Sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you show up that unsettles people.
The awkward silences, weird changes in energy, or the way someone starts backing away mid-conversation are all signs that something’s off. You might not mean to put people on edge, but if you’re doing these things, it could be why they’re feeling uncomfortable around you. If more than a few of these sound familiar, you may want to switch up your approach if you want to fare a bit better in your social and professional life.
1. You stand too close when talking to someone.
Personal space is a big deal, even if you’re naturally expressive or affectionate. If you tend to lean in, hover, or talk inches from someone’s face, they might instinctively start pulling back without even realising why. Everyone has different comfort levels, but as a rule, if someone subtly shifts away or turns their body, it’s a cue to give a little more space. Respecting physical boundaries makes people feel safe and relaxed in your presence.
2. You overshare deeply personal details too quickly.
Being open is great, but unloading trauma or intimate stories within minutes of meeting someone can overwhelm them. It changes the emotional tone fast and often leaves the other person unsure how to respond. People need time to build trust and connection before diving deep. If you regularly notice people going quiet or looking awkward after you’ve opened up, it might be time to ease into vulnerability more gradually.
3. You ask invasive or overly personal questions.
Curiosity is one thing, but asking about someone’s salary, relationship drama, fertility plans, or mental health without an invitation can feel intrusive. Even if you’re genuinely interested, it can come across as insensitive. Most people open up when they feel safe, not when they’re put on the spot. If your questions often lead to awkward pauses or deflection, it’s worth rethinking how you approach curiosity in conversation.
4. You constantly check your phone mid-conversation.
Glancing at your phone while someone’s speaking doesn’t just send a message of distraction—it basically tells them they’re not important. It breaks the flow of connection and makes people feel like they’re competing with your notifications. Even if you don’t mean to be rude, it creates a vibe of disinterest. Making the effort to stay present, even just for a few minutes, goes a long way in making everyone around you feel valued and heard.
5. You talk too loudly for the setting.
Being expressive is part of your personality, but if your volume regularly turns heads in quiet cafés, offices, or waiting rooms, people around you might feel overstimulated or embarrassed. Tone and volume can be contagious, but they can also be disruptive. Tuning in to the energy of a space, and adjusting your voice accordingly, shows self-awareness and makes people feel more at ease around you.
6. You overuse sarcasm or teasing in serious moments.
Not everyone knows how to take a joke, especially when they’re opening up about something real. If your default response to someone’s vulnerability is a sarcastic jab or awkward humour, it can make them shut down. Humour has its place, but timing matters. Being able to match someone’s emotional tone instead of brushing it off with a joke helps create emotional safety, and that’s where real connection grows.
7. You interrupt or talk over people.
It might be enthusiasm or just habit, but constantly jumping in before someone finishes speaking can make them feel unheard or dismissed. As time goes on, it makes people hesitate to share around you. Good conversation flows when people feel there’s room to breathe and speak freely. If you slow down, listen fully, and respond with patience, people will feel more relaxed, and more willing to open up.
8. You never ask questions about the other person.
Some people dominate conversations without realising it, talking at length about their own thoughts, stories, or achievements without pausing to invite the other person in. It creates a one-sided dynamic that can feel isolating. Even if you’re not trying to make it about you, people can walk away from the exchange feeling invisible. Simple, thoughtful questions go a long way in showing interest, and balancing the conversation.
9. You ignore subtle body language cues.
When someone folds their arms, steps back, or avoids eye contact, they’re often trying to gently signal discomfort. If you plough ahead anyway, it can make them feel trapped or misunderstood. Reading body language isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being observant. Noticing when someone seems disengaged and adjusting your tone, pace, or topic shows empathy and social awareness.
10. You make everything about you.
If someone shares a story and your first instinct is to top it or immediately launch into your own similar experience, it can feel dismissive. It might seem like connection, but it often turns the focus away from the other person. There’s nothing wrong with relating, but leading with empathy first helps the other person feel seen. Let their story breathe before bringing in your own perspective.
11. You give unsolicited advice constantly.
Offering solutions when someone just wants to vent can come across as tone-deaf or controlling. Even with good intentions, advice can feel like correction, especially if the other person didn’t ask for it. People often just want to be heard. If your support always sounds like instructions, it might be pushing people away instead of helping. Asking first—“Do you want advice or just to talk this out?”—makes all the difference.
12. You overstay your welcome in social settings.
Whether it’s lingering after everyone else has left or staying long after the energy has died down, hanging around too long can make people feel awkward or drained. Sometimes it’s hard to read the room, especially when you’re enjoying yourself — but noticing cues like yawns, glances at the clock, or polite wrapping-up phrases can help you exit at the right time.
13. You touch people without checking if they’re okay with it.
Friendly arm pats, back rubs, or hugs might feel natural to you, but for other people, they can feel intrusive or uncomfortable. Not everyone has the same comfort level with physical contact. Asking or simply waiting for a cue before reaching out shows you respect personal boundaries. That’s not being cold—it’s letting people decide what feels okay for them.
14. You always bring up heavy topics in casual situations.
Deep convos have their place, but dropping intense subjects like politics, trauma, or existential dread during a light social event can catch people off guard. Being thoughtful about timing shows social sensitivity. There’s a difference between being “real” and making people feel like they can’t relax around you. If every interaction feels emotionally loaded, people might start to pull away.
15. You stare at people too intently.
Eye contact is important, but if you hold someone’s gaze for too long without softening it, it can come across as intense or even intimidating, especially if the rest of your body language isn’t warm. You don’t need to dart your eyes around—just let your expression mirror openness and kindness. People feel more comfortable when eye contact is steady but relaxed, not laser-focused.
16. You laugh at the wrong moments.
Nervous laughter, inappropriate giggles, or chuckling when someone’s talking about something serious can throw off the whole mood. Even if you don’t mean harm, it can make the other person feel dismissed or confused. It’s okay to have a quirky response to tension—lots of people do. But noticing how your laughter lands and explaining yourself when needed (“Sorry, that’s my nervous laugh—I’m not making fun!”) helps rebuild comfort and clarity.
