Not all parent-child relationships stay strong into adulthood.
Some parents and their grown kids drift apart, while others end up in constant tension, barely speaking, or cutting ties completely. While every family dynamic is different, there are certain behaviours and attitudes that make it a lot harder to maintain a good relationship over the years. If parents and their adult children struggle to get along, there’s a good chance these habits are playing a role.
1. They still treat their grown kids like children.
Some parents struggle to accept that their kids are adults with their own lives, responsibilities, and decisions. They still give unsolicited advice, question every choice, and expect to be consulted on things that aren’t their business anymore. That kind of over-involvement can feel suffocating, making adult children feel like they’re never truly independent. When grown kids feel like they can’t make their own choices without being judged or micromanaged, resentment builds fast.
2. They never take responsibility for their mistakes.
Healthy relationships require accountability, but some parents refuse to admit when they’ve done something wrong. Instead of acknowledging past mistakes, they deflect, justify, or act like their child is being overly sensitive. Hearing “That never happened” or “You’re remembering it wrong” can be frustrating for adult children who just want an honest conversation. After a while, the refusal to take responsibility makes it impossible to resolve old conflicts and move forward.
3. They use guilt as a way to control.
Guilt-tripping is a common tactic that damages parent-child relationships in adulthood. Some parents make their grown kids feel bad for not calling enough, not visiting often, or not including them in every decision. Statements like “I guess I’m just not important to you anymore” or “After everything I’ve done for you…” put unnecessary pressure on the relationship. Instead of creating closeness, it makes adult children feel like they can never do enough, which pushes them away.
4. They dismiss their grown kids’ feelings.
Parents who don’t get along with their adult children often struggle to acknowledge their feelings. If their kid expresses frustration, instead of listening, they might say, “You’re overreacting” or “You’re being dramatic.” That kind of dismissal makes grown kids feel unheard and invalidated. When someone constantly feels like their emotions don’t matter, they eventually stop sharing them altogether, leading to emotional distance.
5. They expect too much without giving in return.
Some parents expect their adult children to drop everything to help them, provide emotional support, or be available whenever they need something. However, when the child needs the same level of support, they get little to nothing in return. One-sided relationships don’t last, even between parents and children. If a grown child always feels like they’re the one making the effort while their parent takes it for granted, resentment builds quickly.
6. They judge their kids’ lifestyle choices.
Whether it’s their career, relationship, parenting style, or even something as simple as diet or hobbies, some parents can’t help but criticise. They make snide comments, offer unwanted advice, or act like their way is the only right way. Grown kids want to feel accepted for who they are, not constantly criticised for not living the way their parents expected. If every conversation feels like a critique session, they’re less likely to want to spend time together.
7. They hold onto old problems and dramas instead of letting go.
Every family has disagreements, but parents who keep bringing up past arguments, mistakes, or disappointments make it hard to move forward. They say things like, “You’ve always been like this” or “I’ll never forget what you did.” Constantly reminding a grown child of their past failures makes the relationship exhausting. Instead of growing together, it keeps both sides stuck in old wounds that should have healed by now.
8. They compare their child to other people.
Nothing creates resentment faster than constantly being compared to a sibling, cousin, or family friend. Some parents make a habit of pointing out what other people’s kids have achieved, making their own child feel like they’re not good enough. Hearing “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” or “Your friend seems to have it all together” doesn’t inspire — it alienates. Most grown kids just want to be appreciated for who they are, not measured against someone else.
9. They don’t respect boundaries.
Good relationships require respect, and that includes respecting personal space, decisions, and emotional boundaries. Some parents struggle with this, showing up unannounced, overstepping in their child’s relationships, or demanding more time and attention than their kid can give. When boundaries are constantly ignored, grown kids start pulling away. They don’t want to feel like they have to defend every decision or fight for their own space.
10. They treat their kids like their therapist.
Emotional support is important in any relationship, but some parents blur the lines by dumping their problems onto their children in a way that’s overwhelming. They treat their grown child like a therapist rather than a son or daughter. When a parent constantly unloads personal struggles, complaints, or past trauma onto their child, it creates an unhealthy dynamic. Instead of being a source of comfort, the relationship starts to feel draining.
11. They can’t handle criticism.
Parents who never get along with their grown kids often struggle to hear any kind of feedback. If their child tries to have an honest conversation about something that hurt them, they get defensive, change the subject, or turn it around on them. Instead of listening, they say things like, “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” or “You always blame me for everything.” The more this happens, the more this makes meaningful conversations impossible.
12. They play favourites among siblings.
Parental favouritism creates lasting damage, and when it continues into adulthood, it makes relationships even more complicated. If one sibling always gets more attention, praise, or support, the others are bound to feel resentful. Even if the parent doesn’t see it as playing favourites, grown kids pick up on the imbalance. Feeling like you’re always second-best to a sibling makes staying close much harder.
13. They don’t make an effort to connect.
As kids grow up, the relationship shifts, and maintaining a connection requires effort from both sides. But some parents expect their grown child to do all the work — always being the one to call, visit, and check in. When a relationship feels one-sided, it naturally starts to fade. If a parent never reaches out or shows interest in their child’s life, it’s no surprise when their grown kid stops trying as well.
14. They refuse to accept change.
People grow, change, and evolve over time, but some parents refuse to accept that their child isn’t the same person they were at 16. They act like their opinions, choices, or personality should remain frozen in time. When a parent can’t accept that their child has grown into their own person, it creates constant friction. Instead of embracing who they’ve become, they hold onto an outdated version that no longer exists.
15. They expect respect without giving it.
Respect should go both ways, but some parents believe they deserve respect simply because they’re the parent, without considering how they treat their grown child. They demand obedience, gratitude, and attention without offering basic kindness in return. Adult children don’t want to feel obligated to maintain a relationship out of guilt. When respect is mutual, the bond is much stronger — when it’s one-sided, resentment takes over.
