticised, no matter how nicely it’s delivered.
We know we’re not perfect and that we make mistakes, but for some reason, having someone else point it out has a way of making you feel a bit rubbish. Some people even get defensive or lash out, turning the tables and finding something to complain about in the person giving the feedback. Sadly, that just makes them look immature and insecure. If you struggle to take criticism in your stride—and hey, who doesn’t sometimes?—here’s how to make it sting a little less.
1. Don’t react right away—let it sink in.
The first instinct when someone criticises you is often to fire back or shut down, but a quick pause can save you a lot of regret. Giving yourself even a few seconds to breathe helps keep you from saying something you don’t mean or overthinking the whole thing right away.
That little mental buffer gives you time to separate the emotional punch from the actual message. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with what’s being said. It just means you’re giving yourself a shot at responding with clarity instead of pure instinct.
2. Listen like you’re trying to understand, not defend.
When someone gives feedback, it’s tempting to start building your defence before they even finish talking. However, if you can move into “what are they really saying?” mode instead, you’ll get way more out of the conversation. Even if the delivery is messy or annoying, there’s often at least one useful nugget hidden in there. Listening to understand, not just to rebut, shows you’re confident enough to hear different perspectives without crumbling.
3. Resist the urge to immediately explain yourself.
It’s so natural to want to jump in with “but here’s why I did it that way!” but sometimes, that just sounds like you’re brushing off what they said. Giving explanations too soon can accidentally come across like you’re not really open to hearing them. There’s usually time later to explain your side if it makes sense. Right at the start, focusing on understanding first builds trust and shows you’re not just waiting for your turn to talk.
4. Assume positive intent, even if it’s not perfectly delivered.
Not everyone is great at giving feedback without sounding sharp or awkward. If you can train yourself to assume they’re trying to help, even if they’re a little clumsy about it, it makes the whole thing way less personal. Sure, some people are just bad at communicating. However, assuming good intent puts you in control of your own reaction. You don’t have to match their energy; you get to set your own tone, and that’s powerful.
5. Get curious instead of defensive.
If something about the criticism doesn’t sit right, try asking a question instead of getting defensive. “Can you help me understand what you mean by that?” is a lot more powerful than shutting down or snapping back. Curiosity keeps you engaged without putting your walls up. It also shifts the conversation from confrontation to collaboration, which is a major upgrade in any situation, personal or professional.
6. Separate your worth from your work.
One of the biggest mistakes is tying your entire sense of self to what you do. If you see criticism of your work as criticism of your whole being, it’s going to hurt way more than it needs to. Learning to see feedback as about the thing you did, not who you are, makes it easier to stay cool. Your value as a human isn’t up for debate just because someone had a suggestion or a different view.
7. Recognise the difference between helpful and hurtful.
Not all criticism is worth absorbing. Some people give feedback to genuinely help you grow; others just want to vent or tear you down. Being able to tell the difference is crucial to protecting your energy. If the feedback is specific, actionable, and offered with care, it’s probably worth considering. If it’s vague, mean, or weirdly personal, you’re allowed to set it down and walk away without carrying it with you.
8. Take what’s useful and leave the rest.
You don’t have to swallow every piece of feedback whole. It’s totally fine (and smart!) to pick out the parts that actually help you and quietly discard the parts that don’t fit or aren’t relevant. Criticism isn’t an all-or-nothing situation. Sometimes even clumsy or annoying feedback contains one tiny truth you can grow from. Taking the helpful bits without getting tangled up in the noise is a real skill.
9. Thank the person (even if you’re gritting your teeth).
It can feel weird to thank someone for pointing out your mistakes, but a quick, sincere “Thanks for letting me know” keeps you in control. It shows you’re open and mature, and it gets rid of any tension present in the conversation. You’re not saying you agree with everything they said. You’re just showing that you can handle feedback without making it awkward or combative. Honestly, that kind of grace sticks with people.
10. Don’t replay it over and over in your head.
It’s easy to get stuck rehashing every word and tone when someone criticises you. However, obsessing over it usually just drags you down and makes it way bigger than it needs to be. Take whatever lesson you can from it, apply it if needed, and then move on. Rumination keeps you stuck in the moment. Growth is about taking what you need and stepping forward, not reliving every second like a bad movie.
11. Use it as a tool, not a weapon.
Criticism is supposed to be something you can learn from, not something you use to beat yourself up. If you catch yourself spiralling into “I’m terrible” territory, that’s not growth; that’s self-sabotage. The point of feedback is to get better, not to wreck your confidence. Keep your focus on using it as a tool to sharpen your skills or your thinking, not as ammo to tear yourself apart.
12. Talk it out with someone you trust if it’s weighing on you.
If the feedback hit harder than you expected, it’s okay to process it with someone you trust. Sometimes just saying it out loud helps you see it more clearly and stop it from growing into something bigger in your head. Pick someone who will be honest but kind—someone who can tell you if you’re overreacting or if you’re actually onto something important. A little outside perspective can save you hours of overthinking.
13. Remember that everyone gets criticised—even the best.
It’s easy to feel singled out when someone points out something you could do better. Of course, the reality is, no one is above criticism. Every single person, no matter how talented or successful, hears tough feedback sometimes. If anything, getting constructive feedback means you’re doing something that matters enough for people to notice. Reframing it that way makes it feel less like an attack and more like a weird form of respect.
14. Learn to spot patterns, not isolated comments.
One random comment isn’t a pattern, but if you hear similar feedback from different people over time, it’s worth paying attention. Patterns point to areas where you could genuinely grow if you’re willing to lean in a little.
Seeing feedback as data rather than a personal attack helps you spot the real opportunities for improvement. You don’t have to accept every comment at face value, but noticing trends can point you toward major upgrades you wouldn’t have seen on your own.
15. Give yourself credit for handling it better than before.
Even if you still get that gut-punch feeling when someone critiques you, handling it with more grace than you used to is a big deal. Growth doesn’t mean you never feel anything. It means you don’t let those feelings run the show. Give yourself credit for every time you stay calm, listen fully, or use feedback to get stronger instead of spiralling. Progress is quieter than we expect sometimes, but it’s still real—and honestly, it’s something to be proud of.
