Christmas is meant to be a joyful, warm, and festive time, but if you’re with a narcissistic partner, it ends up being more stressful than merry.
People like this are really good at making everything about them, and they often sabotage special occasions in subtle, sneaky ways for no other reason than their own selfish enjoyment. Here are just a few of the tactics they might use to ruin Christmas — if you recognise them, you can try and avoid letting them affect you! (Or, you can give yourself the best Christmas gift in the world and kick them to the kerb.)
1. They create drama right before big events.
Just when you’re about to leave for a family gathering or host guests, they’ll pick a fight or drop an emotional bomb. It can leave you feeling flustered, upset, or drained before the event even begins. They thrive on controlling the mood and making sure you’re focused on them, rather than enjoying yourself or other people’s company.
2. They criticise your holiday preparations.
No matter how hard you work to create a perfect Christmas, a narcissistic partner will find fault with something. The tree isn’t decorated “right,” the food isn’t good enough, or the gifts aren’t thoughtful enough. Their constant criticism destroys your confidence and ensures the spotlight remains on their opinions and dissatisfaction.
3. They make themselves the centre of attention.
At gatherings or during quiet family moments, they’ll find a way to steer everything back to them. Whether it’s bragging about their achievements, exaggerating their stories, or interrupting people, they can’t stand not being the focal point. The goal is to ensure everyone’s attention is on them, even at the expense of everyone else’s enjoyment.
4. They “forget” to buy meaningful gifts.
While you may put effort into finding thoughtful gifts, a narcissistic partner will often give you something last-minute, generic, or completely inappropriate. If you express disappointment, they might accuse you of being ungrateful. It’s a tactic that leaves you feeling unappreciated while making them appear as the “victim” of your unreasonable expectations.
5. They sabotage your plans with loved ones.
Whether it’s suddenly deciding they don’t want to go to your family’s gathering or complaining about having to spend time with friends, they’ll throw a wrench into plans. They may guilt-trip you into staying home or make the atmosphere so tense that you feel forced to cancel. The aim is to isolate you and ensure you’re prioritising their needs over everything else.
6. They give backhanded compliments.
Comments like, “Wow, the dinner is better than I expected!” or “You actually managed to decorate nicely this year” are designed to seem like praise while undermining you. These subtle jabs can ruin your mood and confidence while allowing them to deny any wrongdoing if you call them out.
7. They play the victim to avoid responsibilities.
When it’s time to help with preparations or clean up, they’ll suddenly become “overwhelmed,” “too tired,” or “not feeling well.” They’ll make you feel guilty for asking for help, framing themselves as the one who’s suffering. It leaves you carrying the burden while they avoid contributing, all the while claiming they’re the one in need of sympathy.
8. They bring up past arguments or grievances.
Just when you’re trying to enjoy the festive cheer, they’ll remind you of past mistakes or conflicts. They’ll drag up old arguments to create tension and make you feel bad, which ensures the emotional atmosphere is controlled by them, often ruining your ability to relax and enjoy the moment.
9. They sulk or withdraw to punish you.
If things don’t go their way, they’ll sulk, give you the silent treatment, or withdraw from activities. Their coldness casts a shadow over the holiday, making you feel responsible for their mood. Their passive-aggressive behaviour is designed to make you bend over backwards to “fix” things, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
10. They make excessive demands on your time.
They’ll insist that you focus entirely on their needs, whether it’s running errands for them, attending only the events they want, or neglecting your own plans. If you try to balance things, they’ll accuse you of not caring about them. These demands are designed to monopolise your time and energy, leaving you drained.
11. They embarrass you in front of other people.
At gatherings, they might share personal stories, make sarcastic comments, or highlight your flaws in a way that makes you uncomfortable. These “jokes” are intended to undermine you while they maintain a charming facade. If you confront them, they’ll accuse you of being too sensitive or unable to take a joke.
12. They ruin your gifts or experiences.
If you receive a thoughtful gift or experience joy in any way, they might downplay it, criticise it, or make you feel guilty for enjoying it. They can’t handle you feeling happy unless it’s because of them. By ruining your fun, they maintain a sense of control and superiority over your emotions.
