Loneliness is an incredibly heavy, isolating feeling that can feel impossible to get out from under.
And while many times, it’s life circumstances we can’t control that lead to this feeling of disconnection, we also don’t always make it easier on ourselves. The thing is, when someone’s lonely, all they want is to feel like they’re not alone — which is why it’s so ironic that often times, they do things that push people further away instead of pulling them closer. Here are just some of the ways they isolate themselves further. If you recognise yourself in any of these behaviours, know that it doesn’t have to be like this!
1. They avoid initiating plans.
It’s so easy to get stuck in this cycle of thinking, “If they wanted to hang out, they’d ask.” That fear of rejection makes it hard to reach out, and suddenly, no one’s making plans. The problem is, this often comes across as disinterest, and before long, people might start assuming you don’t want to spend time with them. It’s like a quiet loop that keeps you feeling more and more disconnected.
2. They downplay their own feelings.
When you’re lonely, there’s this tendency to say, “I’m fine,” even when you’re really not. You might not want to bother anyone or risk looking like you’re being dramatic, so you keep everything to yourself. But by keeping your true feelings hidden, you’re not giving anyone the chance to understand what’s really going on. It makes it harder to build those deeper connections you’re craving.
3. They overthink social interactions.
Even when they do get the chance to talk to people, lonely folks can’t help but replay every word in their head afterward. Did I say the right thing? Do they think I’m weird? Overthinking like this can make someone seem distant or like they’re not into the conversation, even if they’re really just tangled up in their own head.
4. They refuse help or support.
Sometimes, it’s pride, fear, or just thinking they don’t deserve help, but when someone offers support, lonely people might turn it down. You know, saying something like, “I’m good, I’ve got it under control.” But rejecting help can leave people feeling like they’re being pushed away, even if that’s not the intention. It just makes the emotional gap bigger.
5. They rely on self-deprecating humour.
Making jokes about your own flaws or embarrassing moments might seem harmless, but overdoing it can make the people around you feel uncomfortable. It’s like putting yourself down in front of other people, which can make them feel unsure about how to respond. Plus, it can create the feeling that you don’t really value yourself, which makes it harder for people to get close.
6. They expect rejection or abandonment.
A lonely person might have their guard up, anticipating that everyone’s going to leave them eventually. This can lead them to pull back or even test relationships by pushing people away first. It’s like setting yourself up for a fall, but the problem is, friends can sense that insecurity and start to feel like they need to tiptoe around you, which puts even more strain on the relationship.
7. They come across as aloof or indifferent.
To protect themselves from getting hurt, some lonely people can put up a wall, acting uninterested or dismissive about hanging out. They might turn down invites or act like they don’t care, but in reality, they probably want to connect more than anything. That aloofness is just a shield, but it can make it seem like they’re not open to anyone, which just pushes people further away.
8. They focus on the negatives in conversation.
It’s easy to get stuck in a negative headspace when you’re lonely, and sometimes that spills over into conversations. Constantly talking about what’s wrong or complaining can make those chats feel draining. Before long, people might avoid reaching out, associating those interactions with negativity, which just leaves the lonely person feeling more alone.
9. They pull away when things go wrong.
When something bad happens, the instinct for some lonely people is to shut everyone out. They might think, “No one cares anyway,” or “It’s better to deal with it on my own.” But by pulling back, they actually shut out the support they could really use, and it makes everyone feel helpless, even if they want to be there for them.
10. They’re scared of being a burden.
The idea of asking someone for time or attention can feel like too much when you’re lonely. You might think you’ll be a burden or inconvenience someone, so you stay quiet. But that silence creates a barrier—people might feel like they can’t reach you, or that you don’t need them, which just adds to the distance between you.
11. They are overly apologetic.
Constantly apologising for small things or even for just taking up space can make someone seem insecure. It creates this weird dynamic where the other person feels like they need to reassure you constantly. It makes interactions feel a bit off, and over time, it can make the relationship feel unbalanced or strained.
12. They struggle to accept compliments.
When people give compliments, a lonely person might brush them off or act like it’s not true. “Oh, I don’t think so,” or “You’re just saying that” are common responses. By rejecting positive feedback, they inadvertently make the other person feel awkward or like their kindness isn’t appreciated, making it harder to form a genuine connection.
13. They isolate themselves physically.
Saying “I’m busy” or “I don’t feel like it” when friends invite them out is a common way lonely people withdraw. It’s not that they don’t want to be included; they’re just too wrapped up in their own emotions. But when they start saying no to invites, it can make everyone think they’re not interested in spending time together, and eventually, people stop reaching out.
14. They hesitate to trust anyone.
Because of past hurts, lonely people can be really cautious about letting anyone in. They might keep their distance, not letting anyone get too close. It’s not that they don’t want to connect; they’re just scared of getting hurt again. But that hesitation to trust can make them seem cold or uninterested, even when that’s the furthest thing from the truth.
