Calling someone out for behaving in ways that are inappropriate are downright toxic definitely isn’t easy.
However, it’s definitely necessary to protect your boundaries and your sanity — and to let them know that the way they’re going on is not okay. Whether it’s a friend, coworker, or family member, you’ll still need to handle the situation in the right way if you want to keep things respectful and get a good response. Confronting bad behaviour doesn’t have to turn into a massive fight — it can be an opportunity for understanding and growth, especially if you do these things.
1. Reflect on the behaviour before reacting.
Take a step back to consider the behaviour that’s bothering you. Ask yourself: Is this a pattern? Was it a one-time mistake? By reflecting first, you avoid reacting impulsively, which can lead to unnecessary tension. Clarity about what’s bothering you will help you approach the conversation with confidence.
2. Choose the right time and place.
Timing is everything when addressing bad behaviour. Find a private, calm moment where both of you can speak openly without distractions. Avoid calling someone out in front of other people, as this can make them feel embarrassed or defensive. A neutral, low-pressure environment sets the stage for better communication.
3. Approach the conversation with kindness.
Starting the conversation with kindness sets a positive tone. Use phrases like, “I wanted to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind,” instead of jumping straight to criticism. Showing that you care about the person can make them more receptive to your feedback.
4. Focus on the behaviour, not the person.
Avoid framing the issue as an attack on their character. Instead of saying, “You’re selfish,” try, “I noticed that when you didn’t include everyone in the decision, it felt unfair.” Separating the behaviour from the person helps keep the conversation constructive.
5. Use “I” statements to express your feelings.
Using “I” statements prevents the conversation from feeling accusatory. For example, say, “I felt hurt when you ignored my opinion during the meeting,” rather than, “You always ignore me.” Going about things in this way keeps the focus on how their behaviour affects you, making it less likely to spark defensiveness.
6. Be specific about what bothered you.
Vague complaints like, “You’re always rude,” don’t help the person understand what they did wrong. Instead, be specific: “When you interrupted me during the meeting, it felt dismissive.” Giving clear examples allows them to understand the issue and reflect on their actions.
7. Avoid making assumptions.
Instead of assuming their intentions, ask for their perspective. Say something like, “I noticed this happened, and I wanted to understand your reasoning,” rather than, “You did this to hurt me.” Giving them a chance to explain creates a more open and productive dialogue.
8. Be prepared for defensiveness.
When someone’s behaviour is called out, it’s natural for them to feel defensive. Stay calm if they react this way, and remind them that your intention is to resolve the issue, not to attack them. Patience and composure are key to keeping the conversation on track.
9. Listen to their side of the story.
Source: Unsplash A productive conversation involves listening as much as speaking. Give them space to share their thoughts or explain their actions. Sometimes, their behaviour may stem from stress, misunderstanding, or a situation you weren’t aware of. Listening fosters mutual understanding and prevents the conversation from feeling one-sided.
10. Suggest alternatives to the behaviour.
Once the issue is on the table, propose healthier alternatives. For example, if they’ve been dismissive in conversations, you could say, “I’d appreciate it if we could both take turns sharing our thoughts.” Offering solutions shows you’re invested in improving the relationship rather than just pointing out flaws.
11. Be mindful of your tone.
The way you say something matters as much as what you say. A calm, respectful tone encourages open dialogue, while an accusatory or sarcastic tone can shut it down. If you feel frustrated, take a breath before speaking to ensure your tone aligns with your intentions.
12. Focus on the present, not the past.
Bringing up a laundry list of past grievances can make the person feel overwhelmed or attacked. Stick to the current issue at hand and resist the urge to dredge up old conflicts. This keeps the conversation focused and prevents it from spiralling into unproductive territory.
13. Recognise the power of boundaries.
Source: Unsplash If bad behaviour continues despite your efforts to address it, it might be time to set boundaries. Explain what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’re not. For example, “If you keep speaking over me during meetings, I’ll need to bring it up with the team leader.” Clear boundaries protect your well-being while giving the other person a chance to adjust.
14. Be willing to forgive and move forward.
Source: Unsplash Once the conversation is over, let go of lingering resentment and give them the chance to improve. Holding onto anger only prolongs the issue and harms the relationship. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting—it means giving the relationship room to grow in a healthier direction.
15. Know when to walk away.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the person may not be willing to change their behaviour. If their actions continue to harm your mental health or well-being, it’s okay to step back from the relationship. Walking away isn’t failure—it’s prioritising your peace and happiness. By approaching the situation with empathy, clarity, and patience, you can address bad behaviour in a way that encourages growth and preserves relationships.
