Whether from societal expectations, personal insecurities, or outdated standards we hold ourselves to, we’re under a lot of pressure in life.
When we don’t measure up to that invisible yardstick we hold so dear, we end up feeling ashamed of ourselves and our inability to achieve or be successful, but that’s silly. Life is tough and lots of things happen that are outside of our control. Not only that, but a certain level of failure is pretty much inevitable, and not only is it totally normal, but it actually helps to make you smarter and stronger in the long run. In other words, if you’re carrying around shame over any of these things, it’s time to stop and cut yourself a bit of slack. You’re doing okay!
1. Asking for help
Needing help doesn’t mean you’re weak — it means you’re human. Whether it’s reaching out for emotional support, asking for a bit of guidance at work, or going to someone you trust for advice, there’s no shame in recognising when you need a hand. Everyone has limits, and asking for help shows strength, not failure. Accepting support often leads to solutions you couldn’t achieve alone and deepens your connections with other people, and that’s a good thing. It’s also a reminder that nobody succeeds entirely on their own. By letting go of the guilt around asking, you create space for collaboration and growth.
2. Struggling financially
Money problems can feel like a personal failing, but they’re often a result of circumstances beyond your control. Economic challenges, unexpected expenses, or career shifts can happen to anyone. Feeling ashamed only adds unnecessary stress to an already tough situation. After all, costs are rising way more quickly than wages in this country, so most people are having a harder time making ends meet. Instead of berating yourself for this, focus on actionable steps to improve your financial situation, like budgeting or getting some financial advice from those who know their stuff and are qualified to give it. Remember, your worth isn’t tied to your bank account, and plenty of successful people have faced similar challenges. Financial struggles are temporary, but your resilience is lasting.
3. Taking time to rest
Because the world glorifies busyness at every turn, it’s easy to feel guilty for taking a break, but forget that. Resting can seem like you’re not doing enough, but it’s a must for maintaining your mental and physical health. Ignoring the need for a bit of downtime only leads to burnout and fatigue. Plus, it allows you to recharge and show up as your best self in all areas of life. Instead of viewing it as laziness, see it as an investment in your overall health. You deserve some good old R&R just as much as you deserve success.
4. Past mistakes
Everyone has moments they wish they could redo, but carrying shame over past mistakes only holds you back. Missteps are a natural part of learning and growing, and they definitely don’t define you as a person. Dwelling on them keeps you stuck in the past instead of moving forward. Reflecting on what you’ve learned from those moments can help you grow into a more understanding and capable version of yourself. Forgive yourself and focus on how you can apply those lessons to the present. Mistakes are stepping stones, not anchors.
5. Not having life figured out
The pressure to have a perfect life plan, especially by a certain age, is completely unrealistic. Life is unpredictable, and it’s okay to feel like you’re still figuring things out. Nobody has it all together, even if they make it look that way. Giving yourself the grace to explore, make adjustments, and change directions is part of the journey. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and every step you take is leading you somewhere meaningful. Embracing uncertainty opens the door to unexpected opportunities.
6. Needing therapy
Despite growing awareness, there’s still a lingering stigma around going to therapy. Some people feel like it’s a sign they’re broken or can’t handle life, but therapy is one of the most empowering choices you can make. It’s a proactive step toward understanding yourself better and navigating life’s challenges. Talking to a therapist can provide tools to manage stress, improve relationships, and build self-awareness. Instead of seeing it as a weakness, see it as a sign of strength and commitment to your mental and emotional health. Therapy is an act of care for yourself, not something to hide.
7. Your appearance
From body shape to skin concerns, it’s easy to feel self-conscious about how you look. Social media and unrealistic beauty standards often amplify these feelings, making people feel like they don’t measure up. But the truth is, nobody’s perfect, and everyone has insecurities. Focusing on what makes you unique rather than comparing yourself to other people can help change your perspective. Remember that your value isn’t tied to your appearance — it’s in how you treat yourself and those around you. Confidence in who you are shines brighter than any physical feature, anyway, as silly as that sounds.
8. Ending a relationship
Leaving a relationship, whether it’s romantic, platonic, or professional, can carry feelings of shame or failure. People often worry about being judged or blamed for “giving up.” However, recognising when something isn’t working is an act of courage and self-respect. Plus, letting go of relationships that no longer serve you creates space for healthier connections. It doesn’t mean you’re throwing in the towel; you’re prioritising your emotional well-being. Moving on is a step toward creating a more fulfilling and authentic life.
9. Not following a traditional path
Whether it’s skipping university, pursuing a creative career, or delaying milestones like getting married or buying a house (if only!), taking an unconventional route can invite judgment. However, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to life, and forging your path is something to be proud of. Success looks different for everyone, and choosing what aligns with your values leads to a more fulfilling experience. By embracing your unique journey, you encourage other people to rethink outdated expectations, too. Authenticity is far more rewarding than following a script.
10. Being emotional
Expressing emotions like sadness, anger, or joy is often seen as a weakness, especially in environments that value stoicism. However, showing emotion is a sign of humanity and strength. Suppressing feelings only creates distance between you and everyone else. When you allow yourself to feel and express emotions, it strengthens connections and builds trust. Feelings are a natural part of life, and sharing them reminds other people that it’s okay to be vulnerable. Honesty about your feelings creates deeper, more authentic relationships, too, which is a nice bonus.
11. Asking questions
Sometimes, people hesitate to ask questions out of fear of looking uninformed or incapable. However, asking for clarification is an important part of learning and growing. Nobody knows everything, and curiosity is a sign of engagement, not lack of intelligence. In many cases, the question you’re afraid to ask is something other people are wondering too. Looking for answers helps you gain confidence and prevents misunderstandings. Asking questions shows you’re invested in understanding and improving, which is something to take pride in.
12. Being introverted
Extroverts might get all the attention (which is just how they like it), meaning introverts may feel ashamed of preferring quiet moments or smaller social circles. There’s nothing wrong with valuing meaningful connections over constant interaction. Introversion simply means you recharge differently, not that you’re antisocial. Lean into what works for you by creating spaces where you feel energised and authentic. Introverts bring qualities like thoughtfulness and deep listening to relationships, which are incredibly valuable. Celebrating your strengths instead of trying to fit a mould builds confidence and self-acceptance.
13. Changing your mind
People often feel ashamed of backtracking on decisions, fearing it makes them appear indecisive. However, changing your mind is often a sign of growth and adaptability. Life is fluid, and clinging to decisions out of pride can limit your happiness. Giving yourself permission to reassess choices allows you to align with what feels right in the moment. It’s not about being inconsistent—it’s about being honest with yourself. Adaptability is a strength that leads to better decisions and greater self-awareness.
14. Taking a different timeline
Whether it’s having kids later in life, going back to school in your 40s, or starting a new career after retirement, stepping away from the expected timeline can bring feelings of inadequacy. However, there’s no expiration date on pursuing your goals or passions. Focus on what feels right for you, rather than comparing yourself to anyone else. Achieving milestones on your terms makes them even more rewarding. Your journey is unique, and taking a different path often leads to a richer, happier life.
