Everyone wants to be liked, but most of us can accept that it’s not always possible.
Some people just don’t gel—that’s life, and that’s fine. However, if you’re someone who will go to any lengths to stay in everyone’s good graces, even if there’s a clear disconnect there, it can make you act in ways that are not just a bit weird and desperate, but that also compromise your self-worth and self-respect. If you’re guilty of any of these behaviours, it may be time to reassess what’s going on and find a way to deal with not getting on with absolutely everyone.
1. You apologise for everything, often for no reason.
Apologies are great when you genuinely need to own a mistake, but if you’re saying “sorry” every other minute, it’s a sign you crave acceptance at any cost. You might catch yourself apologising for things you can’t control, such as the weather, other people’s delays, or just taking up space in a crowded room. That reflex usually points to a fear that irritating someone will make them dislike you, so you try to fix the “problem” before it even starts.
While it might seem harmless, constant apologising can hurt your self-esteem, making you feel like you’re always doing something wrong. It also tells other people that you don’t value your own presence, which can lead to being overlooked or treated like a doormat. Balancing politeness with self-respect helps you reserve apologies for when they actually matter, and stand up for yourself the rest of the time.
2. You’re always in desperate need of validation.
If you’re always asking, “Is this okay?” or “Did I do a good job?” it might mean self-approval is hard to come by. You feed off praise and reassurance, turning to friends, family, or social media to confirm you’re on the right track. If you don’t get that validation, you might spiral into worry, convinced you messed up.
This can leave you vulnerable to people-pleasing, where every decision is based on what other people think. After a while, chasing external validation wears you out and makes you unsure about what you really want. A step toward breaking this pattern is learning to trust your instincts, so you’re not always waiting for a thumbs-up from everyone else.
3. You put everyone else’s needs first all the time.
Being kind and thoughtful is awesome, but if you routinely push aside your own comfort or goals to please everyone, it may be a clue you’re hooked on approval. Maybe you’re cancelling your weekend plans to help a friend move (again) or overloading yourself with favours at work. You say “yes” when your heart is screaming “no.”
Eventually, these endless acts of service can lead to burnout or resentment, especially when other people don’t return the same energy. You might wonder why nobody notices your sacrifices, forgetting that you taught them it’s fine to take while you just keep giving. Setting healthy boundaries makes sure you can still be supportive without running yourself into the ground.
4. You stress over the tiniest mistakes.
Source: Unsplash A single typo in an email can send you into panic mode if you’re determined to look flawless. You replay the mishap in your mind, worried people now think less of you. The fear of negative judgment looms large, even though most little errors go unnoticed or are quickly forgiven.
That anxiety can keep you from trying new things or stepping outside your comfort zone. You might hold back in meetings or avoid sharing creative ideas, convinced that one slip will ruin your image. Accepting imperfection, meanwhile, frees you to experiment and learn because truly supportive people don’t expect you to be perfect all the time.
5. You downplay your accomplishments like they’re no big deal.
When someone compliments you, do you respond with, “Oh, it was no big deal” or “I just got lucky”? The habit can come from not wanting to appear conceited. But it also dims your own achievements in other people’s eyes, and in your own mind.
By brushing off praise, you could be reinforcing the idea that you’re not actually that skilled. The longer it goes on, the more it eats away at your self-belief, making it harder to step up when opportunities knock. Learning to say a simple “thank you” when recognised goes a long way in owning your hard work without acting arrogant.
6. You change your personality around different people.
Changing from goofy and outgoing with one group to quiet and serious with another might be more than normal social flexibility. If you feel like you’re constantly morphing to fit what you think other people want, you could be chasing acceptance over authenticity.
While adapting a bit can help you blend in, going too far means you never really know who you are. You might worry someone won’t like the “real you,” so you keep tailoring your vibe to suit them. The downside is that genuine connections need honesty, and if you’re always putting on an act, you’ll miss out on deeper bonds based on who you truly are.
7. You stay quiet to avoid conflict or confrontation.
Conflict can be scary, especially when you crave everyone’s approval. Rather than risk stirring the pot, you might stay silent even when you disagree or when someone crosses a line. Inside, you fear that speaking up might cost you someone’s liking.
However, never voicing your thoughts can hold you back in big ways, like missing the chance to contribute your ideas or assert your needs. Bottling things up can also breed resentment that explodes later. Ironically, healthy conflict can strengthen relationships if handled respectfully, proving that disagreements don’t have to end in disaster.
8. You panic when someone is mad at you.
Nobody enjoys being on someone’s bad side, but if the mere hint of it sends you into a frenzy, it points to a bigger problem. You replay conversations, dissect your every move, and sometimes bombard the other person with messages to fix things ASAP. The idea of anyone disliking you becomes unbearable.
This panic can lead you to apologise when you’re not at fault or bend over backwards just for a hint of reassurance. That desperation can be off-putting, and occasionally people might take advantage of it. Getting used to the fact that not everyone will like you—or that sometimes people will be mad, fairly or not—is a big step toward emotional freedom.
9. You avoid saying “no” at all costs.
Whether it’s covering extra shifts at work or lending money you really need, you rarely turn anyone down. Your aim is to sidestep any risk of looking uncooperative, even if it drains your own resources. But constantly bowing to everyone’s requests can lead to burnout, resentment, or both.
When you do hit your limit, it might come out in angry outbursts or passive-aggressive hints. Learning to say “no” gently but firmly is crucial, and those who genuinely care will respect your boundaries. It’s better to be upfront early on than to silently suffer and let annoyance fester.
10. You overthink your online presence.
Do you rewrite captions a dozen times before posting, or hover obsessively over the like count? Social media can become a minefield for those desperate for approval. You measure a post’s success by how many heart emojis it garners, and if the reaction’s lukewarm, you might even delete it.
The stress of curating a “perfect” image can be exhausting and ultimately unfulfilling, since online validation is fleeting. Allowing yourself to post without endlessly second-guessing can lighten the emotional load and let you enjoy these platforms for what they are—places to share, not stages for constant applause.
11. You fish for compliments.
Dropping self-critical statements like, “I’m so unprepared,” or “I look terrible today,” can be a covert way of seeking reassurance. While insecurities are real, constantly coaxing people to praise you quickly can wear them out and keep you addicted to external flattery.
In the long run, you train yourself to need that immediate pick-me-up from other people instead of developing your own confidence. People might start feeling like they’re walking on eggshells, forced to shower you with compliments. Building genuine self-esteem helps you welcome compliments without fishing for them or relying on them for your self-worth.
12. You can’t make decisions without other people’s input.
When you fear being disliked, even minor choices like where to eat or what movie to watch can become high-stakes. You might default to, “I’m good with whatever,” just so nobody has a reason to complain about your pick.
Long term, this makes you feel invisible in your own life, as if you have no real preferences or opinions. It also teaches people not to ask for your input, since you never offer it willingly. Overcoming this means trusting your gut a bit more and remembering that the people who matter typically appreciate a bit of honest decisiveness.
13. You offer help even when it’s not needed.
Offering a hand can be a kind gesture, but constantly jumping in to fix things for people (when they didn’t ask) may hint that you’re looking for approval through acts of service. Maybe you over-volunteer at work or rush to mediate friends’ arguments just to stay on their good side.
Eventually, this can create codependent dynamics or lead to burnout, as you pick up responsibilities that aren’t truly yours. While kindness is great, it’s okay to let people handle their own problems, too. Genuine generosity involves respecting boundaries and recognizing that not everyone needs your hand in every situation.
14. You rarely express your true feelings.
When your main focus is keeping the peace, you might bury your own emotions—anger, sadness, even excitement—because you worry they’ll rock the boat. Eventually, that suppression takes a toll, leaving you feeling disconnected from yourself and everyone else.
Oddly enough, being real about what you feel can bring you closer to people. Suppressing emotions often leads to pent-up frustration that eventually explodes, causing more drama than if you’d just spoken up earlier. Learning to communicate openly (yet respectfully) helps you form stronger, more genuine connections.
