You might think you know the signs that a relationship is in trouble, but therapists are literally trained to spot them early on.
While some red flags are more obvious, there are other subtler warnings that psychologists and psychiatrists spot that most people wouldn’t even notice. While these issues don’t necessarily spell disaster with 100% certainty, if they’re not dealt with, it’s pretty unlikely that your partnership will go the distance.
1. You avoid addressing major problems.
If you’re both pretending things are fine when they’re clearly not, that’s trouble. It might feel easier to dodge the hard conversations, but problems don’t just magically disappear. They hang around, quietly growing until they’re impossible to ignore. The key is to tackle things head-on—maybe over a cup of tea or during a calm moment. Start small, be honest, and remember: it’s not about winning the argument, it’s about sorting it out together.
2. One partner dominates every decision.
Does it feel like one of you always gets the final say, whether it’s about dinner plans or major life choices? That’s a red flag. It’s not that one person is always the bad guy, but when one partner’s voice is consistently louder, the other might feel invisible. Relationships are about balance. If this sounds familiar, try making decisions together—even on the small stuff like what movie to watch. It’s a simple way to remind each other you’re a team.
3. You feel more like roommates than partners.
Source: Unsplash When did your relationship start feeling more like flat-sharing than a romantic connection? It’s easy to fall into routines where you co-exist rather than connect, especially with busy schedules. But if all you’re doing is splitting bills and discussing laundry, something’s off. A quick fix? Plan a mini-date—something fun or even silly, like recreating your first date or trying a new activity together. Small efforts can reignite that spark.
4. There’s a constant power struggle.
Source: Unsplash If every little thing turns into a battle of wills—who’s right, who’s wrong, who’s in charge—it’s exhausting for both of you. Power struggles often come from feeling unheard or undervalued, and they’re more common than you think. Instead of trying to “win,” take a breather and ask yourselves: “What’s this really about?” Sometimes it’s less about the argument and more about wanting to feel understood.
5. Contempt sneaks into your interactions.
Rolling your eyes, mocking each other, or tossing out snarky comments—these little digs might seem harmless, but they’re toxic. Contempt is like poison for a relationship, and it usually comes from unresolved frustration. If you catch yourself doing this, stop and think: What’s really bugging me? Instead of snapping, try to communicate what you’re feeling in a kinder way.
6. One of you withdraws during conflict.
We’ve all been there—an argument starts, and someone shuts down completely. It’s called stonewalling, and while it’s often a way to avoid a blow-up, it just makes things worse. The trick is to give each other space to cool off but promise to come back to the conversation. Avoidance doesn’t solve anything, but revisiting the issue calmly can.
7. You rarely laugh or enjoy each other’s company.
Source: Unsplash Remember when you used to laugh at the silliest things together? If that’s disappeared, it’s a sign something’s shifted. Life can get serious, but that doesn’t mean your relationship has to lose its fun. Try finding ways to laugh again—watch a comedy, share a funny memory, or just be a bit goofy together. Those light moments matter more than you think.
8. You keep score of wrongdoings.
Source: Unsplash If you’re mentally tallying every time your partner messes up, that’s a problem. Keeping score only fuels resentment, and no one wants to feel like they’re constantly being judged. Instead, focus on letting the small stuff go and working through the bigger issues together. You’re on the same side, not opponents in a blame game.
9. Arguments escalate into personal attacks.
Disagreeing is normal, but when a discussion turns into name-calling or dragging up old mistakes, it’s a problem. These kinds of arguments do lasting damage. A good tip? Stick to the issue at hand and avoid phrases like “You always…” or “You never…”—they tend to spark defensiveness. Stay calm and try to keep it about solving the problem, not attacking each other.
10. You no longer share long-term goals.
It’s natural for life plans to evolve, but if your dreams and goals have completely drifted apart, it can be tough to move forward together. The good news? It’s not the end of the world. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart about where you see yourselves in the future. You might be able to align your paths with a little compromise.
11. Trust is broken and never addressed.
Trust is tricky—it takes ages to build and seconds to break. If something’s happened to shake that trust, ignoring it won’t make it go away. Talk about it, even if it’s uncomfortable. Rebuilding trust takes effort, honesty, and time, but it’s worth it if both of you are committed.
12. One partner avoids physical affection.
If hugs, kisses, or even casual touches have become rare, it’s worth paying attention. Physical distance can often signal emotional distance. Rather than assuming the worst, gently ask your partner what’s going on. It could be stress, exhaustion, or something else entirely. Either way, talking about it is the first step to getting back on track.
13. You criticise each other more than you compliment.
Does it feel like everything your partner does annoys you? Constant criticism can drain the life out of a relationship. Start by noticing the good things they do, even the small ones, and actually say something about it. Compliments can feel like magic—they’re simple, but they go a long way in shifting the tone of your relationship.
14. There’s a lack of empathy during disagreements.
If either of you shuts down the other’s feelings with phrases like “You’re overreacting,” it’s a sign empathy is missing. It’s easy to get caught up in your own perspective during an argument, but relationships need compassion. A small change like saying, “I get why you feel that way” can make all the difference.
15. You feel relief at the thought of being apart.
If the idea of spending time away from your partner feels more like a blessing than a break, it’s worth examining why. Are you overwhelmed, feeling unappreciated, or just burnt out? Instead of burying these feelings, bring them up. Honest conversations can often help you figure out what’s really going on—and whether it can be fixed.
