Not everyone feels naturally romantic, and that’s okay.
However, if you’re in a relationship with someone who is, your resistance to doing anything too lovey-dovey can cause serious friction, not to mention make your partner feel like you don’t love them or aren’t happy to be with them. The trick is to somehow find a happy medium. If the idea of grand gestures or saccharine sweet moments makes you squirm, there are still plenty of ways to show love and affection that feel genuine and comfortable — here are a few to try that hopefully won’t make you want to be sick.
1. Focus on thoughtful gestures.
Romance doesn’t have to mean candlelit dinners or writing poetry. Thoughtfulness is often the most romantic thing you can offer, and it can be as simple as remembering their favourite snack or leaving a kind note on their desk. Small, everyday acts of care often mean more than big, theatrical gestures because they show you’re paying attention. Think about the little things that make your partner feel seen and appreciated. It could be brewing their coffee just the way they like it, or sending them a quick text to let them know you’re thinking of them. These seemingly minor efforts add up and create a deeper connection without making you feel like you’re performing something over the top.
2. Use humour to your advantage.
If you’re someone who cringes at cheesy romantic lines or sappy gestures, incorporating humour can make things feel much more natural. Laughing together can create closeness without forcing you into overly sentimental moments. A playful comment or a silly, shared inside joke can carry more meaning than a dozen roses. When you lean into humour, you’re showing that romance doesn’t have to be stiff or traditional. It can be as simple as making them laugh when they’re stressed, or playfully teasing them about something only the two of you would understand. Laughter is a form of intimacy that can feel just as romantic as a grand declaration.
3. Prioritise quality time over clichés.
For many people, the most meaningful romantic gesture is simply spending quality time together. Instead of planning elaborate dates that don’t feel authentic to you, focus on activities you both genuinely enjoy. Whether it’s cooking a meal, watching a favourite show, or exploring a new hobby together, shared experiences often create the strongest bonds. Think about what makes your time together special and lean into that. The goal isn’t to tick off traditional romantic milestones, but to create moments that feel uniquely yours. When you prioritise connection over convention, you’ll find that romance becomes less cringy and more natural.
4. Show appreciation through words.
Expressing love doesn’t always require grand gestures; sometimes, a heartfelt compliment or a simple “thank you” means just as much. If overtly romantic language feels awkward, focus on being genuine and specific. Telling your partner what you admire about them or how much you value their support can go a long way. It doesn’t have to sound like something out of a romantic movie. Even casual, everyday comments like, “I love how you handle tough situations,” or, “You make things so much easier for me,” can have a big impact. Being honest and straightforward allows you to express love in a way that feels authentic, not forced.
5. Find romance in shared humour.
Sometimes, the most romantic moments aren’t about serious declarations, but about laughing together over something silly. Finding humour in everyday situations can create a unique kind of closeness that feels more meaningful than traditional ideas of romance. Whether it’s sharing funny memes or joking about your quirks, laughter can bridge emotional gaps. Pay attention to what makes your partner smile and lean into that. It could be as simple as creating a goofy playlist or doing an over-the-top impression of a movie character you both love. Humour helps keep things light, even when romance feels heavy or uncomfortable.
6. Turn mundane tasks into bonding moments.
Everyday life might not scream romance, but it’s full of opportunities to connect. Running errands, doing chores, or cooking dinner together can be surprisingly intimate when approached with the right mindset. These shared tasks show you’re a team, and that sense of partnership is inherently romantic. Find ways to make these moments fun or meaningful. Play your favourite songs while cleaning, or turn grocery shopping into a mini adventure by picking out snacks for a movie night. When you find joy in the ordinary, it strengthens your bond without needing to rely on stereotypical romantic gestures.
7. Learn what romance means to your partner.
Romance doesn’t look the same for everyone, so figuring out what resonates with your partner can make things feel less daunting. Maybe they value words of affirmation, small surprises, or physical affection. Understanding their preferences can help you show love in a way that feels authentic to both of you. Talk openly about what makes them feel special and what they don’t care about as much. It can take the pressure off you to perform romance in a way that doesn’t feel natural. Customising your approach to their needs allows you to be romantic in a way that feels genuine and meaningful.
8. Use touch as a simple way to connect.
Physical affection is a powerful yet subtle way to show love, and it doesn’t have to be overly dramatic. A gentle touch on the shoulder, holding hands, or a quick hug can convey warmth and care without feeling awkward. These small gestures build intimacy without requiring a lot of words or planning. Find ways to incorporate touch into everyday moments, like brushing past them playfully or resting your hand on theirs while you talk. These simple acts show affection and remind your partner that you’re present and connected, even if grand romantic gestures aren’t your style.
9. Be romantic in your own way.
If traditional romance makes you cringe, it’s okay to reinvent what romance looks like for you. Instead of feeling pressured to follow societal norms, think about what feels natural in your relationship. Maybe romance for you means sharing a favourite meal, exploring a new hiking trail, or geeking out over a mutual interest. The key is to make it personal. When you create your own version of romance, it feels more meaningful and less like a performance. Showing love in a way that reflects who you are as a couple strengthens your connection in an authentic way.
10. Be mindful of your partner’s love language.
Love languages — whether it’s quality time, acts of service, or physical touch — are an excellent guide for figuring out what will resonate most with your partner. When you understand their love language, you can focus your energy on things that will mean the most to them. For example, if their love language is acts of service, helping them with a task they dislike might feel more romantic to them than a candlelit dinner. Tailoring your actions to their preferences shows thoughtfulness and effort, which often feels more romantic than any big gesture.
11. Let your actions speak louder than words.
If words aren’t your thing, showing love through actions can be just as effective. Doing something unexpected, like fixing something that’s been broken or handling a chore they’ve been dreading, can feel incredibly romantic. These gestures show you’re paying attention and care about their happiness. Sometimes, actions have a way of speaking to people’s hearts without the awkwardness of verbal expressions. It doesn’t have to be extravagant — small, thoughtful actions often make the biggest impact. They show you’re thinking about their needs and willing to step in when it matters.
12. Surprise them with everyday kindnesses.
Surprises don’t have to be big or expensive to be meaningful. Something as simple as bringing them their favourite snack or leaving a note saying, “Thinking of you” can brighten their day. Small acts of thoughtfulness remind your partner that they’re on your mind, which is inherently romantic. The beauty of everyday kindnesses is that they don’t feel forced or performative. They’re about recognising what makes your partner happy and finding little ways to show you care. Over time, these small moments add up and create a strong foundation of love and appreciation.
13. Embrace vulnerability at your own pace.
Part of the discomfort around romance can come from feeling exposed or vulnerable. Opening up about your feelings doesn’t have to happen all at once, but allowing yourself to be emotionally present can deepen your connection. Vulnerability is what makes romantic gestures feel authentic, even if they’re small. Start with little steps, like expressing gratitude or sharing a memory that made you happy. As you become more comfortable, you’ll find it easier to lean into moments of emotional closeness. The key is to go at a pace that feels right for you, while still showing your partner that you care deeply.
14. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else.
It’s easy to feel like you’re failing at romance when you compare yourself to the grand gestures or seemingly perfect relationships you see around you. But romance isn’t about keeping up with anyone else; it’s about what works for you and your partner. Focus on what makes your connection unique instead of trying to live up to someone else’s version of love. When you stop comparing, you free yourself to explore what feels natural and meaningful. It creates a more genuine expression of romance that’s rooted in your relationship, not outside expectations.
15. Be consistent in showing care.
Consistency can be more romantic than any grand gesture. Small, regular actions that show you’re thinking of your partner build a sense of security and love. That doesn’t mean doing one big thing every so often; it’s about showing up every day in small but meaningful ways. Whether it’s checking in with them, offering a hug when they need it, or making their life a little easier, these steady acts of care add up. They remind your partner that they’re a priority, which is the foundation of any truly romantic relationship.
16. Celebrate what already works in your relationship.
Romance doesn’t have to be about adding new things to your relationship — it can be about recognising and celebrating what already exists. Think about the ways you and your partner naturally connect, whether it’s shared laughter, meaningful conversations, or quiet moments of togetherness. When you lean into what already works, you’re building on a foundation that’s authentic to your relationship. Instead of forcing yourself into a version of romance that doesn’t fit, you’re highlighting the love that’s already there. That kind of celebration often feels more genuine and fulfilling than trying to imitate someone else’s idea of romance.
