Few things are more frustrating than telling someone about an experience, only for them to flat-out deny it ever happened.
Whether it’s gaslighting, a bad memory, or pure defensiveness, it can leave you questioning your own reality. However, you don’t have dementia, and you’re not going crazy — they’re trying to get out of taking responsibility for their actions. How you respond here depends on the situation, but you definitely shouldn’t just sit there and accept it when someone tries to rewrite history. Here are some solid options to choose from — they may not like being called out, but oh well.
1. “You might not remember it that way, but I do.”
Sometimes, people genuinely forget things or remember them differently, but that doesn’t mean your version is wrong. Instead of getting caught in a debate over who’s right, this response keeps the conversation open while standing firm on your perspective. It also stops them from completely dismissing your experience. This works well when dealing with forgetful people or those who genuinely believe their version. It gives room for both memories to exist without letting them erase yours.
2. “I was there, and I know what happened.”
If someone is trying to make you doubt yourself, this simple statement brings the conversation back to reality. It’s a calm but confident way of reinforcing that your experience isn’t up for debate. Sometimes, just saying it with certainty is enough to shut down an argument. This works especially well if the other person is trying to gaslight you. It makes it clear that you’re not backing down from what you know to be true.
3. “Okay, let’s break this down.”
If someone insists an event didn’t happen, you can walk them through the details. Ask them where they were, what they remember, and what their version of events is. Sometimes, people deny things out of embarrassment or because they genuinely forgot. By breaking it down step by step, you might either refresh their memory or expose inconsistencies in their version. Either way, it forces them to engage instead of just dismissing what you said.
4. “I’m not going to argue about my own experience.”
When someone flat-out denies something you know happened, it can be tempting to argue. But sometimes, the best approach is to shut it down completely. This makes it clear that your reality isn’t up for discussion. It stops the conversation from turning into a back-and-forth where they try to wear you down. You don’t have to prove what happened — your experience is valid, whether they acknowledge it or not.
5. “Why would I make that up?”
Asking this question puts the pressure back on them. If someone is trying to dismiss your experience, making them explain why you’d lie about it can make them rethink their stance. Most people don’t have a good answer for this. It’s especially effective if the situation is something they wouldn’t logically be able to deny. When faced with the reality that you have no reason to lie, they may rethink their response.
6. “I’m happy to move on, but that doesn’t change what happened.”
If you don’t feel like arguing but also don’t want to let them off the hook, this response strikes a balance. It acknowledges that you’re not going to waste energy debating, but it also makes it clear that you’re not backing down. You don’t need their agreement to stand by your truth. This is a good way to keep your peace without letting them erase what happened. It sets a boundary that says, “I know what’s real, and I don’t need your validation.”
7. “We clearly remember this differently.”
Sometimes, people truly believe their version of events, even if it’s completely inaccurate. Rather than going in circles trying to convince them, this phrase lets you acknowledge the difference without backing down. It keeps things civil while making it clear that their denial doesn’t erase your memory. It’s a good way to keep things from escalating while still standing your ground. You don’t have to agree with their version just to keep the peace.
8. “I have proof if you’d like to see it.”
If this is a situation where you actually have evidence — texts, emails, photos, or witnesses — this is a powerful response. Some people deny things because they assume there’s no way to challenge them. Presenting proof forces them to rethink their approach. You don’t always have to prove yourself, but in cases where it matters, like at work or in serious disagreements, having receipts can shut down the argument immediately.
9. “Denying it doesn’t change what happened.”
Some people think that by refusing to acknowledge something, they can make it disappear. This response makes it clear that ignoring reality doesn’t erase it. Whether they accept it or not, the truth remains the same. This is especially useful when dealing with people who refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Just because they say it didn’t happen doesn’t mean you have to play along.
10. “It’s interesting that you don’t remember that.”
Rather than outright calling them a liar, this phrase lets them know you’re sceptical of their denial. It subtly puts them on the defensive without escalating the argument. Sometimes, people will backtrack when they realise you’re not buying their version of events. It also works well when someone is denying something they clearly should remember. Instead of getting angry, you’re just pointing out how convenient their memory loss is.
11. “Would you like me to refresh your memory?”
When someone insists something didn’t happen, offering to go over the details can make them uncomfortable. It forces them to confront the possibility that they’re wrong or that they’re intentionally avoiding the truth. If they’re being dishonest, they’ll usually try to change the subject. This puts them in a position where they either have to engage or admit they don’t want to. Either way, it keeps the focus on the facts instead of letting them dismiss what happened.
12. “I don’t need you to agree for it to be true.”
Not everything requires validation. If someone refuses to accept what happened, that’s their issue, not yours. This phrase is a firm way of letting them know that their opinion doesn’t dictate reality. It’s a useful response when you don’t want to waste energy arguing. You know what happened, and you’re not going to let their denial shake your confidence.
13. “I find it odd that you don’t remember something that important.”
This phrase is useful when someone is pretending to forget something major. If it was a significant event, their “memory loss” probably isn’t genuine. By pointing out how strange it is that they don’t remember, you make them uncomfortable without directly accusing them of lying. It works well in professional settings or serious conversations where someone is trying to dodge responsibility. People don’t like looking suspicious, and this response forces them to rethink their denial.
14. “I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on this.”
Sometimes, there’s no point in arguing. If someone is determined to deny reality, you’re not going to convince them. This one lets you disengage without giving in to their version of events. It really comes in handy when the argument isn’t worth your time. You don’t have to waste energy trying to make someone see the truth when they’re committed to avoiding it.
15. “I’m not sure why you’re saying that, but I know what I experienced.”
This keeps things calm while making it clear that you’re not backing down. It also subtly questions their motivation for denying what happened. If they’re being manipulative, this response might make them think twice. Sometimes, people deny things because they don’t want to deal with the consequences. Standing firm in a non-confrontational way can make them rethink their approach.
16. “Let’s be honest here.”
When someone is outright lying, sometimes the best response is to call it out directly. This phrase puts them in a position where they have to decide whether they’re going to double down or admit the truth. It’s direct without being aggressive. It works best in situations where you know for a fact they’re being dishonest. Sometimes, a little pressure is all it takes for them to stop pretending.
