Relationships should be 50/50, but a lot of times, one person feels like they’re putting in all the effort while the other barely lifts a finger.
It’s frustrating, disheartening, and often leaves you questioning what went wrong. The truth is, people don’t just give the bare minimum for no reason. There’s always something going on beneath the surface. Here are some harsh truths about why some people do the absolute least in their relationships.
1. They don’t value the relationship enough.
Plain and simple: if someone isn’t putting in the effort, it’s often because they don’t see the relationship as a priority. It doesn’t mean they hate you, but it does mean they’re not as invested as they could—or should—be. Their actions (or lack of them) say a lot about where you stand.
2. They’ve grown complacent.
For some people, once they’ve “secured” the relationship, they stop trying. The sweet gestures and effort they showed at the beginning fade away because they assume the relationship will stay intact without putting in work. It’s lazy, but unfortunately, it’s common.
3. They’re emotionally unavailable.
Emotional unavailability is a huge barrier to effort in relationships. If someone has walls up or isn’t comfortable with vulnerability, they’ll keep their emotional investment to a minimum. That often translates into giving the bare minimum across the board.
4. They’re used to one-sided relationships.
Some people have got away with doing the least in past relationships and assume it’s normal. If their ex-partners carried the load, they might not realise—or care—that a healthy relationship requires equal effort. Old habits die hard, and this one can be particularly tough to break.
5. They’re prioritising other things.
Whether it’s their job, hobbies, or social life, some people give the bare minimum because they’re focused elsewhere. It’s not always malicious—sometimes they genuinely think they’re balancing everything—but it often leaves their partner feeling neglected.
6. They don’t think you’ll leave.
Sadly, some people assume they can get away with doing the least because they believe you won’t walk away. If they think you’ll stay, no matter how little effort they put in, they have no incentive to step up. It’s manipulative, even if it’s not always intentional.
7. They lack relationship skills.
Not everyone knows how to be a good partner. Maybe they never saw healthy relationships growing up, or they’ve never been taught how to nurture one. Their lack of effort might not come from a lack of care, but from not knowing how to do better.
8. They’re self-absorbed.
Let’s be blunt: some people are just selfish. They prioritise their own needs, comfort, and convenience over the relationship. Giving the bare minimum suits them because it allows them to focus on themselves without much effort or sacrifice.
9. They’re unsure about the relationship.
When someone isn’t sure if they see a future in a relationship, they’re unlikely to give it their all. It’s a way of keeping one foot out the door while they figure things out. Unfortunately, it leaves the other person feeling undervalued in the meantime.
10. They’re afraid of intimacy.
Fear of getting too close can hold people back from fully committing to a relationship. They might not even realise they’re doing it, but by giving the bare minimum, they create emotional distance to protect themselves from vulnerability.
11. They’ve become resentful.
If there’s underlying resentment—whether it’s from past arguments, unmet needs, or unresolved issues—it can lead to passive-aggressive behaviour. Instead of addressing the problem, they withdraw and stop putting in effort as a way to express their frustration.
12. They’re overwhelmed with their own issues.
Sometimes, people have so much going on in their own lives—whether it’s stress, mental health struggles, or personal challenges—that they don’t have much energy left for the relationship. It’s not always an excuse, but it can explain why they’re not giving their best.
13. They’re testing your boundaries.
Some people give the bare minimum to see how much they can get away with. It’s a way of testing whether you’ll call them out or let it slide. If you don’t set boundaries, they’ll likely keep doing as little as possible because it’s easier for them.
14. They think effort doesn’t matter anymore.
In long-term relationships, some people mistakenly believe that once you’re “together,” effort becomes optional. They don’t realise that effort is what keeps a relationship alive and thriving. Of course, their ignorance often leads to a slow but steady erosion of connection.
15. They’re just not that into it.
Harsh but true: if someone is consistently giving the bare minimum, they might not be as invested in the relationship as you are. It’s not an easy truth to face, but recognising it can save you from wasting time on someone who isn’t willing to meet you halfway.
