Insecurity doesn’t always show up as obvious self-doubt — in fact, most of the time, it doesn’t.
Sometimes, it’s hidden in the way people talk and the little phrases they drop into conversations without even realising what they’re revealing. While everyone has moments of feeling unsure of themselves, deeply insecure people tend to rely on certain words to deflect, downplay, or look for reassurance. If you listen closely, you’ll probably notice these things being said pretty often.
1. “I know this sounds stupid, but…”
People who are confident in their thoughts don’t feel the need to preface them with self-doubt, but insecure people often try to soften what they’re about to say, just in case it’s not received well. They’d rather put themselves down first before anyone else has the chance to. It’s a way of protecting themselves from judgment. If you already assume what you’re saying is “stupid,” you don’t have to feel bad if someone else disagrees. But in reality, this often makes people doubt them before they even get to the point.
2. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
Confident people don’t need to know everything — they’re okay figuring things out as they go. But deeply insecure people constantly feel the need to justify their mistakes or lack of experience by admitting they’re clueless. It’s a way of lowering expectations before they even try. This often comes from a fear of looking incompetent. Instead of trusting themselves to figure things out, they default to self-sabotage, making it clear they don’t expect to succeed.
3. “I just want to make everyone happy.”
On the surface, this might sound like kindness, but it often comes from deep insecurity. People who say this are usually terrified of disappointing others, to the point where they shape their entire personality around being agreeable. They believe their worth is tied to how well they keep others happy, even at the cost of their own needs. They’re not just being nice. Chances are, they’re scared of being rejected if they ever stand up for themselves.
4. “I don’t mean to be annoying, but…”
Secure people don’t assume they’re annoying just for asking a question or expressing themselves, but insecure people often feel like they’re a bother, even when they’re not. This one is a way of apologising for simply existing. They might say it before making a simple request or sharing an opinion, just to preemptively soften the blow. It’s a habit that comes from constantly second-guessing whether they deserve to take up space.
5. “I was just lucky.”
Instead of owning their achievements, insecure people often downplay their success by blaming it on luck. Whether it’s a promotion, a compliment, or something they worked hard for, they struggle to believe they actually earned it. It’s classic imposter syndrome in action. They don’t want to seem arrogant, but deep down, they also don’t fully believe in their own abilities. So, they give credit to luck instead of themselves.
6. “I bet you think I’m crazy.”
When someone constantly assumes they’re being judged, it’s usually because they judge themselves harshly. This one tends to be used by insecure people who worry that their thoughts, feelings, or behaviours seem weird or irrational to others. Instead of just expressing themselves, they add this disclaimer, as if preparing for someone to mock or reject them. It’s a way of guarding against embarrassment, even when no one else was thinking that in the first place.
7. “It’s fine, I don’t really care.”
People who are deeply insecure often pretend not to care about things they actually care a lot about. Whether it’s a missed invitation, a backhanded comment, or not being chosen for something, they act indifferent to avoid looking hurt. It’s a defence mechanism — if they admit they care, they make themselves vulnerable. So instead, they brush things off, even when it’s obvious they’re affected.
8. “I’m probably overthinking this.”
Overthinking often comes from insecurity, and this phrase is a way of acknowledging that they know they do it, but they still can’t stop. Instead of trusting their own feelings or decisions, they second-guess everything. It’s like they need external validation before they can move forward. They want someone to either reassure them or confirm their doubts because making a decision alone feels overwhelming.
9. “Sorry for being such a mess.”
People who struggle with insecurity often feel like they’re too much—too emotional, too chaotic, or too complicated. This phrase is a way of apologising for their own existence, as if they believe they’re a burden just for being themselves. They may not even realise they say it so often, but it’s a subtle way of putting themselves down. Instead of asking for support, they assume they’re just “too messy” for anyone to deal with.
10. “You probably have better things to do.”
Insecure people often assume they’re not a priority in other people’s lives. Whether they’re asking for time, help, or attention, they expect to be brushed aside, so they say this as a way to give the other person an out. They don’t want to be rejected outright, so they reject themselves first. It’s a self-protection strategy, but in reality, it often just pushes people further away.
11. “I don’t really have an opinion on that.”
Source: Unsplash People who lack confidence in themselves often avoid taking strong stances. They don’t want to say the “wrong” thing, so they claim they don’t have an opinion, even when they actually do. They’d rather stay neutral than risk being challenged, criticised, or dismissed. But in doing so, they make it harder for people to really get to know them.
12. “I know I’m not the best, but I try.”
Source: Unsplash This one might sound humble, but it’s often a sign of low self-worth. Instead of simply owning their effort, they start by putting themselves down. It’s like they need to remind people that they don’t see themselves as good enough. Confidence doesn’t mean pretending to be perfect, but it also doesn’t mean constantly lowering expectations for yourself. Insecure people struggle to separate effort from self-worth.
13. “I hope that made sense.”
Deeply insecure people often worry that they come across as confusing, even when they’re perfectly clear. Instead of trusting that they communicated their thoughts well, they ask for reassurance. It’s a sign of doubting their own intelligence or ability to express themselves. But in reality, this just makes people doubt them more, even if what they said was totally fine.
14. “I’m just bad at everything.”
Source: Unsplash Insecurity can show up as extreme self-criticism, where someone convinces themselves they’re not good at anything. They say it almost as a reflex, as if they believe failure is just part of who they are. People who say this often feel stuck in a cycle of low confidence, where every setback reinforces their belief that they’re incapable. It’s a habit of thinking that can be hard to break.
15. “I don’t deserve this.”
When good things happen, deeply insecure people struggle to accept them. Instead of celebrating success, love, or happiness, they question whether they really earned it. They assume there’s been some mistake. This one is often a sign of self-worth issues. No matter how much they achieve, they struggle to feel like they truly deserve good things.
16. “I just feel like I’m not enough.”
Source: Unsplash At the root of most insecurities is the belief that, in some way, they’re not enough — smart enough, attractive enough, successful enough. This is often said in moments of vulnerability, when the mask slips, and they admit what they really feel. It’s one of the hardest insecurities to overcome, but recognising it is the first step. Deep down, everyone wants to feel like they are enough because they are.
