Deciding to cut ties with a parent is never an easy decision, but sometimes it’s a necessary one.
Whether it’s due to emotional, physical, or psychological abuse, toxic behaviour, or irreconcilable differences, the guilt that often follows can be overwhelming. Even when you know it’s the right decision, the emotional weight of severing a connection with a parent can leave you feeling torn and downright terrible. It’s important to process those emotions so that you can begin healing, but that’s often easier said than done. Doing these things, however, might be a step in the right direction.
1. Acknowledge that you deserve peace.
The first step in coping with the guilt is to remember that you have the right to peace and emotional stability. If a parent’s behaviour has caused harm to your mental or emotional health, cutting contact may be the healthiest choice. Remind yourself that prioritising your well-being isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
2. Understand that guilt is a natural emotion.
Feeling guilty after cutting contact with a parent is a completely normal emotional response. You’ve likely been raised to believe that family should always come first, but it’s important to recognise that guilt is just an emotion that can be worked through. Acknowledge it and allow yourself to feel, but don’t let it define your decision.
3. Realise that you’re not responsible for their behaviour.
If you’ve cut contact due to toxic or abusive behaviour, it’s crucial to understand that you are not responsible for how they act. You cannot control their actions, and you are not obligated to tolerate mistreatment. The responsibility lies with them, not you.
4. Reframe your thoughts around the relationship.
Instead of viewing the decision to cut contact as something negative, try to see it as a positive step towards self-preservation. Reframe your thoughts to focus on what you’re gaining from distancing yourself: emotional freedom, peace of mind, and the ability to heal from past wounds.
5. Get support from people you trust.
Talking to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist about your decision can help you process your feelings. Supportive people who understand your reasons for cutting contact can offer validation and help you navigate the guilt and conflicting emotions.
6. Recognise the impact of the relationship on your life.
Think about how the relationship with your parent has affected your life. If the relationship was causing you significant emotional distress, it’s important to recognise that cutting contact is a step toward protecting yourself. Understanding the ongoing harm the relationship caused can help you feel more confident in your decision.
7. Give yourself permission to heal.
Healing is a long process, and you deserve the time and space to work through your emotions. Give yourself permission to feel hurt, angry, or sad, but also allow yourself the freedom to heal without guilt. Let go of the pressure to “fix” the relationship if it’s not serving you.
8. Avoid self-blame.
It’s common to wonder if you did the right thing or if you could have handled the situation differently. However, when a relationship becomes unhealthy, it’s often a sign that both parties need space. Avoid blaming yourself for their behaviour or for needing distance—recognise that it’s okay to set boundaries.
9. Set boundaries for your emotional health.
Boundaries are essential in any relationship, especially one with a parent who has crossed lines. Remind yourself that setting boundaries, including cutting contact, is an act of self-care. Your emotional health and safety should be your priority, and boundaries help create the necessary space for healing.
10. Understand that some relationships can’t be fixed.
Not all relationships are salvageable, and sometimes, despite your best efforts, it’s clear that reconnection isn’t possible or healthy. Accepting this reality can help you let go of the guilt. Some relationships are simply beyond repair, and it’s okay to acknowledge that.
11. Focus on rebuilding your own identity.
Source: Unsplash Cutting contact with a parent can be an opportunity to rediscover who you are outside of that relationship. Focus on your own growth, strengths, and values. Rebuilding your identity and sense of self will help you heal and strengthen your ability to move forward.
12. Consider the long-term effects of maintaining contact.
While cutting contact might bring short-term guilt, maintaining a toxic relationship can have long-term negative consequences on your mental and emotional health. Reflect on the future and ask yourself if staying in contact is worth the cost to your peace and happiness. This can help you feel more at ease with your decision.
13. Remember that distance doesn’t mean a lack of love.
Just because you’re cutting contact doesn’t mean you no longer love your parent. You can love someone from a distance while still protecting yourself. Love doesn’t require proximity or enabling harmful behaviours—it’s possible to love someone and still choose to set boundaries for your well-being.
14. Give yourself time to adjust to the decision.
Understand that adjusting to the decision to cut contact will take time. There will be ups and downs, and some days will feel harder than others. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey, and remember that healing is not linear. In time, the guilt will lessen as you continue to prioritise your mental health.
