Dealing with terrible people is exhausting, to put it lightly.
Whether it’s a controlling boss, a guilt-tripping friend, or a family member who always plays the victim, being around them can leave you feeling frustrated, drained, and second-guessing yourself. The way you handle these situations can make a huge difference in how much control they have over you. But sometimes, the way we instinctively respond actually makes things worse. These are some of the most common mistakes people make when dealing with toxic people — and what to do instead.
1. Trying to change them
Source: Unsplash It’s tempting to think that if you explain yourself clearly enough or show them how their behaviour affects other people, they’ll suddenly realise what they’re doing and change. Unfortunately, toxic people don’t operate that way. If someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions, no amount of logic or reasoning will make them see the light. Instead of wasting energy trying to fix them, focus on protecting your own peace.
2. Engaging in endless arguments
Difficult people thrive on conflict. The more you argue, the more control they have because they know they can get a reaction out of you. Even if you have every fact on your side, they will twist things to keep the argument going. Instead of getting caught in a cycle of pointless debates, set a boundary and stick to it. Sometimes, the best response is no response at all.
3. Letting guilt control your decisions
Manipulative people are experts at using guilt to get what they want. They’ll make you feel like a bad person for setting boundaries, prioritising yourself, or saying no. But guilt is their tool, not your truth. If you’re making a decision that’s right for you, you don’t owe anyone an explanation, especially someone who only respects you when it benefits them.
4. Expecting them to take accountability
One of the most frustrating things about toxic people is that they rarely admit when they’re wrong. Even when presented with undeniable facts, they’ll find a way to deflect, shift blame, or play the victim. Waiting for an apology or expecting them to suddenly own up to their behaviour will only leave you feeling disappointed. Accept that some people will never take responsibility, and don’t waste your energy waiting for them to.
5. Explaining yourself over and over
When someone is being unreasonable, it’s natural to want to explain yourself to make them understand. But if you find yourself repeating the same things over and over with no progress, you’re wasting your time. Toxic people often pretend not to understand just to keep you engaged. Instead of over-explaining, state your boundary once and let your actions reinforce it.
6. Taking their behaviour personally
It’s easy to think, “Why are they treating me like this? What did I do wrong?” But in reality, their behaviour has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Difficult people act the way they do because it’s who they are, not because of anything you did. The sooner you stop taking their actions personally, the easier it becomes to detach and protect your peace.
7. Trying to out-manipulate them
When dealing with a manipulative person, it can be tempting to play their game and beat them at it. But the truth is, the moment you start using their tactics, you’re lowering yourself to their level. The best way to handle manipulation is not to participate in it. Keep your integrity intact and focus on protecting your own boundaries rather than trying to play mind games.
8. Letting them drag you into drama
Toxic people love stirring up drama and dragging other people into their chaos. Whether it’s workplace gossip, family conflicts, or constant personal issues, they always have something going on. Getting involved only feeds into their need for attention and control. If someone is always surrounded by drama, the best approach is to step back and refuse to engage.
9. Giving them unlimited chances
Forgiveness is important, but constantly giving someone chance after chance when they keep proving they won’t change is just setting yourself up to be hurt. There’s a difference between giving people grace and letting them take advantage of you. If someone keeps showing you who they are, believe them.
10. Ignoring your own feelings
Dealing with toxic people can leave you feeling frustrated, anxious, or even drained, but many people ignore these emotions in order to keep the peace. Your feelings are valid, and they’re telling you something important. If a relationship or situation is making you feel constantly stressed or uneasy, don’t brush it off — listen to what your emotions are trying to tell you.
11. Trying to get them to see your perspective
Some people are so stuck in their ways that no amount of explaining will make them understand where you’re coming from. If someone is determined to twist the truth or ignore your perspective, continuing to argue with them is a waste of time. Instead of trying to convince them, focus on setting your boundaries and protecting your energy. You don’t need their approval to stand by your truth.
12. Believing their words instead of their actions
Manipulative people know exactly what to say to keep you hooked. They’ll promise to change, act like they understand, or say exactly what you want to hear, only to go right back to their old behaviour. Instead of getting caught up in their words, watch what they do. Actions always speak louder than apologies, excuses, or empty promises.
13. Waiting for them to change
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “Maybe they’ll grow out of it,” or “Maybe they’ll change if I just handle things differently.” But change only happens when someone wants to change, and toxic people rarely do. Holding onto hope that they’ll suddenly become different will only keep you stuck in an unhealthy dynamic. The best thing you can do is accept who they are and decide how much space you want them to have in your life.
14. Thinking you have to deal with them at all
Just because someone is in your life doesn’t mean they have to stay. Whether it’s a friend, coworker, or even a family member, you are not obligated to tolerate toxic behaviour. You always have the right to distance yourself, cut ties, or limit contact. Protecting your peace is more important than keeping someone around just because of history or obligation.
