Gaslighting is one of the most toxic and damaging behaviours in relationships.
It twists your sense of reality and makes you question your thoughts, feelings, and even your experiences. While someone who claims to care about you should validate your feelings, gaslighters do everything they can to diminish and discredit them, all to save face and get you wrapped around their finger. Here’s how gaslighting breaks down trust and, more importantly, what you can do to reclaim your confidence and stability if you’re on the receiving end of this terrible practice.
1. It makes you doubt your own memories.
Gaslighting often involves someone dismissing or denying your recollection of events. You might hear phrases like, “That never happened,” or “You’re remembering it wrong,” leaving you second-guessing yourself. The longer this continues, the repeated invalidation makes you question your ability to trust your memory. All that self-doubt erodes trust, not just in the person gaslighting you, but in your own mind. Rebuilding this trust starts by documenting situations in a journal or confiding in someone who can offer an objective perspective to help ground your reality. (Getting away from the gaslighter helps, too!)
2. It diminishes your confidence.
When someone consistently undermines the way you see and experience the world, it’s easy to feel like you’re always in the wrong. Gaslighting can make you overly reliant on the manipulator’s version of events, and that inevitably eats away at your self-assurance and independence. The loss of confidence you inevitably experience in this situation affects how you approach decisions and relationships with other people. Reclaiming your confidence requires surrounding yourself with supportive people who validate your feelings and encourage you to trust your instincts again.
3. It isolates you from people who actually care about and want the best for you.
Source: Unsplash Gaslighters will always put you off from getting outside opinions, subtly or overtly pushing you to believe that no one else will understand or support you (not that they do, but whatever). That isolation ensures they have more control over your perceptions and emotions. Reconnecting with close friends you trust or family can help break the cycle of isolation. By sharing your experiences with those who care about you, you can begin to rebuild a network of support and regain perspective.
4. It twists arguments to pass the blame.
Gaslighters are great at turning the tables in disagreements, making you feel like the problem lies with you. They might say things like, “You’re too sensitive,” or, “You’re overreacting,” minimising their role while exaggerating yours. As time goes on, that dynamic makes it hard to hold the gaslighter accountable, as you’re always left questioning your part in the fight. The good thing is that recognising the pattern allows you to step back and separate their tactics from reality, empowering you to stand firm in your perspective.
5. It creates emotional dependence.
By undermining your sense of reality and confidence, gaslighters create a dynamic where you feel dependent on them for validation and clarity. You might actually start to believe that they’re the only one who “understands” you, even as they’re the source of your confusion. That emotional dependence traps you in a cycle that’s hard to break. Rebuilding your independence involves looking for other sources of validation, whether through friends, therapy, or personal reflection, to remind yourself of your strength.
6. It creates a fear of speaking up.
When your thoughts and feelings are constantly dismissed, you might start to avoid expressing them altogether. Gaslighting makes you second-guess whether your concerns are valid, leading to a fear of confrontation or even casual conversation about difficult topics. Learning to trust your voice again can take time. Start by practising small moments of assertiveness, such as expressing your preferences or setting boundaries. These small steps can help you rebuild confidence in your ability to communicate effectively.
7. It invalidates your emotions.
Gaslighters like to make you feel like your emotions are exaggerated or unimportant. They might say, “You’re being dramatic,” or, “It’s not that big of a deal,” to downplay your feelings and pull focus away from the real issue. When your emotions are consistently invalidated, it’s easy to feel disconnected from yourself. To counter this, practise naming and acknowledging your emotions privately or with someone you trust to remind yourself that your feelings are valid, even if the gaslighter disagrees.
8. It normalises unhealthy behaviours.
One of the most insidious aspects of gaslighting is how it gradually makes you accept behaviour you’d otherwise consider unacceptable. You might start to excuse manipulation or downplay hurtful comments as normal or not a big deal. Breaking the cycle starts with recognising what healthy behaviour looks like. Educating yourself about respectful communication and healthy boundaries can help you identify what you deserve in relationships and recognise when those standards aren’t being met.
9. It creates an imbalance of power.
Gaslighting puts the manipulator in control, as they dictate what’s true or real. Such a huge power imbalance leaves you feeling vulnerable and unsure of yourself, giving them more authority over your thoughts and actions. Regaining your power means reclaiming control over your narrative. Setting boundaries and challenging their version of events, either privately or with support, can help you re-establish equality in the relationship or, if needed, distance yourself altogether. (And to be fair, the latter is probably the best option here!)
10. It makes you question your worth.
Repeated gaslighting can end up making you feel unworthy or inadequate. Constant criticism and dismissal make it hard to see your strengths, leaving you stuck in a loop of self-doubt and insecurity. Rebuilding your sense of worth starts with small acts of self-kindness. Acknowledging your achievements, no matter how small, can remind you of your value and help counter the negative narrative imposed by the gaslighter.
11. It leaves you feeling confused and lost.
Gaslighting blurs the line between reality and manipulation, leaving you unsure of what’s true. The confusion can make everyday decisions feel overwhelming, as you’re no longer confident in your judgement. Grounding yourself in facts, such as journaling events or asking for outside perspectives, can help you regain clarity. Over time, these practices rebuild your ability to trust your instincts and navigate life with confidence. It’s important to trust your gut, as it rarely leads you astray.
12. It destroys your trust in other people.
Being gaslit by someone close to you can make you wary of trusting anyone else. You might start to question the intentions of friends, family, or even new relationships, worrying that they might manipulate you as well. While it’s important to be cautious, isolating yourself only reinforces the gaslighter’s influence. Gradually opening up to people who have shown consistent care and respect can help rebuild your ability to trust and form healthy connections.
13. It makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
Source: Unsplash Gaslighting creates an environment where you’re constantly on edge, trying to avoid saying or doing something that could trigger another round of manipulation. Such constant hypervigilance drains your emotional energy and leaves you feeling exhausted. Recognising this pattern is the first step to breaking free. By setting boundaries and limiting your exposure to manipulative behaviours, you can create a healthier space for yourself where you don’t have to tiptoe around someone else’s reactions.
14. It damages your ability to trust yourself.
The ultimate goal of gaslighting is to make you doubt your reality. Over time, you might find it hard to make decisions, trust your emotions, or feel confident in your understanding of situations. That self-doubt can linger even after the gaslighter is no longer in your life. Rebuilding trust in yourself takes patience. Journaling, therapy, and leaning on supportive people can help you reconnect with your instincts and rediscover the confidence that was undermined by the gaslighting.
15. It leaves long-lasting emotional scars.
Source: Unsplash Even if you’ve removed yourself from a gaslighting situation, the impact can linger. You might carry a fear of manipulation, self-doubt, or difficulty forming close relationships, but those scars don’t define you, but they do require attention to heal. Getting therapy or engaging in self-care practices can help address these lingering effects. As time goes on, healing is possible, and you can rebuild trust in yourself and others, creating healthier dynamics in future relationships.
