It’s easy to fall into the habit of putting other people’s needs, expectations, and opinions before your own.
Maybe you don’t even realise you’re doing it because it’s just how you’ve always operated. The problem is that the longer you go on constantly prioritising everyone else, the more it can leave you feeling exhausted, unfulfilled, and unsure of who you even are. If any of these sound familiar, it might be time to ask yourself whether you’re living for other people instead of yourself. If the answer is yes, it’s high time for a change, don’t you think?
1. You say yes when you really want to say no.
Agreeing to things you don’t want to do might feel like the easier option in the moment. You don’t want to disappoint anyone, deal with conflict, or risk someone thinking badly of you, so you say yes, even when it’s draining. Whether it’s favours, social plans, or commitments you’re not up for, your automatic response is to go along with what other people want. In the end, this leaves you stretched thin, constantly overcommitted, and rarely doing what actually makes you happy. Saying no feels selfish, but in reality, it’s just setting boundaries. If you never give yourself permission to decline things that don’t serve you, you’ll always be living on someone else’s terms.
2. You let other people make your decisions.
Maybe you always check with someone else before making a choice, even about small things. You want to make sure it’s the “right” decision, or at least the one that will make other people happy. Whether it’s your career, your relationships, or how you spend your time, you struggle to trust your own judgment. When you let other people steer your life, it starts to feel like you’re just going through the motions rather than actively choosing your own path. It’s one thing to value advice, but if you’re never making decisions for yourself, you’re not really in control of your own life.
3. You feel guilty when you put yourself first.
The idea of prioritising your own needs might make you uncomfortable, like you’re doing something wrong. You’ve spent so much time making sure everyone else is okay that the moment you focus on yourself, guilt creeps in. It feels selfish, even when it’s completely reasonable. That guilt keeps you stuck in a cycle where you always come last. But the truth is, taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you’re neglecting other people — it just means you understand that your needs matter, too. The people who truly care about you won’t expect you to sacrifice yourself for them.
4. You worry a lot about disappointing people.
Letting someone down feels like the worst possible outcome. Even when you have valid reasons for saying no or choosing a different path, the thought of someone being upset with you makes you anxious. You might go out of your way to avoid any situation where someone could be disappointed in you. But constantly trying to keep everyone happy means you rarely prioritise your own happiness. The truth is, you can’t control how people feel about your choices, and trying to will only leave you drained. The people who truly respect you will understand that you have to do what’s best for you.
5. You suppress your own opinions to keep the peace.
Instead of sharing what you really think, you go along with the group to avoid conflict. Whether it’s conversations with friends, family, or coworkers, you keep your thoughts to yourself if they don’t align with the majority. You’d rather stay quiet than risk creating tension. After a while, this makes you feel disconnected from yourself. It’s exhausting to constantly filter your words just to keep everyone else comfortable. Speaking up for yourself doesn’t mean you have to be confrontational — it just means you’re honouring your own perspective instead of shrinking yourself to fit in.
6. You feel responsible for other people’s happiness.
When someone you care about is struggling, you feel like it’s your job to fix it. You take on their emotions as if they’re your own, constantly trying to make things better for them. If they’re upset, you feel like you’ve failed in some way. While it’s great to be supportive, you can’t carry the emotional weight of everyone around you. People are responsible for their own feelings, just like you’re responsible for yours. Trying to manage everyone else’s happiness only leads to burnout and resentment.
7. You constantly seek approval before making choices.
Source: Unsplash Before making a decision, you look for reassurance from the people around you that you’re doing the right thing. Whether it’s choosing a job, making a personal change, or even just picking an outfit, you feel more confident if someone else validates your choice. You rely on their opinions to feel secure in your own decisions. While it’s natural to value input from people you trust, constantly needing approval can make it hard to develop confidence in your own judgment. If you’re always looking outside yourself for validation, you never get the chance to learn what truly feels right for you.
8. You feel drained but keep pushing through for other people.
Source: Unsplash Even when you’re exhausted mentally, emotionally, or physically, you keep showing up for everyone. You push your own limits to be there for people, even if it comes at your own expense. Rest feels like a luxury you can’t afford when there are still things to do and people to help. But constantly running on empty isn’t sustainable. If you never take the time to recharge, you won’t have anything left to give — not to other people, and definitely not to yourself. Taking a break isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.
9. You avoid doing things you want if anyone disapproves.
Source: Unsplash When making choices, you consider how people will react before thinking about what you actually want. If you know someone in your life won’t approve — whether it’s a friend, partner, or family member — you talk yourself out of it. Even if something makes you happy, the thought of disappointing someone else stops you from pursuing it. But your life isn’t meant to be lived according to someone else’s rulebook. The people who truly care about you will want to see you happy, even if they don’t completely agree with every decision you make. If you keep waiting for approval, you might never go after what truly excites you.
10. You struggle to answer when someone asks what you want.
When you’ve spent so much time prioritising other people, it can be hard to know what you actually want. If someone asks what makes you happy, what excites you, or what your dreams are, you might not have a clear answer. You’ve been so focused on everyone else’s needs that your own have been pushed aside. Figuring out what you truly want takes time, but it’s worth the effort. The more you check in with yourself and make space for your own desires, the easier it becomes to make choices that actually reflect who you are, not just who other people expect you to be.
11. You feel like you have to justify every decision.
Instead of simply making a choice and feeling good about it, you feel the need to explain yourself. Even if no one is questioning you, you automatically start listing reasons why your decision makes sense. You worry that if you don’t justify it, people might judge or disagree with you. But you don’t owe anyone an explanation for doing what makes you happy. Not every choice has to be defended or rationalised; sometimes, wanting something is reason enough. The more you trust yourself, the less you’ll feel the need to prove your decisions to everyone else.
12. You feel like you’re living a life that doesn’t really feel like yours.
When you’ve spent years shaping your choices around what other people want, life starts to feel… off. You might look around and realise that your job, relationships, or daily routine don’t actually reflect who you are or what you want. It’s like you’ve been following a script someone else wrote for you. It’s never too late to rewrite that script. The first step is recognising where you’ve been compromising yourself for other people. The next is slowly making choices that align with what actually feels right for you. Living for other people might feel safe, but living for yourself is where real happiness starts.
