Motherhood is often painted as this magical, fulfilling journey, but the reality can be a lot more complicated.
If it hasn’t turned out the way you expected, you’re not alone. Maybe it’s harder than you imagined, maybe you feel overwhelmed, or maybe you just don’t recognise yourself anymore. Whatever it is, it’s okay to feel the way you do. Some parts of motherhood are beautiful, and some parts are just plain exhausting. Here are some ways to cope when things aren’t quite what you thought they’d be.
1. Let go of the idea that you have to love every moment.
People love to say, “Enjoy every second, it goes by so fast,” but let’s be real — that’s impossible. Some moments are exhausting, frustrating, or just plain boring, and that doesn’t mean you love your child any less. Loving them and loving every second of motherhood are two completely different things. It’s okay if you don’t feel blissful every time you’re changing a nappy at 3 a.m. or dealing with yet another toddler meltdown. Accepting that not every moment has to be magical takes the pressure off. In fact, letting go of that expectation makes the good moments feel even better.
2. Stop comparing yourself to other mums.
Social media is full of mums who seem to have it all together — perfect routines, happy kids, spotless houses. But for every Instagram-worthy moment, there’s probably a tantrum, a mess, or a mum hiding in the bathroom for five minutes of peace. No one has it figured out all the time, no matter how perfect it looks online. Motherhood looks different for everyone, and there’s no one “right” way to do it. The best thing you can do is focus on what works for you and your child. What matters most is that your child feels loved, not that your life looks picture-perfect.
3. Let yourself grieve the life you had before.
It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child, but it’s normal to miss the freedom, sleep, and spontaneity you had before becoming a mum. Life changes in huge ways, and sometimes those changes are hard to process. Missing your old life doesn’t mean you regret your new one — it just means you’re human. Adjusting to motherhood takes time, and it’s okay to wish things felt a little easier. Giving yourself permission to feel that loss can actually help you move forward. You’re still you, even if your life looks very different now.
4. Don’t be afraid to say that it’s hard.
There’s a lot of pressure to act like motherhood is the best thing that’s ever happened to you at all times. But some days, it’s just hard, and admitting that doesn’t make you a bad mum — it makes you an honest one. The truth is, even people who love being mums have moments where they feel completely overwhelmed. Talking about the hard parts helps take away the guilt and isolation. Whether it’s venting to a friend, a partner, or even an online community, being open about your struggles makes them easier to manage. Motherhood isn’t about pretending everything is fine; it’s about finding ways to navigate the tough moments.
5. Find ways to reconnect with yourself.
Source: Unsplash It’s easy to lose yourself in motherhood, but you’re still your own person outside of being “Mum.” If you used to love reading, painting, exercising, or just having uninterrupted coffee, try to bring some of that back into your life. You don’t have to let go of the things that make you feel like you. You might not have hours of free time, but even small things — like listening to your favourite music while cooking or taking ten minutes to yourself — can make a difference. Reconnecting with yourself doesn’t take away from being a good mum. In fact, taking care of yourself makes you a better one.
6. Set realistic expectations for yourself.
You don’t have to be a supermum with a spotless house, perfectly behaved kids, and home-cooked meals every night. Trying to do everything perfectly will only leave you feeling exhausted and frustrated. Some days will be messy, and that’s completely okay. Giving yourself grace and letting go of perfection makes motherhood a lot more manageable. It’s okay if the laundry piles up or dinner is something easy. The most important thing is that you and your child are happy and healthy, not that everything looks perfect.
7. Ask for help — and actually accept it.
You weren’t meant to do this all alone, and no one gets a medal for struggling in silence. If someone offers to help, take them up on it instead of automatically saying, “I’m fine.” Whether it’s your partner, family, or a friend, letting people support you isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of sanity. Even if no one offers, don’t be afraid to ask. Sometimes, people don’t realise how much you’re struggling until you say something. You deserve support just as much as anyone else, and asking for it doesn’t mean you’re failing.
8. Make peace with the things you can’t control.
Motherhood comes with a lot of unpredictability, and no matter how much you plan, things don’t always go smoothly. Kids get sick at the worst times, routines fall apart, and some days just feel like survival mode. Learning to roll with the chaos, at least sometimes, makes life a little easier. Some things are just out of your hands, and that’s okay. Trying to control everything only adds more stress. The more you accept the unpredictable nature of motherhood, the more you’ll be able to go with the flow.
9. Find your people.
Having other mums who understand what you’re going through can make a world of difference. Whether it’s friends, a local mum group, or even online communities, finding support helps you feel less alone. Motherhood can be isolating, but knowing there are people who get it makes everything feel more manageable. You don’t have to pretend you’ve got it all together around the right people. Surrounding yourself with mums who don’t judge you for admitting you’ve had a rough day can be a lifesaver. Sometimes, just knowing you’re not alone is enough to make things feel better.
10. Prioritise rest when you can.
Sleep might not always be in your control, but resting when you can makes a difference. If the house is a mess, but you have a chance to sit down for a bit, take it. You don’t have to be productive 24/7. Exhaustion makes everything feel harder, and rest isn’t a luxury — it’s a necessity. Taking care of yourself, even in small ways, helps you handle the demands of motherhood with a clearer head. A well-rested mum is a happier mum.
11. Stop feeling guilty for needing space.
Needing time away from your child doesn’t mean you love them any less. It just means you’re human and need to recharge. Taking a break doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you a better mum in the long run. Even a few moments alone to breathe, think, or just exist without demands can make a huge difference. You’re allowed to have space without guilt. Your needs matter too.
12. Remind yourself that every phase is temporary.
Source: Unsplash No matter what stage you’re in, it won’t last forever. The sleepless nights, the toddler tantrums, the constant demands — it all changes eventually. That doesn’t mean you have to love every second, but it helps to remember that nothing stays the same forever. When things feel overwhelming, reminding yourself that it’s just a phase can make it easier to get through. Even the hardest moments won’t last forever. One day, you’ll look back and realise how much you made it through.
