Of all the forms of abuse out there, spiritual abuse gets the least amount of attention, but that doesn’t make it any less insidious.
When faith is used as a tool for control, fear, or manipulation, it can leave people questioning everything they once believed. Many who experience it end up feeling lost, disconnected, and even afraid to trust in God again. If you’ve ever struggled with your faith after a harmful religious experience, you’re not alone. Here are just some of the ways spiritual abuse can shatter your faith in God — and why it’s not your fault.
1. Faith becomes tied to fear instead of love.
Spiritual abuse often replaces genuine faith with fear. Instead of feeling a deep connection to God, people are taught that any mistake, doubt, or misstep could lead to punishment. Rather than faith being a source of peace, it becomes a source of anxiety. Existing within a fear-based belief system can make it hard to trust in a loving God. When your spiritual experience is shaped by control and fear, it’s natural to struggle with the idea that faith is supposed to bring comfort, not terror.
2. You’re taught that questioning is dangerous.
In healthy faith communities, asking questions is encouraged; it’s part of growing spiritually. But in abusive religious environments, questioning is often treated as rebellion. Leaders may say things like, “Doubt is from the enemy,” or “True believers don’t question.” The longer it goes on, the more it makes people afraid to think critically about their beliefs. If they do start to question things, they feel guilty or even ashamed. When faith is built on suppression rather than exploration, it becomes fragile and difficult to sustain.
3. Leaders are treated as God’s direct voice.
One of the most damaging aspects of spiritual abuse is when leaders claim to speak for God. Instead of encouraging people to develop their own personal relationship with faith, they insist that obedience to them is the same as obedience to God. That creates a dangerous power dynamic. When people eventually see the flaws in their leaders, it can shake their entire faith. If you’ve been taught that a human leader is the direct voice of God, discovering their hypocrisy or deception can make it feel like God has let you down, too.
4. Guilt is used as a form of control.
Spiritual abusers often use guilt to manipulate people into compliance. They make people feel like they’re never doing enough — never praying enough, never giving enough, never believing enough. No matter how hard someone tries, it’s never good enough. Over time, the constant guilt wears people down. Instead of faith being a source of hope, it becomes exhausting. Eventually, many just give up, not because they don’t want to believe, but because they’re tired of never feeling worthy.
5. Love feels conditional on religious performance.
In toxic spiritual environments, love and acceptance are often tied to following strict religious rules. If you conform, you’re accepted. If you don’t, you’re shunned, criticised, or made to feel like you’re not truly a believer. That conditional love can be devastating. Many people who leave abusive religious groups struggle to believe that love, especially God’s love, can ever be truly unconditional. They may feel like they have to “earn” grace, even though faith is supposed to be about love, not performance.
6. Your identity gets erased in the name of faith.
Healthy faith allows for individuality, but spiritual abuse often forces people to conform to a narrow version of what it means to be “good.” People are told how to dress, think, behave, and even who to associate with. When your identity has been shaped by rigid religious expectations, stepping away can feel like losing yourself. Many struggle to figure out who they are outside of their faith community, leaving them feeling disconnected from both themselves and God.
7. You’re told suffering is proof of faith.
Some abusive religious groups glorify suffering, teaching that hardship is a sign of spiritual strength. If you’re struggling, they say it’s a test. If you’re being mistreated, they say it’s God refining you. That kind of thinking discourages people from getting help or setting boundaries. Eventually, that mindset can break people down, making them believe that pain is just part of faith. It can also create deep resentment toward God, especially when people start to question why a loving deity would want them to suffer.
8. Religious trauma makes it hard to trust again.
Source: Unsplash Spiritual abuse isn’t just about bad theology; it’s about deep emotional and psychological harm. When someone’s trust is violated by a religious leader or community, it can make it difficult to trust anyone, including God. Many people who experience spiritual abuse find themselves hesitant to re-engage with faith. The idea of stepping into another religious space feels unsafe because past experiences have taught them that faith comes with pain, not peace.
9. You’re taught that leaving is the ultimate betrayal.
Many abusive religious environments instil a fear of leaving. People are told that if they walk away, they are rejecting God, losing their salvation, or turning their back on truth. Some are even warned that bad things will happen to them if they leave. That kind of fear-based control can make it terrifying to step away, even when staying is harmful. People who do leave often struggle with guilt, even if they logically know they did what was best for their well-being.
10. You associate faith with hypocrisy.
Many who experience spiritual abuse witness extreme hypocrisy — leaders preaching about morality while secretly engaging in harmful behaviour, or communities claiming to value love while treating people with cruelty. Seeing that kind of hypocrisy can make faith feel like a lie. People start to wonder if religion is just a tool for manipulation rather than something meaningful. When trust in religious institutions is broken, faith in God often suffers as well.
11. Prayer starts to feel meaningless.
In a spiritually abusive environment, prayer can feel like a tool for control rather than a personal connection with God. People are often told to “pray harder” instead of addressing real problems, making prayer feel like an obligation rather than a source of comfort. As time goes on, it can make people feel like God isn’t listening — or worse, that they’re somehow unworthy of being heard. When prayer is turned into a performance rather than an authentic expression, it becomes difficult to engage with faith in a genuine way.
12. You feel like faith has taken more than it’s given.
Faith is supposed to bring meaning, hope, and a sense of belonging. But spiritual abuse often does the opposite — it drains people, isolates them, and leaves them feeling empty. Instead of feeling strengthened by their beliefs, they feel depleted. When faith takes more than it gives, it’s understandable that people walk away. Healing from this kind of experience means recognising that the problem wasn’t faith itself, but the way it was used against them.
13. You struggle to separate God from the people who hurt you.
One of the hardest parts of recovering from spiritual abuse is untangling God from the people who misrepresented Him. When harmful leaders use religion as a weapon, it’s easy to associate their behaviour with God’s character. That can make it incredibly difficult to reconnect with faith. The idea of trusting God again feels impossible when past experiences have made Him seem harsh, distant, or punishing. Healing often involves learning to separate faith from the actions of flawed humans.
14. You wonder if there’s any way back.
After experiencing spiritual abuse, it’s common to feel lost and unsure of what faith even means anymore. Some people reject religion entirely, while others try to rebuild their beliefs in a way that feels healthier and more authentic. Wherever you are in that journey, know this: healing doesn’t mean returning to the same belief system that hurt you. It means finding what feels true for you, whether that’s a renewed faith in God, a different understanding of spirituality, or simply peace in knowing that your worth isn’t defined by anyone else’s expectations.
