There’s a huge difference between looking after yourself and being so self-centred that no one else matters.
Some people are just naturally self-focused, but then there are those who take it to a whole other level — where their own needs, opinions, and feelings trump everyone else’s every single time. You don’t always notice it straight away, but after a while, their behaviour makes it clear that they’re only looking out for themselves. Whether it’s in friendships, relationships, or at work, people show you that they don’t really care about anyone but themselves in some pretty obvious ways.
1. They talk about themselves non-stop.
Every conversation somehow circles back to them. No matter what you’re talking about, they find a way to make it about their experiences, their struggles, or their achievements. Even when you’re the one venting, they manage to slip in something about their own life.
What’s worse is that when you try to share something about yourself, they either zone out, give a quick response, or impatiently wait for their turn to talk again. You could be talking about the worst day of your life, and they’ll hit you with, “That reminds me of when I…”
2. They rarely ask how you’re doing.
You can go through a rough time, and they won’t even notice because they never ask. They’re so wrapped up in their own world that checking in on you never crosses their mind. If you don’t bring it up yourself, they’ll assume everything is fine.
If you do bring something up, they might offer a quick “That sucks” before steering the conversation back to whatever’s on their mind. There’s no follow-up, no concern — just a quick pit stop before returning to their favourite subject: themselves.
3. They expect you to be there for them, but never return the favour.
When they need support, advice, or just someone to vent to, they know exactly where to find you. They have no problem talking for hours about their problems and expect you to listen with full attention. Sadly, when the roles are reversed, they’re suddenly too busy, uninterested, or just straight-up unavailable. And if you call them out on it? They’ll act like you’re being needy or making a big deal out of nothing.
4. They have no problem cancelling on you last minute.
If something better comes up, they’ll drop plans with you without a second thought. They don’t consider how it might inconvenience or disappoint you because their time and priorities always come first. When they do cancel, there’s rarely an apology—just an expectation that you’ll understand and be fine with it. But if you were the one cancelling last minute? They’d make sure you knew how inconsiderate you were being.
5. They take credit for things they didn’t even do.
Whether it’s at work, in group projects, or even in friendships, they have a habit of making it seem like they did more than they actually did. They’ll downplay your contributions and highlight their own, as if they single-handedly made everything happen. If you dare to correct them, they’ll either brush it off, act like they don’t remember, or spin it so that they somehow did deserve the credit all along.
6. They don’t respect your time.
They keep you waiting, show up late, or expect you to drop everything for them whenever they feel like it. They never consider that you might have other things going on, and they rarely make an effort to be on time for you. In their world, their schedule matters more than yours, so if you’re always the one adjusting and making things work around them, it’s not an accident.
7. They dismiss your feelings.
If you try to bring up something that upset you, they’ll act like you’re overreacting. Instead of listening and acknowledging your feelings, they’ll roll their eyes, get defensive, or tell you that you’re being too sensitive. They don’t take the time to understand your emotions because, to them, what they feel is always more important. If something hurts them, it’s a big deal. If something hurts you, they’ll act like it’s nothing.
8. They make everything a competition.
Instead of being happy for you, they always have to one-up your achievements. If you get a promotion, they’ll remind you of how well they’re doing. If you’re struggling, they’ll find a way to talk about how they’ve had it even worse. They can’t just let you have a moment; they always have to make it about them. God forbid if you don’t acknowledge their struggles or wins — they’ll act like you’re the one being unsupportive.
9. They expect constant praise, but rarely give any.
They love being complimented, validated, and reassured, but when it comes to acknowledging other people? Not so much. Even when you do something impressive, they’ll either ignore it or give a half-hearted “That’s cool” before changing the subject.
They crave attention but can’t seem to give the same energy back. The only time they notice your accomplishments is when they feel like it somehow overshadows theirs.
10. They guilt-trip you when they don’t get their way.
If you say no to something, they won’t respect your decision—they’ll make you feel bad about it. They might act disappointed, withdraw affection, or say things like, “I just thought you cared more than that.” It’s not about compromise; it’s about them manipulating you into giving them what they want. If you stand your ground, they’ll act like you’re the one being unfair.
11. They’re only nice when they need something.
When they want a favour, their tone magically softens. They’ll suddenly be extra friendly, check in on you, and act more considerate than usual. Of course, the second they get what they want, they go right back to their usual self — until they need something again. If their kindness only shows up when it benefits them, it’s not kindness. It’s convenience.
12. They never apologise properly.
On the rare occasion that they do apologise, it’s usually one of those non-apology apologies. “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of “I’m sorry I hurt you.” “I didn’t mean it like that” instead of “I’ll do better.” They don’t take responsibility for their actions because, in their mind, they’re never really in the wrong.
13. They make you feel drained after spending time with them.
After hanging out with them, you don’t feel uplifted or supported—you feel exhausted. Conversations revolve around them, your needs are brushed aside, and you walk away feeling like you just gave a lot of energy without getting anything in return. Good friendships and relationships should leave you feeling balanced, not emotionally drained.
14. They don’t notice when you start pulling away.
If you stop putting in effort, go quiet, or create distance, they don’t even seem to register it. Why? Because they were never really paying attention in the first place. When someone truly cares, they notice when things feel off. But when someone only cares about themselves, they’re too focused on their own world to see what’s happening around them.
People like this don’t always come with obvious warning signs, but their behaviour speaks for itself. The good news? You don’t have to keep them in your life. The moment you realise someone only prioritises themselves, you can start prioritising yourself too.
