Being the favourite child might sound like a dream come true, but it’s definitely not all it’s cracked up to be.
The extra attention, high expectations, and complicated family dynamics can sometimes feel like more of a burden than a blessing. Plus, while there might be some advantages when you’re young — you might get away with more or have fewer rules to follow — the downsides definitely outweigh the benefits as you become an adult. Here are just a few of the downsides that often come with being your parents’ favourite child.
1. Unreasonably high expectations
As the favourite child, you may feel constant pressure to meet your parents’ high expectations. Whether it’s excelling academically, succeeding professionally, or behaving perfectly, there’s often little room for mistakes. That expectation can leave you feeling overwhelmed or like you’re never doing enough. Over time, the weight of these expectations can lead to burnout and a fear of failure. Instead of enjoying your accomplishments, you might always feel like you’re chasing an unattainable ideal, making it hard to relax and feel satisfied.
2. Resentment from your siblings
Being the favourite child can create tension with your siblings, even if it’s something you didn’t ask for. They might feel overlooked or unfairly compared to you, leading to resentment or distance in your relationships. These dynamics can create a sense of isolation within your own family. Repairing these relationships can be challenging, especially if the favouritism has been ongoing for years. It often requires open communication and a willingness to acknowledge the imbalance, which can be emotionally taxing.
3. Not being able to set boundaries with your parents
When you’re the favourite, your parents might expect more of your time, energy, and emotional support. Saying no can feel especially difficult because you don’t want to disappoint them or lose their approval. That can leave you feeling drained and overcommitted. Learning to set boundaries becomes essential, even if it’s uncomfortable at first. While it might upset your parents initially, prioritising your own needs is crucial for maintaining balance and well-being.
4. Unhealthy perfectionism
The constant need to maintain your “favourite” status can lead to unhealthy perfectionism. You might feel compelled to excel in everything you do to keep your parents’ approval. Over time, it can create anxiety and an inability to handle failure gracefully. Perfectionism can also stop you from taking risks or trying new things, as you may fear anything less than success will tarnish your reputation. Sadly, that way of thinking can limit your growth and leave you feeling trapped in unrealistic standards.
5. Pressure to mediate family drama
As the favourite child, you might often find yourself in the role of peacekeeper when family conflicts arise. Your parents may rely on you to smooth things over or side with them, placing you in an uncomfortable position. That responsibility can feel unfair and emotionally draining. Being caught in the middle of family dynamics can also strain your own relationships with other family members. Navigating these situations requires careful balance, which can be exhausting over time.
6. Feeling like your achievements define your worth
When you’re the favourite, it’s easy to feel like your value is tied to what you accomplish rather than who you are. Your parents’ pride in you may often be based on your successes, which can make you question whether you’d still be loved if you weren’t achieving so much. That mindset can lead to a constant need for external validation, making it hard to develop self-worth independent of other people’s opinions. Overcoming it can take time and conscious effort to redefine your sense of self.
7. Guilt about your siblings’ experiences
Even if you enjoy being the favourite, you might feel guilty about how it affects your siblings. Watching them struggle for attention or approval can be heartbreaking, especially if you know your parents’ favouritism is unfair. The guilt can weigh heavily on you, creating a sense of responsibility to make up for the imbalance. Navigating these feelings often requires open conversations with your siblings, which can help rebuild trust and understanding.
8. Trouble understanding your own needs
When you’re focused on pleasing your parents, it can be hard to identify your own desires and priorities. You might find yourself pursuing goals that align with their expectations rather than your true passions. That disconnect can leave you feeling unfulfilled or unsure of who you really are. Taking the time to reflect on what you genuinely want can help you reclaim your identity. It’s a challenging but rewarding process that allows you to live a life that feels authentic to you.
9. Struggles with independence
Source: Pexels Your parents’ preference for you may come with a tendency to overprotect or micromanage your life. While it might feel supportive at times, it can also make it harder for you to establish independence. They may resist when you try to make your own decisions or pursue paths they don’t approve of. Finding a balance between staying connected to your parents and asserting your independence is key. That often involves awkward conversations and the willingness to stand firm in your choices.
10. Unspoken family expectations for your future
As the favourite, you may feel like your future is already mapped out by your parents’ expectations. Whether it’s taking over the family business, pursuing a specific career, or staying close to home, these unspoken pressures can feel suffocating. Breaking free from these expectations requires courage and clear communication. Choosing your own path may not always align with their vision, but it’s necessary for your long-term happiness and fulfilment.
11. Issues forming equal relationships
If you’re used to being the centre of attention with your parents, you might struggle with relationships where the dynamic is more balanced. That can make it challenging to build healthy friendships or romantic partnerships based on mutual respect and understanding. Recognising this pattern allows you to approach relationships differently. Building awareness of your tendencies helps create more equitable and fulfilling connections.
12. Fear of losing their approval
As the favourite, you might constantly worry about losing your parents’ approval. That fear can influence your decisions, making you more likely to prioritise their preferences over your own desires. Over time, it can lead to feelings of resentment or dissatisfaction. Overcoming that fear involves redefining what approval means to you. Learning to trust your own judgement and prioritise your happiness helps build a healthier relationship with yourself and your parents.
13. Unequal emotional expectations
Parents who favour one child often rely on them emotionally, expecting them to take on roles like confidant, problem-solver, or even therapist. While that dynamic might make you feel needed, it can also become overwhelming and blur healthy boundaries. Setting limits on what you can and can’t take on is crucial for maintaining your emotional well-being. Learning to say “no” to these unfair demands helps protect your energy and mental health.
14. Struggles with self-identity
When you’re defined as the “favourite,” it can overshadow other parts of your identity. You might wonder who you are outside of that role, and struggle to separate your self-worth from your parents’ validation. The lack of clarity can leave you feeling unmoored. Taking time to explore your values, interests, and goals independent of your parents’ influence helps you build a stronger sense of self. This process allows you to embrace your individuality and break free from the constraints of your family dynamic.
