Infidelity is one of the most painful betrayals a person can experience, and it understandably destroys any trust you had in your partner, or vice versa.
While many people find it impossible to move on from an affair and end the relationship immediately, others have more faith that there’s a way through. However, the road to rebuilding what was lost when you’ve cheated on them is a long, hard one that you’ll need to be prepared to put in the hard work to reach the end of. While you can’t rush the process, and it certainly won’t be easy, here are a few ways you can begin to regain that trust you squandered when you had an affair.
1. Take full accountability for your actions.
If you’re the one who broke the trust, owning up to what happened is the first step. Avoid downplaying, justifying, or shifting blame for the affair. These behaviours only add to the hurt and make it harder to move forward. Acknowledging your role in the betrayal is essential for rebuilding trust. Apologies are important, but actions speak louder. Be clear about what you’ve done and show genuine remorse. That honesty lays the foundation for healing, as it shows your partner that you respect their feelings and are willing to take responsibility for the pain caused.
2. Be transparent moving forward.
After trust has been broken, secrecy only makes things worse. Being open about your activities, communication, and whereabouts is a crucial part of regaining trust. Transparency shows that you have nothing to hide and are committed to rebuilding the relationship. Consider sharing passwords or being upfront about your schedule if your partner needs reassurance. While it might feel uncomfortable at first, it helps rebuild the sense of security your partner has lost. Over time, consistent honesty will make both of you feel more at ease.
3. Give your partner space to process.
Learning about an affair is an emotional shock, and your partner may need time to fully process what’s happened. They might feel hurt, angry, or confused, and it’s important to let them experience these emotions without rushing them to forgive or move on. Respect their need for space and time. Show patience and be available when they’re ready to talk. Pushing too hard can make them feel pressured, but giving them the freedom to process can make the healing process more authentic and meaningful.
4. Answer their questions honestly.
When someone feels betrayed, they’ll likely have questions about what happened. It’s normal for your partner to want details to make sense of the situation. Dodging these questions or being vague will only deepen their mistrust. Answer their questions as honestly and respectfully as you can, even if it’s difficult. While some answers might hurt, it’s better to be truthful than to leave room for doubt. Being open helps your partner rebuild confidence in your words and actions.
5. Show consistent effort over time.
Trust isn’t rebuilt overnight. It’s a process that requires ongoing effort, even when it feels like progress is slow. Grand gestures might be appreciated, but it’s the small, everyday actions that truly rebuild trust over time. Be reliable, keep your promises, and show up in ways that matter. Consistency is key to showing your partner that you’re committed to making things right. Over time, these efforts will create a sense of safety and stability in the relationship again.
6. Go to therapy together.
An affair can shake the foundation of a relationship, making it hard to navigate the aftermath on your own. Couples therapy or counselling can provide a neutral space to work through emotions, communicate more effectively, and rebuild trust. A qualified relationship therapist can help you both understand the deeper issues that led to the affair and create a plan for moving forward. Getting professional help isn’t a sign of failure — it’s a sign that you’re both willing to fight for the relationship and do the work it takes to heal.
7. Work on rebuilding emotional intimacy.
An affair often creates a deep emotional disconnect. Rebuilding trust means also rebuilding the emotional closeness that might have been lost. It can feel awkward at first, especially if both partners are still processing pain and mistrust. Start by reconnecting through small, meaningful actions. Share your thoughts, listen to your partner’s feelings, and spend quality time together without distractions. Rebuilding emotional intimacy takes time, but it’s a vital part of feeling safe and connected again.
8. Avoid being defensive.
When your partner expresses hurt or anger, it can be tempting to defend yourself or explain your intentions. While the reaction is natural, it can make your partner feel unheard and invalidated. Defensiveness often creates more distance instead of bringing you closer. Instead, focus on listening and validating their feelings. Acknowledge their pain without trying to justify your actions. Doing so shows that you’re prioritising their emotions over your ego, which helps rebuild trust and understanding.
9. Identify and address the root issues.
An affair doesn’t happen in a vacuum. While nothing excuses infidelity, there are often underlying issues in the relationship that contribute to disconnection. Identifying these problems is an essential step toward rebuilding trust and preventing future issues. Take time to reflect on what was missing or unspoken in the relationship before the affair. Honest conversations about these root causes can help both of you address what needs to change, creating a stronger foundation for the future.
10. Be patient with the healing process.
Healing from betrayal takes time, and it’s important not to rush the process. Your partner might have good days and bad days, and the emotional ups and downs can feel exhausting for both of you. However, pushing for quick forgiveness can backfire and slow progress. Allow the process to unfold naturally and remain committed to showing up, even when it’s hard. Patience shows your partner that their feelings matter and that you’re in this for the long haul. Trust is built through time and consistent effort, not quick fixes.
11. Focus on self-improvement.
Rebuilding trust isn’t just about repairing the relationship; it’s also about becoming a better version of yourself. Reflect on the choices that led to the affair and what you need to work on to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Whether it’s addressing insecurities, learning healthier communication skills, or practising empathy, self-improvement shows your partner that you’re serious about change. By growing as a person, you also create a stronger foundation for the relationship moving forward.
12. Set clear boundaries together.
After an affair, boundaries are more important than ever. Both partners need to agree on what’s acceptable moving forward, whether it’s about communication, social media, or interactions with other people. Clear boundaries provide a sense of safety and accountability. Discuss these boundaries openly and make sure both of you feel comfortable with them. Following through on these agreements demonstrates respect and commitment, helping rebuild trust step by step. It’s a way to show your partner they can rely on you again.
13. Celebrate progress, no matter how small.
Rebuilding trust can feel overwhelming, but even small victories matter. Whether it’s a meaningful conversation, a shared laugh, or simply feeling closer for a moment, these milestones show that progress is happening. Acknowledging these moments keeps both of you motivated to keep going. Celebrate these steps together as a reminder of how far you’ve come. Rebuilding trust is a journey, and recognising the positive moments along the way can make the process feel less daunting. It’s these little wins that add up to lasting change.
