Religion can be a source of comfort, community, and personal growth, but it also has a side that can feel rigid, judgemental, or even harmful.
That being said, faith doesn’t have to be toxic. It’s possible to embrace spirituality in a way that lifts you up, rather than weighing you down. The key is knowing how to separate the meaningful, fulfilling parts from the parts that create guilt, fear, or division. Here are some ways to keep your faith a positive force in your life while avoiding the toxic traps that can come with it.
1. Focus on personal growth over strict rule-following.
Faith is meant to be a journey, not a checklist. When religion becomes all about following rules to the letter instead of personal growth, it can start to feel restrictive instead of uplifting. Instead of worrying about whether you’re doing it “right,” focus on what actually makes you a better, more compassionate person. If a practice helps you grow, embrace it. If it only makes you feel guilty or fearful, question whether it’s truly serving you.
2. Surround yourself with people who embody kindness, not judgement.
The company you keep within your faith community can make all the difference. There are people who use religion to encourage and support other people, and then there are those who use it to control or criticise. Being around people who lead with kindness, rather than judgement, helps you stay connected to the good parts of faith. If a group makes you feel small, unworthy, or afraid, it might be time to find a healthier environment.
3. Question teachings that promote fear over love.
Faith should bring peace, not constant anxiety. If a teaching relies more on fear and punishment than love and encouragement, it’s worth questioning. Healthy faith encourages people to do good because they genuinely want to, not because they’re terrified of what happens if they don’t. Fear-based beliefs can be deeply ingrained, but stepping back and asking, “Does this actually align with the message of love and goodness?” can help shift your perspective.
4. Make room for doubt without feeling guilty.
Doubt isn’t the opposite of faith, it’s part of it. Any belief system that demands complete certainty at all times isn’t allowing space for personal growth. It’s okay to have questions, to wrestle with ideas, and to admit that you don’t have everything figured out. In fact, not knowing it all is part of what makes it such a rewarding practice. The healthiest faith allows for exploration rather than shaming you for not having all the answers.
5. Avoid people who use religion as a weapon.
Some people twist faith into a tool for control, shame, or superiority. They use scripture or religious teachings to justify treating other people poorly, making them feel unworthy, or pushing their beliefs onto people who never asked for them. That’s not faith; that’s manipulation. If someone constantly uses religion to tear people down instead of lifting them up, it’s worth distancing yourself from their influence.
6. Focus on actions, not just words.
Faith isn’t just about what you believe; it’s about how you live. Some people talk about love, kindness, and humility but never actually practice those things. If you want to avoid the toxic side of religion, shift your focus to actions. Are you becoming more patient? More understanding? More generous? That’s what really matters.
7. Learn to separate faith from human institutions.
Religious institutions are run by people, and people make mistakes. Corruption, hypocrisy, and power struggles exist in every organisation, including faith-based ones. Don’t let the failures of institutions shake your personal relationship with faith. If something feels off, it’s okay to step away from a certain group or leadership while still holding onto your personal beliefs. Your relationship with your higher power doesn’t have to take place in a particular building to be valid or fulfilling.
8. Don’t let guilt control your faith.
Guilt can be useful in small doses because it helps us recognise when we’ve hurt someone or acted against our values. That being said, if your faith experience is built more on guilt than on growth, something’s off. Healthy faith encourages reflection, not self-punishment. If guilt is making you feel trapped instead of motivated to do better, take a step back and rethink where that pressure is really coming from.
9. Let go of the idea that questioning equals losing faith.
Some people are afraid to question religious ideas because they think it means they’re falling away from their beliefs. But real faith isn’t about blind obedience; it’s about pursuing the truth. Growth happens when you allow yourself to wrestle with big questions instead of just accepting things because you were told to. The strongest faith often comes from those who have allowed themselves to explore, doubt, and refine what they believe.
10. Make faith personal, not performative.
Faith should be about what’s in your heart, not about proving anything to other people. Some people get caught up in appearances — who prays the loudest, who knows the most scripture, who seems the most devoted. That’s not what faith is about. It’s not a competition, and it’s not about looking good to other people. The real work happens internally, in the way you treat people and the values you live by.
11. Stay open to different perspectives.
If your faith is making you more closed-minded instead of more compassionate, something’s wrong. True spirituality helps people connect, not divide. Even if you don’t agree with someone else’s beliefs, you can still respect them. Learning about other perspectives, without fear or judgement, keeps your faith from becoming rigid and defensive. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, just like you.
12. Recognise when faith is being used to justify harm.
History is full of people who have used religion to justify discrimination, violence, and exclusion. Just because something is framed as a religious belief doesn’t mean it’s right. If a teaching makes you feel like you have to be cruel, dismissive, or unkind to other people, it’s worth asking: is this really what faith is supposed to be?
13. Connect with faith in a way that feels authentic to you.
Source: Pexels Faith doesn’t have to look the same for everyone. Some people find meaning in traditional practices, while others feel more connected through personal reflection, nature, or acts of service. Letting go of the idea that there’s only one ‘right’ way to practice faith can make it feel more genuine. If something brings you peace and aligns with your values, it’s valid.
14. Keep love at the centre of everything.
Source: Unsplash At its core, faith should make you a more loving, understanding person. If something within your religious experience is making you more judgemental, anxious, or bitter, it’s worth reevaluating. The best way to stay on the healthy side of faith is to ask, “Is this helping me become a kinder, better person?” If the answer is no, it’s okay to let go of whatever is no longer serving you.
